I feel like he's put himself in a fucking terrible place in the game by 1) aligning with me and 2) making it public in blindsiding Kim. granted, we were in a great place for a while after it all went off without a hitch, but we really put a spanner in the works last vote with the Vytas split (which I am pretty sure was mostly a result of my ~genius~ idea). despite the fact that our shitty position in the game now is pretty much entirely my fault, he's still here with me hashing out every possible strategy we can look at pursuing. he's doing amazingly well for a first timer. we've been talking every day since the game started and our conversations just flow so naturally regardless of what we're talking about. he's definitely my best friend here and I trust him 100%. if I'm going to go to the end, I want to go there with Erik. if there's any foreseeable way for us to make it together, I'll take it, even if there are easier paths without him. it's the least he deserves, and there's no one else here I want to play the game out with more.


I think I've said enough about him to last a lifetime lately but now that I'm a little more chilled I'll try and be more reasonable & coherent about it all.

let's start this with a little about me: I'm still a fucking noob as far as ORGs are concerned. this is my second game ever and I'm playing my third concurrently (this one is at least 100,000x times better though, just saying :*). I think my newbie status is pretty evident in my emotional gameplay and my lacklustre/inconsistent strategic work. I won't go into detail, but I have a lot of sour feelings towards Stephen that are both ORG and non-ORG related. because I'm still an emotional player, I can't separate these feelings from the fabric of this game.

I have known since I figured out who he is that I would never be able to trust him in this game, but he was in a very bad place whereas I was in a super solid place, so I decided to throw him a rope because I'm an idiot who always looks for the best in people. this is one of my many shortcomings (and it's especially brutal in an environment like this); I'm not a perfect human by any means. Stephen's shortcomings, however, are a lot more sinister. he lies furiously and unnecessarily, continuing even when he has been caught (and claims it's a defense mechanism), is a complete and utter hypocrite, goes on sick power trips (and cannot handle it at all when he doesn't have control), speaks to & about people (especially girls/girl characters) like they are his subordinates, and is a total creep by several accounts (including my own), among other things.

as far as the first three things go, they're part of his extreme gamebot nature - we have completely opposing playstyles when it comes to ORGs. he plays to win, no matter the cost, whereas I am unwilling to compromise on a lot of things for the sake of getting myself further in an online game. this is a difference in personality that I absolutely respect, but I'm grossed out by just how much he lies, the joy he takes in deceiving and hurting people, and the fact that he seems to choose paths in games that are far more sneaky, backstabby and all around unpleasant than they really need to be. he claims that he plays this way because he was brutally backstabbed in his first game and it "jaded him". this is absolutely no excuse, as far as I'm concerned. the funny thing is that he's played a lot of ORGs and has never won with this playstyle, and yet he never seems to learn. funny that.

the latter two things are, even with his gamebot bullshit pushed aside, what really have me convinced that Stephen is the pure opposite of a stand-up guy. having seen how he's spoken about people both in confessionals and directly to me in the past (for example, making creepy and super aggressive comments/threats of violence over the most minor slights, on top of a lot of misogynistic slurs) and how he behaves when speaking to certain people in AND out of game (myself included), I'm inclined to think that being a liar/hypocrite/creep/whatever else is part of who Stephen really is, beyond all this online game nonsense. I'm not here for that, not in real life, and not in the context of an ORG. IT SEEMS SILLY, I KNOW - surely who people REALLY are shouldn't matter, because it's a game, right? I mean, sure, but I have a lot of trouble with reconciling that concept right now. maybe with experience it will become easier. in any case, talking to him makes me feel sick a lot of the time regardless of the context or the topic of conversation and having to witness him say things like "I voted Katie out so you'd be more dependent on me", "we NEED each other" and "I didn't go against you. I could have voted you out if I wanted to" just makes me shudder with pure discomfort. I just have a (lot of) really bad feeling(s) about him. unfortunately, though, I have to cope with it and push it all down in order to continue in this game, so that's what I'll do for now. I just hate that sometimes when I get home from uni or whatever and log on to play the game I really feel like the whole experience is kinda tainted by the fact that he's a part of it lmao. I wish he wasn't so obvious so I didn't know who he was but ugh, c'est la vie.


