Since this is such a huge round, I decided to not be lazy and wait till after the round is over to do my confessional. So I'll do one now and try and update it more consistently during the round so y'all can perhaps see a bit of my thought process. Let's go :nerd:

So we merged! YAAAAAAAY! I mean, I'm obviously very happy to have made the merge but in all honesty I wouldn't have minded going 1 more round as tribes, if only because I felt like I was secure in my old tribe and would have liked to take out Rory before the merge. If only because he annoys the fuck out of me, and I'm really not good at dealing with him. He's too full frontal for me to handle (wow that sounds super dirty XD).

But, all in all, I'm very pleased with the merge. I think Yve and I are in a super good spot because I feel like for at least a few rounds we'll be the swing votes, and the we'll have to pick a side. I could just be totally off base, but already the two different troupes have approached me, including Garrett, Sierra, Caryn, and Rory in a general way about needing to stick together. I'm realizing that the Garrett/Erik/Sierra side is probably much more solid than the Caryn/Sue/Rory side, which I'm taking into consideration for the future. I've been fairly quiet since the merge kinda taking a bit of a back seat role and waiting for people to come to me, which I hope doesn't end up screwing me this week. We'll see, but I feel good.

In other news, Yve and I "officially" became a Final Two this week in the most awkward way possible with her pretending to propose for me. Really, Yve? You make it too easy to make fun of you. It was BEYOND awkward, but obviously I accepted. And right now, I'm leaning towards taking her all the way to the end because I feel like I have a huge advantage over her in any kind of final tribal situation. But that's super far ahead, and with 11 out of 18 people still in the game I'm thinking short term mostly. But holy shit would our wedding be a total shotgun wedding. With me holding the shotgun.

This brings me to Monica. What a complex relationship we have. Over the past two rounds (after she rather heartlessly voted out Katie to align with goobers), we've seen ourselves slowly drifting to two different sides of the game. I've been getting closer to people like Sierra and Garrett while she's solidified with Caryn and Sue. This is fine for me, and opens up doors for us to work two sides but I'm not sure that she truly trusts me at this point? Idk, I think she thinks I'm a bit more pissed about the Katie vote than I am (I'm pissed, but not enough to like ~betray~ her), and she often seems incredulous about why I'd want to side with "threats" like Sierra and Erik. Yes, because the smart move for ME would be to join up with her and three people I have absolutely no connection with in any way. She just doesn't get that we can still be aligned and work on opposing sides to keep one another safe, as much as she says she does. I just feel like she wants me to do what she wants rather than whats good for me. My outlook is more like: how can we play both sides and eliminate major players on BOTH our sides before reconvening at like 7 or 8 (with loyal pups like Yve, Sue, and even Kelley/Stephen depending). So I've proposed to her that we try work a way where we both stay on our sides and feel comfortable. Idk, the logistics are still fuzzy at this moment but I'm hoping to work things out with Monica in the end but if not, it's not because I didn't try. It will reach a point where either I'm gonna have to cut her or go all in, or she'll have to make he same decision. We'll see.

Lastly, this challenge. OMG I'm so excited for this one. The doll thing, no so much. But the mean questions I'm all about. I'm not super confident in my answers only because it's one of those situations where you feel good when writing them and as soon as you post it you go "WTF did I say Garrett for villain for?". Caryn informed me she thought I was gonna win because nobody wants to chop me, but already Sierra and Garrett have both told me they are chopping me to "hide" our relationship. I mean, I get the sentiment but like, I kind of want to win? Until jury starts I want to win 100% so I can get there. Hell, afterwards I'll still try. We'll see how this goes, I can't imagine me winning with those two chopping me. Not mention whoever else does. So we'll see :/

P.S. If this challenge goes into PST Survivor I'm totally gonna be calling out y'alls #ESTBias with this time change :P

When is PST Survivor

11 - 1 EST.

Obviously you guys can't stay up that late to start the challenge, I'm mostly kidding :)

haha this might run into the start but as long as you have a cut list you'll be fine

I'll read this when I'm sober..jc/

I did read them <3

Thanks Shawna, you're the only one :cry: :cry: :cry: (:

So...I WON THE CHALLENGE! wOOT wOOT! And actually kind of super easily? I've never been one to really adhere to the credence of "throw challenges so as to not look like a threat", so I'll probably be trying to win every week unless it's just something I'm absolutely hopeless at (hint: creative challenges). Anyways, I felt super good about my chances heading into this week, and it worked out very well. I went with the cowardly but effective challenge strategy of attacking people who aren't around to attack me back, and it worked since like...nobody went for me until there was like 3 people left (lol) except stupid Sierra and her "hiding our bond". :erm: I was also super glad that it was Monica who got the other immunity because even though we are rocky at the moment I think I need her around for a few more rounds as a cover and to get information. We'll get to our dynamics later.

