lol, now Natalie's upset with Stacey because she told Chicken that Natalie told her everything about his plans to vote her off.

This is such a wild tribe already.

It looks like the Chicken vote is pretty solid? At least from my perspective.

I'm excited to see what happens. :o

r i p

when you're actually just god awful at the idol search

~episode 2~

i have been on quite a journey today and i'll just summarize it here and write more about it tomorrow

first of all

me: i would vote out natalie if chicken could get the numbers
me now: i need to work with natalie if i'm even gonna make it and her rivalry with stacey could save my life

second of all

jaison: yea i don't talk to caleb, francesca, or stacey that much
me, not reading the sentence correctly: yeah i talk to those people a lot too
jaison: wait what
me, realizing the mistake i made and knowing i don't talk to those people a lot and not knowing why i said what i said: lmao what i meant by that was... JUST KIDDING i don't actually talk to them that much!!! lol!!!
jaison: *is sufficiently sketched out by someone not being sketchy and just being unable to read sentences*

i can't wait to explain all of this in depth

crying

so i woke up

and i didn't have any offline messages

and nobody messaged me when i logged on

and there's 2 hours left to vote

OKAY like maybe... i'm worried about nothing

but this

does not

sound good

okay, i'm totally not gonna have enough time to put my thoughts here before the deadline

i'll write a confessional if i stay or leave once the results are up although my attitude/opinion will probably be majorly altered by the outcome

but i DO wanna give a confessional

there's just ~not enough time in the day~ so it will come later </3

i'll still keep it as a part of this episode tho

SO... this will probably be a tiny bit rushed but I still wanna try to get some ~insightful~ things in here.

I had absolutely no idea what to expect coming into this round. Chicken was just voted off unanimously and I haven't really been asked to be a part of any alliances on this tribe. In my very Shórt and very limited experience, there's kinda always an alliance? Maybe it's 3 people, maybe it's 4, maybe it's 5... but there's usually an alliance. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I haven't really been asked to be a part of anything. Whiiich is weird. BUT! I decided to go in ~optimistic~ and keep my head up and wait for any opportunities I could take that could benefit me.

And then we went into the puzzle. Which, holy shit, that was the most difficult thing ever kinda? Like I'm kinda just awful at puzzles in general so they're just ~not the best~ for me... but oh my god. That was like... hard? Like really hard? I think? I DUNNO. I have no idea how some teams finished in like 5 minutes. I could never. That was too many pieces and the colors and the snow and the EVERYTHING. I could've never done that. But holy jesus christ at how good the other teams were.

We kinda lost horribly. </3

I don't think it's a testament to our capabilities. I think we're all pretty good. It's just... I dunno? I'm hoping that will change for this tribe. Even if I get voted off. I wanna see Lóng win some stuff. It's just kinda sad to see one tribe lose time after time. But I have ~faith~ and I believe that this tribe will be able to pick it up next round and all of the rounds after! ^_^

And then after the results went up I had this AMAZING conversation with Jaison where I completely made myself look like a big, sketchy dumby. Eeep. :(









I have this like... word vomit problem. It's like, once I realize I've messed up, I can't/won't stop talking for forever and ever just to distract from the fact that I royally fucked up. This has happened on MULTIPLE occasions.

Anyway, after that we talked about his cute little ketchup bottle plushy toy thingy that he got from Japan and told me he sleeps with it and he showed me a picture of it and everything. I ~think~ he likes me a little bit at least which is great because I like him a lot too. Ideally, I'd like for a majority-ish thing to be me/Jaison/Natalie/Nick but I don't really wanna make anything. I feel like the main thing keeping me here is that I'm social enough and I show up for the challenges. Trying to make a majority or going out of my way to take control of the game could totally mess up the groove of my entire like survival thing right now.

I think I finally did the idol search right? Hopefully. Let's pray for me that I like... actually move a spot this round.

