This has been easily the worst week in Sausage Island for me, mostly because it has meant a lot of dealing with Rory and Yve. AND on top of that, there's been a lot of annoying behavior from generally everyone so...I'm over it. Done. So glad it's over now. Anyways....

The Stephen vote went off without a hitch, so Yay! I think ultimately it was the right move because he was trying to play all sides, was closer to Sierra/Erik, and just generally was a shady bastard. So, bye Stephen! Monica wasn't as annoyed as I thought she'd be which was good. Rory on the other hand threw a huge bitch fit about the whole thing, going around and screaming at people and generally throwing a giant pity party for himself. Annoying. He sent me a PM explaining how sorry he was, saying that I was the ONLY one he sent it to. First thing I ask Yve afterwards? "Did Rory PM you?" "Yes". Nice play, Ror. I can never tell if he's playing dumb on purpose to look weak or if is just actually a bad player that makes it work for him? I don't know.

So this week's challenge was insane. I was all set to do it and at least go for awhile only to learn that Caryn had completed 8 hours!!!!!!?!?!!? There weren't even 8 hours left in the challenge when I started, so I went for 10 minutes and stopped. CHALLENGE BEAST. I'm not gonna waste my time if it's an impossible task. No thanks! That said, after the chaos of this week and the paranoia being slung around by literally everyone, I have a renewed passion to win challenges. Going all out from here on out, promise.

Then began the messiness that was strategy this week, from literally all of us, myself included. My gut instinct this week was to flip. The Erik/Garrett/Sierra/Kelley quartet seems much closer to one another than they are to us. In our group chat they all pleasantly quip back and forth, know a lot about one another, and just generally converse. But when Yve or I (especially Yve tbh) try and bring something to the convo it seems to either grind to a halt or slow down to a crawl, which is annoying. This is especially worrisome for Yve because in this game there is a history of people ignoring Yve and her getting pissed off about it. If you want Yve's loyalty, all you really have to do is include her and make her feel heard. Which these people aren't doing for her, and on a lesser level me either. On top of that, from the Stephen vote until the moment Caryn lost the challenge, not a single one of them engaged me in a one on one convo, or even tried to. I'm not such of an egomaniac to realize that I did not try and engage them either, but it worries me nonetheless.

So this week was just one giant fucking migraine that didn't end until the votes were read. There were three tiers of annoyance this week for me personally, and I'll rank them here in order of annoyance from least to most annoying.

1) My so-called "alliance" being communication averse. Getting these fools to make a definitive decision about the vote ended up being harder than it had any right to be. The weirdest part was, during the challenge every was like "we need to get Rory out!" and seemed super on board with it. Then the challenge ended and everyone all of a sudden got quiet and when Yve started asking people what they were thinking....nothing. For like 12 hours! It was so bizarre and infuriating. Finally it took me saying Rory's name for everyone to all of a sudden start having opinions. What annoyed me the most about this was that both Sierra and Garrett came up to me in individual conversations saying they wanted Rory out, but like REFUSED to post in the group chat for some reason. This was the fucking weekend, by the point that I was ready to vote for Rory I wanted to just fucking get a consensus going and go like fucking enjoy my weekend. And the fact that almost everyone was around but not willing to like say a fucking name pissed me the fuck off. Still, eventually we got our shit together. There's a few more things I want to talk about with these people, but it's more an individual thing with each of them, so I'll address it next confessional.

2. Rory's Pity Party Hyphen Bitch Fit. UGH Rory. I just can't with him still. I'm just not designed to handle someone like him in a game like this. It's just not in my range of abilities. After Caryn won the challenge (and Rory put up an awesome, valiant effort....that also kinda made him seem more of a threat?), Rory immediately began the pity party parade tour. He went around to literally all of us trying to earn sympathy, respect, loyalty, whatever he could grab. At the point when he first approached me, I was still leaning towards keeping him. I felt like if we saved him this round A) we'd gain a ton of loyalty from him since he'd burned bridges with a lot of other people (and would keep doing so up until his vote out) and B) The E/S/G alliance wouldn't be expecting it at 10 in the way that they would at 9. I felt like we could make some kind of alliance between me/Rory/Monica/Yve that would be secure and tight because we all kind of had nobody else in the game. Rory annoys me more than anyone else in this game overall, but I'm trying not to play personally. So...during our first talk I tried to give Rory a little hope and say that I needed to speak with Yve before committing to anything serious, but I had "ideas".