she's still on the memory wall as I write this so

while I'm pretty personable and get along with the vast majority of people I meet, I don't get ~attached~ to many people at all, so when I first joined ~the ORG community~ I expected my general indifference towards humans to be amplified because a) it's the internet and b) it's not even just casually meeting people on the internet, it's role playing for the sake of a game. I was half-right and half-dead wrong about this. people I've met in ORGs so far seem to fall into three broad categories: people I dislike or am overall indifferent towards (the majority), people I ~like~ but wouldn't mind not talking to anymore post-game, and people I OMGTOTALLYLOVE. obviously what I'm getting at here is that Katie falls into the latter category. you know how you sometimes meet people you just have an instant connection with? that's what it was like for me with Katie. I could go on and on about how much fun she is and how cool it was to get to play the game with someone who I ~enjoy~ and ~adore~ so much but I'll spare y'all. all I know is that I am definitely gonna keep in contact with her even though she's gone from this game.


ahhhh.. the mangy (and thoroughly unloved) cat with 9 lives. unfortunately, escaping being booted by a whisker on a consistent basis recently seems to have given her a bit of a superiority complex, as evidenced by her unsolicited rude comments towards Erik and I. she seems to be completely unaware that the fact that she got dragged into a power move last round as a number doesn't erase her ~social pariah~ status. she was left out of the last like, three or four votes because she didn't talk to anyone and went on a bizarre and unfounded tear against me ALL BY HERSELF. she was always completely in the dark about the actual targets of every vote and even now Stephen and Monica are ~still~ talking trash about how she's only good to keep as a target to deflect votes onto. sadly, Sue has convinced herself that she is now Queen of the Game and is swanning around blathering about her ~powerful alliance~ with Caryn, Monica and Stephen, which is a stupid thing to do regardless of whether or not said alliance really exists. basically, she makes me cringe. I know that if we don't succeed in getting rid of her soon, she'll just keep floating on bleating bullshit at everyone like a real goat would. what a GROSS person. what a DISAPPOINTMENT.


I don't even know what to say about Monica. reading her posts sustains me (GIF placements ON POINT), and she's equally entertaining in one-on-one conversations. sadly I suspect that because it's her first time playing she's very susceptible to being suckered into taking part in ~big moves~ that might not really be any good for *her* game. the fact that she just wants to play "bold" (her words) makes her a complete and utter wildcard and having someone like that around is just asking for trouble for all involved.

she's in a pretty comfortable place right now since people need her as a number and I'm sure everyone finds her fun, but I don't expect that to last long (unless Stephen drags her along as a "goat". I think he'll be in for some unpleasant surprises if he does). I'm not mad at her at all about the Katie boot because like I said, she's new and is still trying to get a feel on how to play the game. it's whatever.


I'm confused about Caryn. I really like her and I always got the vibe that she liked me as well (she'd often randomly approach me for conversation and she did try to give me a mask over the rest of my original tribe), but I guess she felt it was best strategically for her to participate in a power shift. unfortunately she has no idea what Stephen is like and she just shifted the power into the hands of an evil genius who will cut her faster than she can post a :shield:. what a shame for her. what a shame for me.


still my boo <3 Garrett doesn't take the game too seriously and our conversations (feat. Erik) are usually about totally random stuff or just him pouring scalding truth tea all over the shitty people in this game. I 100% trust him as well and I hope we can make merge together.


Austin was the first person I ran crying to after I found out about the Katie boot and we had the most miserable AIM tantrum party ever :( I really enjoy talking to him and everything that's happened over the last 24 hours and the conversations we've had about it all has solidified my trust in him for sure. as a result of Katie's boot we're kinda forced to have the same enemies and the same friends. if we can keep going in this game until we're on the same tribe, I think we'll be a powerful force together.


man I feel so strange about Rory. on one hand he seems totally genuine and straightforward but on the other I feel like he's the shadiest motherfucker in the whole game. he always has an excuse for not telling me things and always maintains that he has my best interests at heart but I just don't trust him. after he forced a tie on Vytas and somehow knew exactly what was going to happen last round I'm fairly sure he's in with the people I'm against and I'm going to be even more guarded with him now than I ever have been before (which is saying something because I've avoided telling him a lot as it is).


I think Yve is probably one of the most genuine people I've ever come across in an ORG and it rly warms my heart. she's upset about the Katie boot too which has caused her to pull away from Stephen. this is great because genuine players allying with Stephen always ends in carnage when he decides to go full Russell Hantz mode, and Yve deserves better. she's expressed an interest in working with me and my allies and I have complete faith in her. I hope we get a chance to play the game properly together.


pretty much no opinion on either of these two, although Erik says he still gets a good vibe from Kelley and thinks she might be another number we'll have at the merge given we make it.