My last stand to Eric (actually sent to him via IM):

All right Eric, I’m gonna make one last stand to you. If I don’t win Immunity, I know I’m getting voted out. I’ve never lied to you, and I will not today. But I think you’re a smart guy, so I hope you at least hear me out. I want both of us to have a chance of winning, and I’m saying this in both of our best interests.

Why would you play just to make it to the end, and not to win? You have 0 chance of winning with Jacob or Kate in FTC with you. You need to vote out Jacob this round if he doesn’t win immunity, and if he does, you gotta vote out Kate. Sure, I’m saying this to save my ass, but listen to this and tell me if any of this does not make sense.
Jacob made a F2 agreement with me. I can give you screenshot proof if you want. He’s made one with Kate – I’ll give you proof of it at the end of this. If he made one with you – this shows both of us how well he’s playing. No one has been willing to vote him out at any point until now. What makes you so sure he’ll take you over Kate?

At the merge, there were 3 threats: RJ, Lindsay, and Jacob. Jacob and Lindsay rallied together against RJ. Jacob then worked you and Kate against Lindsay. But now no one is willing to vote against Jacob. Jacob has been the mastermind behind everything pre and post merge, and I have all the evidence for it. If he votes me out, I’m doing everything in my power to make sure Jacob wins – including working the rest of the jury.

And EVEN IF in the small chance that you were to go against Kate, she has Lindsay and the Rockefellers in her pocket. That lost you 3 of the crucial votes that you would have needed in FTC. Lindsay will rally the rest of the jury for Kate. With either Kate or Jacob, you needed me or Anthony in the end to win, and now, I’m your only chance.
If I’m out, you would already have 2 votes confirmed against you: me and Anthony. The Rockefellers were smart to recognize Lindsay as a threat – they’re smart enough to recognize Jacob as the power player, and will vote him.

And you might think that at F3, Kate is going to take out Jacob with you. That’s not gonna happen. Kate is sticking to her “loyalty” to Jacob – she’s not even playing to win for herself at this point, so why would she take you in the end?

I think I’m screwed anyways I’m getting voted out next, most likely. So why not take the risk and take one of the threats out? If either of them has convinced you that I’m a threat – please. This is my first game, and I have enough self-awareness to know that my game has been shit. I’ve hidden behind Jacob and Kate, and relied on them (and you) to save me at 7, when it was me or Lindsay. Jacob and Kate were in control back at Vanderbilt. But at least, I want to be there in the end, and we’re the only final pairing that’s even remotely close.

I think you’re a Survivor fan. If you are, you should know that followers never win. Becky didn’t win. Chelsea didn’t win. Natalie didn’t win. Mick didn’t win. Take the reins of your game, and give yourself a legitimate chance. As a Survivor fan, I think you deserve to give yourself at least that much.
If in the end you still decide to stick with Jacob/Kate, so be it. No hard feelings – it’s been a fun game, and I’m not going to hold a grudge (at least not until after Final Tribal Council is over). But I do think you’re smart enough to make the right play. Force the tie – don’t let Jacob win so easily.

And, I got paid to write this. Fuck yeah.

For my own entertainment, I'm going to rewrite Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" into "All I want for Christmas is for You (to get booted)". With ukulele accompaniment.

CUZ WHY NOT

Sooooo I basically have to choose between doing this Immunity Challenge, and seeing the guy I'm dating for the last time in a month?

Fuck.