Unfortunately, as you can tell now that wasn't to be. We'll get to the reasons why in #3, but now I was stuck with a Rory expecting me to get back to him and....I didn't really want to lol. I just didn't want to have to deal with a full conversation with him screaming at me or pleading with me, it could go either way. So I decided to just ignore him. Call me a coward, call me a wuss, whatever. I just didn't have it in me to deal with him. I was worried he'd go back to Sierra and try and twist the vote on me by saying I was thinking about flipping but...that turned out to be just paranoia. Still, I covered my tracks by simply telling her I was telling him what he wanted to hear. Still, about two hours before the vote I decided to just IM Rory telling him that I had to vote him off. Yes, coward move, but I was still "upfront" with him so hopefully he's not TOO revengeful in the case I make the finals (lol yeah right). I haven't heard the full story about Rory's mega flame outs to Garrett but :confused: :facepalm: at him. He's just proving to be exactly what I'd expect. Glad I didn't flip after that bullshit. Bye Rory!

3. YVE MAKES ME WANT TO FUCKING TEAR MY HAIR OUT. Yve is the worst person to be in a swing position with. No she's hasn't gone full emotional wreck / crazy person (ok, maybe a little) but she's just a flaky, waffling mess the entire time. First off, having a conversation with her takes at least three hours. AT LEAST. This is because she takes about twenty minutes to respond to each and every IM. There's these giant gaps in between each IM that are excruciating to deal with when you trying to make a clutch decision. If I want to have a coherent convo with a real back and forth I have to stay up until past midnight or sometimes even 1 in the morning. I'm fine with that sometimes, but like...I'm an early riser and I don't want to stay up super late EVERY NIGHT. I have to work early ugh. And sometimes even then she takes forever to respond. Kill me. Of all the people to be stuck in a swing position with, it had to be fucking Yve and not like Katie or even Fairplay. OR MONICA.

Anyways, that's all my complaints just in general about dealing with her. But the REAL infuriating thing about deal with her this week is that she's insufferable when it comes to strategy. The problem is that I know a little more about dynamics than she does thanks to you know, actually talking to people and getting insider info from Monica. But I can talk about it and give it away, so I'm constantly having to like check myself when talking to her. So she'll say things that are completely off base about Monica and I'm constantly having to like subtly nudge her in the right direction. AND she's very pig headed. As evidenced by the Fairplay vote. When I deal with her, I know not to push her or put down ultimatums. I don't want to force her into something because she'll go crazy and get emotional. I'll give her some credit---I think she was right this week and we shouldn't have flipped. I agree with her now, and her reasoning was good. I caught a case of Big Move-itis. A bad one. So her kind of putting her foot down isn't want infuriated me about her. What infuriated me was that she kept waffling after I had already agreed with her and we'd decided. So one second it was like "Yeah, we need to vote Rory out"....twenty minutes later "IDK I think it might be good to save Rory and earn his trust".....twenty mintues later "no no we need to vote out Rory"...twenty minutes later "I'm not sure, I don't know". And this was like 3 hours before the vote. I even at one point was like "You decide, but it needs to be soon because we don't have time if we think we need to make a move". And hour passed with no response and I was like "fuck it, we're voting Rory. I have to go, so....Rory is leaving".

I can't deal with someone like that. I really, really, really just can't. She's waffley, spacey, and a general hassle to work with. But I need her, because she'll be loyal. So I have to suck it up. Once we're out of a swing position I think she'll be easier to handle because I can use other people to make decisions and she won't be so pivotal. But right now it's like being at the whim of an schizophrenic amnesiac. So...not a good place to be.

Ok I have to go to work, but in my next confessional I promise:
-A rundown of the players left
-Why Erik's gotta go
-Why Garrett is so annoying to talk to
-My complex relationship with Monica
-Why Caryn needs to lose immunity....but not go home

Lol @ me misspelling "hyphen" in my episode title the first time around. Such an Austin move. #NoTimetoSpellCheck