hi y'all. since we won another immunity challenge, and my tribe is staying static, I think I would take this opportunity to be creative and educate y'all once a week on an important Monica in history. Because when I get into Thirdpersonica, you guys might think, "Oh that's just for jokes, haha, so funny~~!"
Well, it's NOT funny! When Monica invokes the name Monica, she is invoking the name that reflects a deep, rich history, a history of Monica's. When I say my name, MONICA, I feel the power of all my previous women warriors that have shared this mighty name. It's not just a name, it's power. I want you to understand that power. So I will, once a week or something, post and educate you on an important historic Monica. I will have some homework class discussion questions in order to engage you to think critically about MONICA.
So without further introduction, let's start with lesson one, class of 2015! The first historic Monica that I want to educate you about is....
MONICA LEWINSKY
Ch. 1: WHO IS MONICA LEWINSKY?
This MONICA is famous for having President William Jefferson Clinton take advantage of her daddy issues, light flirtation, and his position of power. They engaged in a sexual relationship that was kinda kinky and fun. The entire saga can be found here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/timeline.htm. Or
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/icreport/6narritiii.htm. Some highlights:
"During the government shutdown, Clinton visits the chief of staff's office for a birthday party. Lewinsky lifts her jacket and shows him the straps of her thong underwear. Then he invites Lewinsky to his private study, where they kiss. Later that evening, they have a more intimate sexual encounter during which he takes a call from a member of Congress."
"At one point, the President inserted a cigar into Ms. Lewinsky's vagina, then put the cigar in his mouth and said: "It tastes good."
Alright that lead me to find this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_impact_of_thong_underwear. Amazing.
Class question one: Would you engage in sexual relations with your boss, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, if he hit on you?
Class question two: What is your personal relationship with thongs?
Class question three: Isn't that hilarious that Bill received a BJ while on the phone with CONGRESS or is that hella gross? Have you been on the phone while masturbating or perhaps taking a shit or something else that the person on the phone has no idea about?
Ok and then Monica was betrayed by everyone she ever trusted. Her friend Linda Tripp recorded their convo's! Why! If one of my besties that was 20 years younger than me was having an AFFAIR WITH THE PRESIDENT, I'd fucking encourage her for my own amusement. Would I tell people?
Class question FOUR: What would you do if your lunch buddy gal pal hang out friend told you she was having an affair with the Pres?
And then Bill was a perfect example of MALE SCUM by lying about it. But then was like "we didn't sex, we just did oral lol!" which made everyone be like, "WHAT IS TRULY SEX? Does it have to be penetrative?"
Class question five: Do you consider oral sex to be sex?
Alright so it was kind of made clear from the tapes of Tripp that Monica legit was falling for Clinton. Which I can imagine would be easy to do. I mean if I was having sex with the PRESIDENT, I'd be so in love with that. She was an intern! She was so young! That's so hot! So Monica like went along with the lie until they were like YO WE'LL ARREST YOU. She was taken into custody and stuff. So Monica was like, "Alright, lol we totally had sex." While Bill was like, "Fuck no!"
What proved the relationship? THE FACT THAT MONICA NEVER CLEANED THIS BLUE DRESS OF HERS THAT HAD PRESIDENT CLINTON'S CUM ON IT. She kept a fucking semen stain!
Ch. 2: STAINED BLUE DRESS
"The Stained Blue Dress that Almost Lost a Presidency"
http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/clinton/lewinskydress.html
"In November 1997, Monica Lewinsky told her confidant and supposed friend, Linda Tripp, that she had in her possession a blue Gap dress that still bore the semen stain that resulted from her administering oral sex to President Clinton in February of that year.
In late November, Lewinsky mentioned to Tripp that she intended to have the dress, which she had been saving a souvenir, dry-cleaned for a family event. Tripp, anxious to preserve the dress to nail the President, discouraged her from doing so. "I would tell my own daughter," Tripp told her, that she should save the dress "for your own ultimate protection" should she later be accused of lying about the affair with Clinton. When Lewinsky expressed skepticism that it would ever come to that, Tripp told her that the dress made her look "really fat" and she shouldn't wear it again in public.