I bonded with Natalie a little more. I learned about her whole taking on 2 jobs thing. I also learned that we're both not the kind of people who kill bugs but for completely different reasons. She doesn't like the thought of killing a defenseless little bug and I'm just too frightened of them to even wanna get close enough to kill one. Plus, I feel kinda the same way as her. I have way too much empathy to wanna crush a poor little bug.

Anyway, I woke up this morning and everything was pretty silent until I asked around. Basically, Francesca and Stacey came online and started throwing Caleb's name out and nobody was really happy with that. They nodded and agreed instead of disagreeing and causing conflict and they decided to make a ~move~ of their own. There's gonna be 4 votes on Francesca, 2 votes on Stacey, and 2 votes on Caleb. I'm not the biggest fan in the world of voting out Francesca and Stacey just because I would love the whole safety net of their conflict with Natalie to be around for a little while longer but if that's what the tribe is doing, I'm not ~too~ upset about it. I haven't created a really deep, meaningful bond or a solid strategic bond with Francesca yet. AND she has an advantage in the idol search. It just makes a lot of sense to vote for her right now and I'm kinda on board with the whole plan. Stacey is getting the other 2 votes since she's aligned with Francesca and probably because Natalie is a bit upset with her because of last round. Voting for Stacey is actually something I'm not thrilled about by any means. I think she's fun. She's got a lot of character. A ~LOT~ of spark. I dunno. I like her a lot. I hope Francesca doesn't have/play an idol because I'd love to see Stacey stay around and possibly make some sort of comeback. While she did make herself seem kinda untrustworthy by sorta slapping Natalie in the face after she tried to help her, I still think she's pretty cool. Someone shouldn't be judged as a whole based off of one bad decision that they made.

But yeah, that's the stuff for this round! Unless I'm being lied to and blindsided. Which... I wouldn't be too shocked if that was the case. Francesca is REALLY good at challenges and it seems weird that we'd want to vote her off just because an idol. But we'll see. I'm actually really kinda nervous. Eeeep!

~episode 3~

when i won the immunity challenge by not doing anything until the last 5 minutes

In Shórt BUT I'll explain later: I don't feel comfortable staying on this tribe for much longer. I feel like there's something ~weird~ going on here. I don't necessarily know what it is but I kinda just have a bad feeling. The fact that we were able to pull off a split vote without an alliance/the creation of an alliance? The fact that we're moving into the next round with 6 people left and nobody has talked about alliances? It's all so weird. It doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm a little too paranoid but it just doesn't sit right with me. I feel like I'm being excluded from something. I could totally be wrong but I just kinda have a feeling.

Before I write anything serious: I'm almost certain that some combination of Jaison/Caleb/Nick/Natalie are working together. I think me and Alina have been able to make it through because we've been more active and less pushy than Francesca and Stacey. It's mostly just my intuition telling me this but I've kinda picked up on weird things that point in the direction of those people kinda sorta working together in some way or another.

I'm praying for a swap because I actually think that if we lose again, Alina would survive against me. I was kinda hoping that people would be on board with keeping Stacey around because she'd act as a cushion for the next vote but it's just not happening.

I'm praying for a swap. We'll be down to 21, so maybe we'll swap and keep the 3 tribe format with 7 people on each tribe. I'm not banking on it, though. I'm really gonna start trying to figure out how I'm gonna survive in this game because right now the numbers don't seem to be on my side.

false... alarm... maybe? :)

anyway yes a confessional is coming soon ~for real~ this time

SO HI GUYS it's confessional time!

After the Francesca vote I was feeling kinda icky about the way things happened. I told Stacey the round prior that I wouldn't vote for her and that there would be something ~wrong~ in the galaxy if she left. Aaand then I voted her out the following round. She was pretty sad about it and I understood why. That was like... not my favorite moment and I wish I hadn't said that stuff to her. I just genuinely did like her, it's just that with this tribe I was never gonna be able to like... side with her? It sounds awful but there was never really numbers there to help Francesca and Stacey as much as I kinda wanted to since they'd keep the target off of me for a while and since they were kinda nice.

