My last confessional was both super late and super lame, so I'm determined to make this one a return to form. It'll still have plenty of bitching and whining and be truthful about just how down I was for most of the last round, but I've kind of gotten over that at least for now and I'm ready to be more optimistic again. Anyways, here we go. :nerd:

AGAIN, spell check warning. It took me a long time to write this so I didn't feel like proofreading it lol. I'll do it at a later date.

Last round started after an extended tribal council in which the votes tied between Vytas and Sue. My biggest issue was this simply that the tie extended the game a whole extra day, a day in which I did absolutely nothing and struggled to hold even the most basic conversations with anyone. I don't really care about either Vytas or Sue in this game, so whatever Monica & Co felt was best I was okay with. It ended up being Vytas, the only person who I've literally never spoken a single word to in this game, so it was obviously a positive outcome for me.

After that, I was feeling pretty listless in the game, so the news that a swap had occurred gave me a bit of a positive motivation that perhaps it would reinvigorate my game on numerous levels. Yeah, that didn't happen because MY TRIBE. OMG you guys, the tribes literally got swapped down the lines of like "power players" vs. "randos and wild cards". The Power Players are people like Erik, Sierra, Stephen, Monica. Katie to a lesser extent. And certainly not Sue lol. But I get put with this motley crue: Rory, Rob, Kelley, Yve, and Garrett. Literally my first IM was to Katie and it just said UGH MY TRIBE. I'll do one of my patented rundowns of my new tribe and where I sat with them over the course of this round to just to let you know just how awful a swap this potentially is for me.

: Oh, Garrett. What an absolutely fascinating person. At the start of this round, Garrett had only made terrible impressions. His awful comments towards women (I realize now that they are probably just "jokes" and come a bit from his being European but like still...not cool) had left a bad impression on me and not endeared me to go any further with trying to talk to him. BUT we actually had an extremely nice conversation! He's definitely a little off and maybe it's a cultural thing or maybe it's a crudeness thing but I think once I got the hang of him and like recognized that it's just like a personality quirk I actually kind of like him? He's just fascinating to talk with, and I get the feeling that he's feeling very worried about being on this tribe as well, considering his closest allies are Sierra and Erik. At the START of this round, I didn't trust him because of that but it's slowly becoming more of a benefit after the way this week is going (more on that later). I just worry he'll be someone that everyone on my tribe wants out, because right now I'd like him to stay. Hmmmmmmm...

: Kelley remains in exactly the same position she's been in this entire game. The girl logs in when challenges is on, is completely pleasant and chill and then promptly logs out. I don't know if she just doesn't want to think about things until she actually loses (that strategy works for like 2-3 weeks top and then becomes dumb) or if she's been talking to people in invisible mode or when I'm not around but it just seems dumb to me. I don't know what she'd do if we lost. Everyone's assuming she's with Rob, but like...based on what?

: UGH Rob. I get that Rob like posts funny things on the board and everything and I'm sure has hilarious confessionals. He's always got a funny quip lined up and I appreciate that but like....why don't you talk to anyone? Why? WTF? I know you haven't lost a challenge yet but like you don't even have to talk game, just be a normal person. I gave him exactly 3 chances, started 3 convos with him and HE let them die and has not ONCE started a conversation with me. NOT ONCE. So I'm over it. It's not cute to just be a nothing. I'm sure he's thinking that if he just stays low come the merge he'll be safe because nobody gives a shit about him but like....he's who I want out first at the merge. Over Caryn, Over Erik, Over anyone. Hell, if we lose I'd like him to go. He's too much of a wildcard and is willfully unsocial. Please go away now. Forever.

: What a conundrum Rory is. I don't even know what to think of him. On one hand, he's not TERRIBLE to talk to but not exactly great to talk to either. I know that Monica trusts him implicitly without even really liking him and apparently he's told her that I'm cool. We we got assigned our new tribes he immediately was like "YES WE ARE FINALLY TOGETHER" and I was like "Ummmmmm, we haven't talked in like a week? lol" (no I didn't actually say that). Still, I think he wants to work with me and Yve on this tribe based on the way he's spoken to us and to Monica. Right now my plan is to just let Rory take the reigns in case of any vote and dictate who goes home. He likes having that power, it would make him trust me more, and I honestly don't care as long as Yve stays. I'm hoping it's not Garrett who goes but if like he gets Rob/Kelley on board to vote for Garrett I'll have no choice. But I trust him to an extent, and I have a litmus test in Monica to keep him 100.

