holy shit. i won. i actually won the final comp and took out drew. honestly, i cant believe it. im literally sitting here in the final 2. a part of me doesn't know how the fuck i pulled this off, but i kept playing this game no matter what insane odds i had against me. i never gave up, and here i am. honestly i think i deserve to win this game. i really, really do. if i lose to danielle im gonna be kind of pissed because its almost unbelieveable i made it here after the first few evictions, imo. id rather lose to her than anyone else out of the people who made jury..... but like....id rather not lose at all. im gonna bare my soul for this finale and i hope to god they reward me with the win. pleaaaaaaaase let's pull out one last hurrah. ive got my speech basically written up but i wanna post it at the same time as danielle. dont wanna give her time to try and debunk shit i say and make her opening retroactively less bad than mine.

what my speech is looking like rn:

hey there, guys!

so I’m not gonna sit here and write you guys a lord of the rings novel – you’d probably just get scared away and miss the main points im gonna try to hit here. I am gonna give you guys a rundown on my game and the important beats that I think I need to talk about, and if you want specifics on literally anything, AMA.

with that being said, sitting here, Im aware my game wasn’t perfect, and ill own up to that - however, for every mistake I made or whatever thing that went wrong, I tried to turn it into an advantage. whether or not that always worked… who the hell knows. but I always tried to salvage whatever happened in one way or another:

after the rachelle vote, shit hit the fan for me – I saw ally after ally and person I wanted to work with after person I wanted to work with go home one right after the other; I tried to twist this into an advantage by playing up how I lost a final 2 deal in nicole, which…we never had one, I only said that to minimize damage with danielle/other people and give a solid reason as to why I voted to keep her as well as give people the idea that I was “now without a final 2” and potentially give people the idea they could work with me. after lisa went home I continued to try to play up that I was without allies to ideally give myself some more weight and let people think that I could work with them or be a potential number/comp winner for them.

I never ever stopped trying to communicate with people in the majority and tried to make it clear I was open to options. honestly, I felt that most people probably had their ideal BFF finals partner picked out, and that none of those said ideal partners had a daughter – so all I was trying to do was keep myself in as long as possible. I honestly didn’t care what I had to say or push, I didn’t care about what happened to anybody but myself as long as I thought it might benefit me and give people a reason to keep me in the game just a little bit longer.

did it work completely flawlessly? no, not really, but out of everyone who voted to evict rachelle, i was the last to be nominated, despite going an unnecessary 22 hours in an endurance competiton at the final TEN. despite continuously getting second place after second place in the comps. despite winning the first HOH and likely having somewhat of a target on my back from the beginning. despite being someone who didn’t trust rachelle at all and really wanted to keep my partner in. despite being someone who wanted to see a split house – I was the last person from that side to be nominated and I was able to get myself to a point where I had less and less viable threats in the comps.

there were times I pissed people off to an extreme extent: danielle wanted me gone desperately after I had sent merron home, however I was able to turn this relationship around almost completely, turning myself into someone she wanted gone immediately into a final 2 deal which we kept all the way to the end. I was able to turn someone who wanted me out like no other into someone who voted to keep me in this game over chicken george – someone the jury had criticized and not really seemed like much of a fan of.

and as the game went on, I know I probably wasn’t able to be around as much as danielle on a constant basis – honestly, I had underestimated the time commitment the game would be in both quantity of time and how long it would take, along with how much shit id have to deal with in the real world. however, I still tried to make every conversation count and I tried to put my 100% into each and every one. I tried to make all the time I had in this game count as best as I could.

I know I wasn’t any drew, going nearly 60 hours in 2 posting competitions, but I went nearly 40 and literally took some time off so that I could sit here and post shit. some people might say that’s pathetic to do for an online big brother game, and honestly a part of me agrees with you, however I really, really wanted to do well in this game, and I really, really want this win, and I hope you guys can see that.

as dramatic as it sounds, I put blood sweat and tears into this game. I felt that I was up against some crazy ass odds at multiple points in this game, but I always managed to find a way to make it through. all I can ask is that you guys please, please, PLEASE give me a CHANCE (insert sam voice here) at your vote in this finale. I truly do believe I deserve this win and that I played the better game, and I hope i can make you guys agree with me.

that’s all.

thank you.

if metta actually bases his vote on a coin im gonna lose my shit lol. i think its just a reaction test though and i think i handled it as well as i could have. but we'll see.

im fucking nervous lol.... im starting to get a little worried but im just trying to do the best i can do here. im not the most eloquent person but i just hope i can still get rewarded with this win. i want it so bad fuckkkkk i can basically feel it i realllyyyy don't wanna JUST lose out on it :/

ok nvm i think i got this. i do feel really bad for danielle tho she's getting a lot of shit haha i mean i gave her shit too but idk. it sucks to make it all the way to the end then everyones kinda shitting on her. like im glad i think i have the votes to win (please god) but yeah