ughhhh I was literally out for the first two and a half hours of the challenge and by the time I got back I was so out of the loop that I couldn't even contribute. RIP. I was originally pretty salty that I didn't win the Extra Helping challenge (I KNEW Caryn would beat me. KNEW IT), but then I realized that if I had, Caryn would have been on this tribe instead of me, and because Caryn never loses they would have won the challenge, putting me on the other tribe (which would be a pretty horrible place for me). I know that's a lot of hypothetical bullshit but it makes me feel better about losing by like 20 seconds okkkkkkk

anyway as it stands now Sue will hopefully be going this TC. she's rly ramped up her crusade against me and apparently spent a good while today bitching to Monica how much she HATES me and how she doesn't care what happens as long as I go home. like, what? who is this bitch? she started this by throwing me under the bus to kim for no reason? I mean, I certainly didn't care for her after that, but I didn't actively DISLIKE her. she's rly testing me now though........ how sour can you be???

I spoke to Caryn after the challenge a little tonight and I think I can count on her vote for at least this round. I mean, she did give me a mask in the hope I'd get the idol and she's explicitly said she prefers me to the other original Sangomas (including Sue). she claims to believe that her and I are the biggest targets in the game right now, so it would be best for us to look out for each other. I feel that. I can work with that... until I can't anymore, of course.

as far as this tribe goes, I want Katie, Erik and I to run the ship until we hit the merge. this should be easy considering my ongoing control over Stephen (he can claim otherwise all he likes but let's be real) and the relationship I've built with Monica. my problem is figuring out which of those two to cut first and when it needs to be done. I know Stephen is a dangerous player and I have to be able to recognize when he has exhausted his use or when he decides that he can continue without me, whichever comes first (and I think one or the other will happen pretty damn soon). on the other hand, Monica is a loose cannon who is still learning the ropes of the game (gotta admit I fucking love her though, what a legend), and I have no doubt that if someone makes her a ~better offer~, she'll jump ship in two seconds flat. ugh. I mean, with any luck we won't have to go to any more tribal councils before the merge because of Carynangel, but I need to plan ahead JUST IN CASE.

I would have made a confessional like 18 hours ago but I WAS REPEATING THE EXTRA HELPINGS PUZZLE 300 TIMES INSTEAD. SMH. More later, anyway. pce!

EVERYONE IS ACTING WEIRD. ENGAGE PANIC MODE
on a more happy note our tribe colour reminds me of the sherbet soft serve icecream cones I used to love as a kid #bless

Sue Hawk
I genuinely like you as a person. but after the swap I got a lot of messages saying
Sierra keeps calling you an outsider, Sierra keeps saying this, Sierra wants you out.

um did you though??? DID YOU THOUGH????

lol i h8 her now what a dog

i have a rly bad feeling about this tribal but it's too late for me to do anything now. also SOMEONE keeps NEG REPPING ME............. RUDE

NEG REPPING IS THE WORST :angry:

LITERALLY YELLED "WHAT THE FUCK" AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN
I WILL MURDER WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING MY ISLAND PRINCESS AWAY FROM ME

jokes it wasn't erik

guys I *KNOW* I shouldn't let my feelings towards stephen from outside this particular game influence me here but right now I can't help it. I just hate him SO MUCH. like I fucking DESPISE him. as much as people might deny it, part of who we are as human beings leak into our aliases and the way we play these games. I've seen enough of stephen inside and outside games over the last few months to figure out that he's a fucking awful person and now that he's gone and pulled this bullshit (I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING) I'm at his mercy and I HAVE to work with him to continue in this game. how do I stomach having to talk to someone I can't stand every single day for the sole purpose of making it further in a god damn ORG? I honestly don't know if I can do it

.. but really, I have to do it. as far as people I actually care about, austin is predictably FUMING about katie's boot, yve is super pissed as well (she apparently spent like an hour trying to talk stephen out of it), and I still have erik and garrett, so I need to keep playing smart - not just for myself, but for them, too. I don't want their games being ruined because I can't stay chill, and none of them have ever given me a real reason not to trust them. they deserve better than to lose to people like sue and stephen. I need to start working on rory more and keep talking to monica (as irritated as I am with her), because closing down connections by blocking them up with piles of pure salt is a terrible idea in the context of the game, and I need to keep my options open.

in the meantime, I will have to stick with stephen's lying, gross, smarmy, subordinating, creepy ass until I have a majority without him (again... god I should have acted sooner. damn it, past Sierra). seriously, some of the shit he said to me today just drove me insane (take "we still need each other" and "it wasn't against you, if I had wanted to go against you you would be gone right now", for example. I mean, seriously? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INJECTING ME WITH SLOW-ACTING POISON AND SHOOTING ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD? I DIE EITHER WAY, DON'T I?) ughhhhhh. I'll try to complain about it as little as possible though, promise :p

I am legit heartbroken right now though. I am dreading when katie wakes up and idk I really like other people in this game (the four listed above), but katie was ~special~ and idk it's just sad af

omg do you know what really got me riled up BEFORE I even blew up at stephen? straight after I posted in the results thread this popped up on AIM:

Sue Hawk
see? no need to worry about leaving.

FUCKING SMUG BITCH I WILL END YOU

Sierra Reed @ 13/3/2015 22:47

guys I *KNOW* I shouldn't let my feelings towards stephen from outside this particular game influence me here but right now I can't help it. I just hate him SO MUCH. like I fucking DESPISE him. as much as people might deny it, part of who we are as human beings leak into our aliases and the way we play these games. I've seen enough of stephen inside and outside games over the last few months to figure out that he's a fucking awful person and now that he's gone and pulled this bullshit (I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING) I'm at his mercy and I HAVE to work with him to continue in this game. how do I stomach having to talk to someone I can't stand every single day for the sole purpose of making it further in a god damn ORG? I honestly don't know if I can do it

legendary .

I love you steve! :)