: Ok, somehow over the course of these past few rounds Yve has become probably my #1 ally? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL After the shit I've said about her LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL To her credit, the crazy emotional shit that she was pulling during the Fairplay round has almost completely subsided and been replaced with stilted Yve who doesn't talk much and is isolated by Monica (UGH MONICA), leading her into the arms of Austin/Katie more and more. I mean, it's popped in a little here and there but for the most part has remained fairly UTR. The reason I think she might just be my best bet for a long term alliance is because I really do think she's super loyal. As long as I remain upfront with her, extend basic courtesy to her, and keep her updated she's with me. ESPECIALLY after the events of this week (again, we'll get there) I think she's someone I've GOT to stay with. Plus, if we do go far she's much better to take to the end over Monica or Katie.

Alright, so that challenge. It was like some African Chess or something, not exactly my forte. I basically sat back and decided that I'd let the Egomaniacs and Attention Whores that are Rob and Rory take the lead. This is the one area in which CrazYve came back, as she was super paranoid that they were trying to throw the challenge because they kept ignoring her moves but like....she posted them super slow and they only had five minutes to make changes on Photoshop. So...calm down, Yve. At the end of the day we won, so yay. The fact that I have absolutely no idea what would happen if my tribe lost made this a giant relief. And at the end, I tried helping A LITTLE (eh, not really).

The real drama exploded the day after we won when I was informed by Monica of how the vote was going. Originally, after the vote she told me the target was probably gonna be Sue. She also told me that her/Caryn/Sue had some weird psycho bitch alliance and that Caryn has the idol. Her plan was to try and get Caryn to give Sue the idol (which I immediately knew was super unlikely) and have Sue single handedly vote out Sierra (apparently they are archenemies or something). The NEXT DAY I learn that Katie was going to be the target from, of all people, YVE! She tells me how worried she is about Monica and Stephen voting out Katie and that Stephen mentioned something about wanting Katie gone. Stephen and Katie have no relationship really, so I wasn't shocked. Immeditely, I knew Monica would go with Stephen, Caryn, and Sue in voting out Katie. She distrusts both Erik and Sierra after the Kim/Vytas votes and has expressed basically no interest in keeping a relationship with Katie going.

And I was FUCKING PISSED. I love Katie more than literally anyone in this game. She loves Sierra more than me I think, but I just can't get enough of talking with Katie. She's easily the nicest person to talk to, has the best conversations, and we have a lot in common. So I'm just beyond over it at this point. I go to Monica to confirm that she's probably voting for Katie and yup, like clockwork she says she's voting for Katie. Like, WTF. I try the bare minimum of mentioning that Katie said she is still loyal to Marehemu (which we did indeed talk about) but Monica wants to let Stephen dictate the vote on this one, and is afraid of going against Caryn and Sue of all people. The two outcasts with no alliances. After a super awkward convo in which I basically was like "fuck this situation Monica" and I probably weirded her out by how upset I was that Katie was going I just had to leave. I know this probably wasn't good, spooking Monica like that, but like fuck her.

After thinking about it some more, I think Katie leaving is both good and bad for my game and Monica's game. Which ARE two distinct things in two distinct places right now. Katie leaving lessens the target on my back because I feel like it was well known that her and I were close. It also gives me a chance to distance myself from Monica without seeing fake or bullshitting people, while still maintaining a close bond for her. It will throw Sierra and Erik straight into my arms and out of Katie's. And it makes Yve much, much, much closer to me despite her craziness. The bad thing is I lose my friend in this game, who I honestly did trust even while knowing she probably was more with Sierra than me. It's also bad because I just lose a number in this game who could have helped work against Monica if need be, because she WAS super sketched out about Monica. Which brings me to why it was good for Monica. It was good for Monica because it weakens Sierra/Erik, her current targets. It was also good because it lowers the number of original Marehemu people.

However, I really think it was overall a bad move for Monica and here's why:

1. If she had just voted out Sue, everyone but Caryn would still feel fairly safe with her. By voting out Katie, she throws Sierra, Erik, Yve, and even potentially myself into trusting her less. And by proximity, she sketches out the others in the game who now see that foursome as an alliance of sorts.
2. She's letting Stephen get what he wants. Stephen has a closer relationship (even if it's kind of a toxic one) to her enemies Sierra and Erik than she does, and thus more maneuverability. As I've been warning, he's a major player in this game, even though he's totes awkward and a gamebot.
3. You voted out someone who trusted you. This would have been the case with anyone she voted out at this tribal I think, but I'd put Katie above Sierra on this scale.
4. The anger over this vote will be directed primarily at her. Not at Stephen, Sue, or Caryn, all of whom have no real relationship with Katie. But at her.

I don't think Monica is dead in the water by any means and can obviously get out of this situation still, but I'm less inclined to help her to be honest and I'm open to alternative options for sure. Overall, I'm unsure of what this means for my game as a whole, Katie going, but it's certainly done something to wake me up and push me back into the swing of things. I honestly can see myself going many different directions from here, positive and negative. I could easily be voted out next, but just as easily make it to the merge and quietly sneak my way deep into the game.