I don't think this challenge was as ~revealing~ as I'd have liked it to be, if only because there aren't any real clear power players that are like dominating the season and we are all kind of little spazzes. The big questions were kind of wah-wah in that the answers didn't feel definitive (Stephen/Rory/Monica as winners? WTF!), and the negative ones were like 90% Sue which like...boring. I got two very nice ones (Hero and Most Likely to Succeed at Real Survivor), which I feel are a good sign and not super threatening in the long haul, at least not in the same way that like "Most Strategic" or "Biggest Challenge Threat" are. I mean, I felt like a total egomaniac picking myself for Hero but I got it right, so whatever. I'll take it <3

So, after the vote it became very clear that it was going to be down to choosing the Sierra/Erik/Garrett side and the Rory/Caryn side. Kelley made it clear very quickly that she felt more comfortable with the S/E/G side. I think that she is indeed rather close to Erik, but not so close that I can put a bit of dent in her mind doubting his closeness to Sierra. But the fact that she went so quickly to their side tells me that she's maybe not malleable enough to work with at the moment, but someone who I can definitely work on in the future. Her insecurities came out a tad in the challenge, and I think she's smart enough to realize that she can't stick with Erik to the end. She's still a bit of an enigma and a wild card, and could be key in the future. But from that point on, after she makes it clear that she wants to work with S/E/G I felt like that was easily the way to go.

I think a lot of people may be looking at my decision to join them with a bit of skepticism. Why would I go with a strong alliance of 3 so willingly over a scattered mess of an alliance with more cracks? There's a few reasons. For one, I can't stand talking with like half of the other people. Caryn has become awful to talk to, speaking very deliberately and thinking out every fucking syllable in the most obnoxious way possible. It's like talking to a fucking politician. Stephen is similar, but also intensely boring and I'm pretty sure he thinks he can just drop a name on my lap and I'll vote wherever he wants. Sue is Sue. Rory is excruciating to talk to under all circumstances and I just can't deal with that fool. And Monica has burned every possible bridge by needlessly voting out Katie to save these said misfits but made no effort to hide her move or even do damage control. Had she not won that immunity, she'd be the target this week and I'd be in an even tougher position.

Speaking of Monica, whatever it is we has is slowly starting to die, and most on her end. Her problem is that she wants me to do what she wants all the time. She wants me to immediately join her side of the vote despite the fact that she comes off scot free and I literally have to burn four or five people to do it, and afterwards am part of a group I have absolutely no connections with on any level in any way. It makes no sense for me. I know she'd say the same about my side but I'M NOT MAKING HER DO ANY OF THAT SHIT. I'm totally still willing to finagle a way so we both go deep, but she's being pouty and distant rather than actually trying to work with me on a plan. So I'm slowly just getting over her. I'm gonna keep her close, but from here on out I'm feeling less incentive to give her information and if she's to go next....I might not protest. She needs to stop being a mopey brat and start like working to save herself and make bonds again. Her social game has gone down the tube since the Katie vote because she's too awkward with people. Idk, she's just frustrating the shit out of me. I told her about the Stephen vote and her reaction was "you are handing Sierra/Erik/Garrett the game :/". And I was like.....we are at FINAL 10 bitch. There's so much game still to be played, stop being a whiny, blubbering baby and work to fucking stay. UGH I'm over it. She's pissing me off so I need to cool down. I wouldn't be surprised or even that pissed if she told Caryn and Caryn staved Stephen as long as she doesn't tell everyone that it was me who told her.

Anyways, back to why I picked the side I picked: they are honestly just the people I want to play this game with. They are nicer, funnier, and more down to earth. I also think that there ARE cracks to be taken advantage of. I DO have bonds with Sierra and Erik that I can at least try and solidify into something bigger if need be. Yve and I know that we can't go the distance with them because how chummy they all are our in group chats. It's not like this vote is going to completely tank my game by any means, and as long as I put the work in I could always flip with some combo of Sue/Caryn/Rory/Monica/Kelley/Yve and turn it around for myself. Or hell, maybe Garrett will approach me about something. Who knows! I just know I can't pull a Monica and make a bad move for the sake of making a bad move. It's not happening, I'll become a pariah like her. So Stephen goes this week, and then we see what happens.

I READ!

ME TOO

I read everything.

Awwwww, thanks y'all for indulging my cry for attention <3 ;) ;)

I read! :,)

I read too!