In late July, 1998, Lewinsky turned the dress over to Kenneth Starr's investigators after signing an immunity agreement. A blood sample was taken from Clinton on August 3, and on August 17, the FBI reported its conclusion that Clinton was the source of the semen on the dress "to a reasonable degree of scientific certainty."
Ok a few things....
1. The dress is ... kinda ugly. Sorry, Mon! <3
2. Even still, how fucked up is it of Linda Tripp (who was pretty hefty) to be so manipulative as to be like, "IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT DON'T EVER WEAR IT AGAIN" - what a shitty friend.
3. Also Tripp using the reasoning, "I would tell my own daughter" hahahah. I love imaging the scene in which a mother sits her daughter down and is like, "I just want you to know that I SUCKED THE PRESIDENT'S DICK."
3. Speaking of fucked up... it's fucking hilarious and weird that Monica was planning on keeping the dress as a souvenir. But then ... by November (9 months later) she's like, "umm... maybe I shouldn't keep around a semen stain."
Class question six: If you had an AFFAIR with the President, would you keep a souvenir like this?
Class question 7: Would you tell your children about your affair?
Okay so anyway, the semen stain was literally what proved that Bill lied about the affair. Which weirds me out... that semen just doesn't die. I have a weird story about seeing my own semen in a microscope for an art project if anyone is interested.
But anyway, the semen proved that Bill lied about the affair while under oath, which is illegal. So the crazy ass Republicans were like, "HE BROKE THE LAW. LET'S GET HIM OUT OF THE PRESIDENCY." and then it turned into this whole thing where the House totes was like, "Let's impeach!" But the senate was like, "Lol shut up." It was THE scandal of the late 90s.
Bill's public image quickly recovered. I think he left office with the highest approval rating of any leaving President. And everyone loves him now cuz he's a lil' scamp. And now he might be the First Man or whatever if Hilldawg takes the seat. I think he owes it to Hillary to get her an intern to go down on her.
Our dear MONICA however is a punchline. Even today! Beloved goddess Beyoncé referenced her in the amazing song, Partition: "Oh he so horny, yeah he want to fuck," sings Beyoncé. "He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse/He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown."
But yeah her life was ruined. She almost killed herself and stuff. This 2002 HBO documentary is pretty revealing, in which she just speaks to an audience in NYC about what happened:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJoOhq4M1TY .
Most notably to us, I think her last public appearance from this era was when she hosted a reality competition called MR. PERSONALITY.
The gimmick was that it was the Bachelorette ... except all the men wore creepy as fuck masks. So the woman would decide on PERSONALITY, not looks. Very amazing and bizarre. our Monica hosted it like a PRO. Here is a clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkabRqtDjMw.
Now she's rebranded herself as an anti-cyberbullying icon. Check out this speech she did four months ago:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy7icJSTjL8 . It legit made me tear up tbh. But I was kinda drunk and going through a break-up.
Ch. 3: DOES THIS MONICA DO THE NAME 'MONICA' JUSTICE?
FUCK YES. Ok watch this video please:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy7icJSTjL8 . Just watch the first minute. What does she say? "My name is Monica Lewinsky. Though I have often been advised to change it or asked why on earth I haven't. But, there we are, I haven't. I am still Monica Lewinsky." Okay first off we can not deny that she stands by her name MONICA till the death. Sign of a true Monica.
Also in that video, I think she comes off very endearing. She's so nervous! And emotional! And you realize, she really did get taken advantage of, really did have her life robbed for her while Bill remains rich and powerful. She was just some girl. I feel so bad for her. A man has overshadowed her entire life. Sounds like the story of MONICA CULPEPPER as well. Second sign of a true Monica.
Plus there was this: In a new interview with Vanity Fair entitled "Shame and Survival," Lewinsky corrects the singer on what she says is the proper verb to refer to the act of ejaculating on your partner. "Thanks, Beyoncé," said Lewinsky. "But if we’re verbing, I think you meant 'Bill Clinton’d all on my gown,' not ‘Monica Lewinsky’d.'" This is hella hilarious, accurate, and badass of her. I love that. I love her. So I guess that leaves us with this final question...
Class question nine: Do you love MONICA Lewinsky?
Class dismissed. Whomever actually answers all my questions will win a MONICA immunity idol from me.
Sausage Island 9: The Serengeti
> Confessionals > Monica's Confessional > PROMINENT MONICA'S OF HISTORY
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