Going into that challenge I wasn't expecting to win AT ALL. I was gone for the first half of it since I got In N' Out and I mean like I WOULD'VE been paying more attention but In N' Out is my life and my favorite thing on the planet so I dunno I just wanted to ~savor~ the moment with my animal fries. ANYWAY I came back and we were actually in the lead and everyone else randomly was like attacking each other and they all barely had any tiles. All we really had to do was collect the sandbags in the last round to win. It was kinda wild how little I had to do to win that immunity and I feel really thankful that Jenna and Ozzy were competing/making deals with their tribe-mates the entire time to keep us safe. I wasn't shocked that Stacey was throwing stuff at us but that's an entirely different story that I'll get to next.

SO... I'm happy I won immunity. I dunno if I would've been voted off but I know for a fact that Stacey would've thrown my name out since she was targeting my trio. So, I'm pretty stoked that I have safety. It really gave me a little bit more freedom to think ~freely~ when it came to the vote.

Onto the vote...

Stacey came to me and started telling me all of these stories about how she had Natalie's vote and about how she could get other people's votes and how she needed me on board. I listened and I asked questions because I didn't want her to really feel alone or anything. I actually kinda wanted to save her a little bit? I was hoping that there'd be numbers for it but nobody was really biting. I asked around and literally nobody seemed to wanna do it. And then when she started making up different stories about Nick it began to get weird. She was talking about how Nick was targeting her but then she went to Caleb and told him that Nick was targeting him and she was just going around telling people she had different people's votes ranging from mine to Natalie's to Alina's and it was all very strange. It just kinda proved to me that I can't really trust her that much. The first weird thing was when she ratted on Natalie after she tried to help her and the second thing was just now when she started scrambling super hard to the point where her stories were inconsistent and just plain wild. I genuinely wanted to save her but I couldn't really do anything at that point since the numbers weren't there and I kinda just wasn't feeling like it was a thing I really wanted myself near the end of it because of the way she targeted my trio in the challenge and because of her really sketchy stories.

I kinda started to think that being excluded was a bit of a false alarm when Nick came to me a while ago and told me that he wanted to work with me. He told me that he thinks a swap is coming soon (to which I said I'm seriously not holding my breath even though this would be great) and that he wants me and him to stick together. After that I kinda outed the fact that Stacey was campaigning against him to sorta keep his trust a little bit. He said that with 6 people left on the tribe after this things are gonna be really unpredictable and he kinda wants to form something that'll stick whether we swap or stay on the tribe. I told him that this is GREAT because I didn't really feel secure on the tribe and I'm ready to be a part of anything. And then he told me that he only ever hears good things about me from everyone on the tribe and he doesn't think I'll be in ~any~ danger. I dunno how much I can believe that but I don't think he has any reason to really lie to me. SO! I was really happy to hear that and it got me thinking that maybe there isn't some huge alliance conspiracy out there. And if there is, maybe they'll keep me around longer than the other people. Anyway, I told him that I feel really comfortable working with Caleb and he agreed and I'm pretty sure that's gonna be something that we move forward with if we stay on this tribe. We'd only really need one more vote and earlier Alina told me that she's on the outs of the tribe and she'd vote whatever way she needed to if it meant she'd be in the majority. I ~think~ getting her vote wouldn't be the hardest thing in the world but you never really know.

I actually just don't know how this round is gonna go in general. To my knowledge, there's no split and if Stacey has an idol it's basically her choice for who she wants to send home. That's some scary stuff and it's why I'm thanking GOD I have this immunity because I just have a ~feeling~ she would send me out in a heartbeat. There's also the chance that people are gonna side with her in this vote but that would really shock me. Everyone's talking about tribe unity and moving forward as a group and stuff and if any of them went back on what they said about that (especially since they were the ones preaching about it to begin with) I'd kinda seriously :erm: at them a little bit.

