I AM SO SAD

TOM DIDN'T DESERVE THAT

Like I feel genuinely awful. That was a terrible reasoning for voting someone out but I don't know what else I could have done? He literally wasn't talking to Dana, Alexis, or Kat. That's half the tribe. I'm sure he had a good reason for that, but when he talked to me, I really did feel connected to him. I feel awful, but I would have felt just as awful voting anyone else out. Nobody did anything wrong and it's not like I had a ton of options. I would have preferred getting the votes for Alexis, but Kat/Dana didn't see the point in keeping someone who wasn't really talking to them.

I'm definitely not happy how that went down and I refuse to go back to tribal council with these girls. It would get so ugly, we're all fighters.

Definitely talking a lot with Kat/Sydney about us three being a trio so tomorrow I'm making that happen, and then currently talking to Kat/Dana now about adding Dana onto that for a blonde girls alliance. Which is such a trivial basis for an alliance, but it's just a coincidence that we all have blonde hair I swear

Dana just approached me with a brilliant plan.

She has 25 bounty points right now. If we get out Alexis next, and she votes Alexis with us, she gets raised to 70, (because she gets 40 for another assassin kill + 5 for correct voting) All she needs is for someone to lend her ten points and she has enough for the idol.

So the plan right now if we lose is to vote Alexis, Alexis sends one of us to the floating island place, Dana transfers her points, and we buy the idol before the other tribes can get their hands on it.

I started out by saying I didn't want to use this twist to make strategic decisions... but now I'm starting to see some surprising benefits. Like being able to grab the expensive idol by round 3.

(edited due to me being bad at math but still being correct in the end)

After a good nights sleep...

The plan to get Alexis out is great for guaranteeing that our tribe snags the idol, but if we lost again I would be in danger because my bounty would be worth SIXTY points. I definitely want our tribe to snag the idol for sale, but if we lose again, all they have to do is make the argument that losing me could allow them to easily buy another half-idol.

So I have to figure out a way to guarantee my protection for that second tribal. Best case scenario is that we win this challenge, then MAYBE lose Alexis to snag the idol, and then tribe swap or something to give us more options and potentially reset the assassin game.

I'm assuming that in a tribe swap situation the assassin thing would be restructured

I'm definitely feeling my footing slip a little bit right now.

Not feeling too good about the way the girls are interacting with me. A healthy bit of paranoia is good, and I'm hoping that's all I have. Apparently the plan with the blonde girls is all set in place. But I think I'm kind of *too much* sometimes and on a tribe this small that loses more than a few times.... the target will just naturally get bigger and bigger. Plus even if everyone is telling me the truth and we do lose Alexis, I feel like I would be a natural next target to gain 60 bounty points and be able to purchase a half-idol along with an idol. I just really really need a tribe swap soon to get a slightly bigger tribe and some breathing room.

I definitely feel like my tribe is kind of like Casaya with a bunch of pretty strong personalities and gameplayers. Compared to Aso who's a lot like La Mina with a lot more mellow personalities.

I just like literally am SO frustrated because this is another tribal council where we vote someone off who's done literally NOTHING wrong.

I think it's Alexis going. Or I'm getting blindsided. Which at this point the latter might be preferable just so I don't have to keep voting off people who I genuinely like. This is not fun at all, especially because even if Alexis does go I think I'm next.

I'm not even close to catching my perp, DNA results came back and none of my tribe mates are the terrorist. All I want to do is save America.

So the night has ended and I'm pretty sure it's Alexis. :(

I mean the good news is that Dana's going to snag that idol. I do hate giving Dana all that power, but she played it pretty nicely and I have to give her credit. Having her find the idol IS in the benefit of all of us because then we know that nobody from the other teams have that particular one.

I really fought hard that we should tell Alexis, but Syd/Kat kind of shot me down because they didn't want 24 hours of Alexis scrambling. So Alexis thinks the vote is Dana and it just breaks my heart. I really want to have fun in this game but honestly right now this is just really sucky because I really do like everybody on my tribe and I hate these tribal councils.

Plus I really can't shake the feeling that I'm next if we lose again. Like Kat SWEARS up and down I'm 100% safe, and she definitely is my number one at this point so I'm apt to believe her, but my confidence definitely won't be very high. If I can just get to a tribe swap I feel like I can maneuver myself and the blondes into good positions, but it'll just take getting there. I think of maybe not tribe swapping for another two rounds or something and my heart falls to my stomach.

I definitely feel like I’m emulating Sugar in this game, but then again, I always am more of an emotionally driven player. I just really have a hard time lying to people that I genuinely connect with. I know that it’s just a game, and when push comes to shove I will do what needs to be done. And when we actually tribe swap and we can actually go against other tribes, I’m going to weave my way in and out and blindside all of them by ripping them apart with my harpy talons. But with this particular tribe, I’m just really struggling.

I really fought hard that we should tell Alexis, but the other girls were pretty against it just so we wouldn’t have 24 hours of scrambling. This is the same situation that happened with Tom where I was the only one who wanted to give him a heads up. I feel like I’m too nice and it’s going to bite me in the ass.

I don’t know, I really want to be having a fun time in this game but I’m struggling because I genuinely feel like these people on my tribe don’t deserve to go home. I AM ACTUALLY TURNING INTO SUGAR FROM GABON. THIS IS NOT DELIBERATE. I JUST WANT TO KEEP THE GOOD PEOPLE IN THE GAME, (except until the very end where I have to go against people I can beat in a jury vote).

I am being distracted from my mission. I need to focus. I was sent here to catch a terrorist, and all this estrogen is affecting my hormones. North Korea send a sleeper agent here to win the million dollars to help buy supplies to create a nuclear missile aimed STRAIGHT for Washington D.C.

I can’t trust anyone, (especially Host Woo, those North Korean’s are tricky). I have to remain focused. I can only remember my training, nothing else. Not my kidnapping by Al Quade terrorists, my rescue by the CIA, getting pressured into signing a deal to become a specialized agent for my country in return for being rescued… just the training that happened afterward.

I will clear my emotions. I will be strong. I am Detective Nancy Drew operating under the alias name of Jessica “Sugar” Kiper, and I will win this game and defend my country.

OKAY SO QUICK UPDATE ON MY WY TO CLASS

Kat told me that Sydney added Her/Dana into a chat earlier last round which both of them were uncomfortable with and it's quickly died. SYDNEY WAS THE ONE PUSHING FOR ME TO ADD HER/TOM INTO A CHAT. She wanted to have two chats with Kat/Dana and Me/Tom. Sneaky sneaky.

So I told Kat about Sydney's chat with Tom and I and she was shocked. THE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT DETECTIVE WORK IS THAT PEOPLE SHOULD WORK TOGETHER. Kat and I turned into regular Nancy Drew's this round.

so tonight I'm telling Dana about Sydney pushing for a Me/Tom/Sydney chat, which I'm sure will inspire Dana to tell me about Sydney's chat with Her and Kat. Which should forge a bond between Me/Dana/Kat... so if we lose again I think Sydney is a goner. I honestly wouldn't mind voting out Sydney over Alexis right now, but then we wouldn't have enough bounty points for an idol plus trying to flip the vote would be kind of shady.

I do feel a lot better about my position right now. Tonight I'm throwing Syd under the bus to Dana/Kat to kind of make us three a thing. And if we lose after that? Well, if we lose four times in a row then I'll probably deserve to go home haha.