also my crippling paranoia is telling me that caleb has some ~idol business~ going on and that's why he's not campaigning very hard to stay and it's making me nervous because i feel like if he DID have an idol and everyone DID vote for him and he DID play it... he could totally vote for me

which
would
be
so
awful
i would die

SO i hope he doesn't have it
i have no concrete evidence tbh so i should calm down a little bit and be more worried about people just straight up blindsiding me

but the fact that he didn't campaign very hard just scares me a little bit

and i'm not gonna throw a vote and risk looking super crazy and utrustworthy to my allies

so

i'm just gonna stick with what i know right now

and what i know is that from what people are telling me, caleb should have enough votes to go

IT'S JUST SCARY

but i'll stop

and wait

and pray

okay now i'm finished!!! actually this time!!

~episode 5~

oh my actual heck

my heart is pounding out of my chest right now

i was so close to being voted out

i'm SO happy to still be in this game ^_^

but jeez was that a scary tribal council to read through

when i saw the second jaclyn i was FOR SURE i had just been blindsided

but i wasn't and i still get to compete <3 <3 <3

ahhh i'm really happy :D

new tribe new me

i will write a confessional later but

imagine jaclyn schultz with a large fire burning behind her



like this

i've been setting up the groundwork to kinda maybe flip on Lóng because i have suspicions that they split the vote on me in case caleb had an idol

i dunno if it'll work out but it has been QUITE AN EXPERIENCE so far

being ignored by my tribe is great wow 10/10 a+ experience

i especially love this interaction i just had



thank you kenny

round 5 - a ~short~ story

me: hey everyone
everyone: hey jaclyn
me: ^_^
liz: hey wanna work with me
me: ya cool i love this
liz: ok *lists cool people we can work with and tells me to talk to them*
me: hey guys ur cool we should maybe work together going forward
them: ya!!
...
them: so how was Lóng
me: IDK i didn't like it that much because it was always super quiet and then in the last round the vote was split on me even though caleb was påpãyä
people: that sucks :( awww jaclyn it's okay you have a new, fresh start here so don't feel bad we love you
me: aw, you guys are so sweet thank you so much <3
jp: so who do you wanna vote from Lóng then
me: idk i mean like i don't wanna throw out any names or anything so i was hoping other people had plans for who they wanted
jp: well we could do alina
me: i would be down for that but would other ppl do it???
him: idk
...
2 hours later
...
kenny: lmao alina hates u
me: why
kenny: 2 much gtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtg
me: lol... ok
jp: ya alina h8s u girl
me: but WHY
jp: something about Lóng and a split vote but IDK i didnt ask any questions
me: wow i love life
me: *increasingly grows to love life even more*
me: *is just so in love with life to the point that i am bursting at the seams with love for life*

a Shórt story - continued

me desperately trying to get strategic conversation going: so hey what's up with the vote guys???
guys: ..........................
me: ok but do you have any idea what is up with the vote pls
people: lmao gl

so this is where i'm at with my life rn and i'm panicking

nice talk hope thanks so much
she has literally been on the board and aim the whole time too

i'm not even giving up on this vote
i hope these people don't think i'm the kinda person to just roll over and die
if i go out, i'm going down guns blazing
i might even throw a grenade or 2 if i can

So, I figured I'd write a bit of a more ~articulate~ confessional before I make my grand exit or grand survival.

Surviving that vote was AH-MAY-ZING. I was told the entire day that it'd be unanimous and that Caleb would go and he even kinda like campaigned to me to stay so I was surprised I got a vote from him. It got even weirder when no one knew who voted for me. It got me ~thinking~ that it was a split plan. Pit me and Caleb against each other and if one of us had an idol the other person would lose. When I realized that's what was going on I felt kinda annoyed because Alina and Nick were so insistent on being #LongStrong in the swap when in reality they didn't really care for me that much to begin with. If it wasn't a split plan I'd be SO shocked because they didn't even try to find out who voted for me. It was dead silent and they were just like "aww, you got a vote :( :( :( at least u survived" and it seemed very off to me for some reason. I kinda came into this swap so excited to meet new people and to be off of the ~quiet~ tribe and actually meet people who were willing to TALK so I didn't feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells.

Aaand then I got onto this tribe and it wasn't any different. Everything was pretty quiet and I wasn't really connecting with people until I talked to Liz. I hit it off SO well with her and I felt like we really were becoming friends. We talked for like an hour straight and our personalities meshed really well. Like I saw myself being friends with her and everything because she just seemed really cool and everything. We talked about being big balls of emotional stress and unicorns and rainbows and stuff and it was all basically everything that I talk to friends about SO I felt a really strong connection to Liz in particular.

And then I bombed the challenge. I didn't really contribute much while everyone else kinda owned everything except for Kenny who disconnected and Woo who kinda just wasn't even really there. But I probably contributed even less than them. I was trying to complete the "post in every second" task but it just wasn't working out for me and I was wasting a lot of time but by the time I realized I was wasting time it was already ~too late~ for me to start doing something else. I messed up kinda badly there.

Oh boy, here comes the best parts. You guys already know what went down because of my Shórt story but I guess I'll describe the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel awful. I don't like the way these people strategize. It feels very, very, very dirty and it makes me kinda sad that this is the way I could possibly get my first ever pre-merge and pre-jury placement. I told people how I felt about the spit vote on Lóng and they completely used everything I said against me. JP also asked me if I would vote for Alina and I said that I would because I wanted a Lóng to go because of how I felt mistreated on that tribe. And that was also used against me. They completely took advantage of the fact that I felt alone going into the swap and they used it against me to ensure that they'd survive another round instead of trying to work with me and voting out people from my tribe who are tight and gonna stick together. It just makes me kinda sad. I feel like I was completely used as a scapegoat by people who just wanted a round of safety and it feels icky. It feels really icky and nasty and I kinda actually hate it. They're all avoiding me like the plague because they know they wanna vote me out and it's just really annoying. At one point I was being offered alliances and people were asking me how I wanted to vote and now it's silent because it was all a ruse.

I won't say I feel defeated because I'll be trying until the last possible second but I do feel a little discouraged. I don't like that I can't trust anyone and I feel really upset that finding my footing has been so difficult so far. But I'm gonna keep trying. I'll be the ~little Jaclyn that could~ and keep believing in myself and see how far that gets me.