But yeah! This is how things are unfolding a little bit. I'm having really mixed feelings about Stacey leaving and I feel awful about the way I left our relationship but I guess that's the game sometimes. I kinda told her I was voting for her and I thought other people might vote for her too so if she has an idol she'll most likely play it correctly and I wouldn't be ~too~ upset about it since I like her despite her sketchiness.

BUT YEAH that's all I have to say for today! ^_^

~episode 4~

i wanna stop losing :cry:

This is gonna be kinda rushed since I only have an hour to write it!!!

So... voting for Stacey was lame. I liked her personality quite a bit and to see her get voted off so unceremoniously made me feel really bad. She deserved a lot better and I'm kinda disappointed in the way I handled our entire relationship. I shouldn't have made her believe our strategic relationship was a lot more serious than it really was but I did and that was not good. :/

But ~the show must go on~ and I kinda got over it a little bit in time for our CHALLENGE!!

The challenges were fairly simple and actually kinda fun for me. The balance beam specifically was a challenge I had a lot of fun doing. It required teamwork, it was challenging, and I was able to step up to the plate and really show that I'm sorta kinda a little bit good at these thingies. I think I performed pretty well in both challenges since I was kinda quick and didn't mess up in either of them and I think as a whole the team did fairly well which is GREAT. :D

I actually kinda thought we had a chance to win but that was probably just me looking at the situation through rose-tinted glasses because I really wanted a victory for the tribe for once. Buuut sadly, we lost. We would've lost even if Caleb had participated which makes me feel kinda blah. It almost feels like we're never gonna win anything and that's exactly the wrong attitude to have so I'll stop that ~right now~ it's just frustrating. This was probably the closest we've ever come to winning a challenge and it makes me kinda sad that we weren't able to just be a little bit quicker. Buuut... there's always next time. I'm sure this tribe will win the next challenge it's presented.

~I~ ~AM~ ~SURE~ ~OF~ ~IT~ ^_^

Nick approached me and wanted to get a group going and I was super duper enthusiastic about that. All I've wanted is a group so I can kinda feel like I have some footing or some security because I know me. I know that I'm a paranoid mess and if I don't have something stable I'll go completely out of my mind wondering if people are trying to take me out. So, I was VERY VERY VERY happy that he wanted to work with me and wanted to get a group together with me. His plan basically is to have me, him, and Alina as a core group moving forward. He thinks this is ideal because if we vote for Caleb like the tribe wants this round, we have the majority if we have to vote again. I'm all for this and I'm excited to finally be a part of something. I HOPE! this works out well and I'll stay optimistic about it for now.

Onto the vote...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Nobody's really talking to me. I missed Jaison and Natalie this morning and didn't get to discuss the vote AT ALL with them this morning. Alina and Nick are telling me that people are wanting Caleb but there's not a lot of like names attached to the whole wanting Caleb out thing. I'm assuming they had a chance to talk to Jaison and Natalie and that's what they mean by people but assuming is never a good thing to do. Anyway, I'm gonna have to believe them because there's no way I can get in contact with Jaison and Natalie before the votes are revealed and voting any other way than for Caleb will probably result in me looking really bad to my new alliance.

I feel awwwful voting for Caleb. He came to me earlier and apologized for his participation (or lack thereof) in the challenge and then told me that he'd really like to stay but he didn't want me to do anything too drastic or ruin my game trying to save him. I kinda had a feeling his name would be thrown around but I just genuinely like Caleb so much that I told him I hadn't heard his name going around and that he should keep his head up because absolutely nothing is set in stone yet. This was probably an awful decision but I didn't want him to feel defeated or like he had to rely on me if he wanted to stay. I want him to keep playing and keep fighting to stay but ever since I sent him that message about nothing being set in stone, he hasn't messaged me. So, I dunno if he found a way to stay that doesn't involve me or if he just gave up but either way I'm not too excited about either of those scenarios.

But yeah, that's it for now!!! ^_^