hey glams.! I don't know 'bout you guys but I have seen my fair share of insanely long, indept essays about how (un)glam your games are so I made a beautiful fairytale for you guys, just to cool down a little. ^_^

Once upon a time in a land far from here there was a king called Austin the Toneless. Austin was a great, strategic warrior on the battlefield. He fought out many wars with his neighbors, and was notorious for his strategic awareness and winning battle after battle, he was an unstoppable machine. Being such a feared field commander, Austin didn't want people to find out who he truly was, that even him, the great Austin the Toneless, had a humanic side, that he had actual feelings. How could the people of his country ever taking him serious if they knew he also watches cute cat videos, listens to Iggy Azalea's flop music and worships the bodies of mangods John Cody & Eddie Fox? Never, ever could they find out! So he called his servants and ordered them to start constructing an enormous castle wall, where no one could peak through (not even stalker of the year sierra reed), so that no one would ever find out who the true Austin the Toneless was and Austin could watch his cat videos and listen his Iggy Azalea flop music in peace.

One of Austin's countless mistresses, Monica, who no one would ever find out about, also resided at the palace. Even though she had trouble sharing her little piece of beauty with the other mistresses, she kept her true love for him to herself. She became more known among the people of the castle for floating around in the castle's beautiful thermal baths on an air mattress or cussing out one of her other mistresses as they were getting ready for the Crazy Ritual Slaughter Bingo Night on Friday Eve. The Crazy Ritual Slaughter Bingo Night was a favorite of Austin the Notorious. Each week he would sacrifice one of his beautiful mistresses to the Cancer and Libra gods to satisfy them. This festive event included all the food and booze the mistresses' desired, extravagant, dragqueen dancers and at the end of the evening even a heartbreaking, yet totally non-commitable but still very touching speech by Austin the Notorious himself to the soon-to-be-killed mistress, so the mistress could sing out her song at peace with the world.

Weeks, months, years went by and nothing changed. The parties kept on getting more glam, the mistresses kept on getting more beautiful and Austin & Monica grew closer and closer until one day, there was only one more mistress left and only one more Crazy Ritual Slaughter Bingo Night to celebrate. Realizing this, Austin began to figure out he truly felt something for Monica, he had developed actual feelings over the course of her stay in the castle. But how could Austin commit to a serious relationship and rule his immense empire at the same time? Austin couldn't figure out what he had to do with this dilemma and he ultimately decided, out of pure despair, to end his life, after which he was soon sent to heaven. During his stay in heaven he comfort himself with the image of his Monica in the stars, which strangely looked like a Libra starsign, while Monica rose to power as the true kween of Austin's palace as her carefully constructed masterplan finally concluded, ruling over the land that once was Austin's, where she went on to live happily ever after.

Ok that's finished now I have some glamorous questions for you guys:
We are firstly gonna play a fun game of MARRY(that includes making babies)/FUCK/KILL! Choose one juror you would like to marry, one juror you would like to fuck and one juror you would like to kill. Be honest and don't give me some "I don't want to kill anyone, I love y'all so dearly <33333333333" bullshit. BE. RUTHLESS.
Secondly since I am such a huge geography geek and all, I want you both to compare each juror to a certain country it resembles best. Be creative, should be funfun!!

And finally I would like to congratualate the two of you once again with the game you played, you have nothing to be ashamed off.
stay glam

We are firstly gonna play a fun game of MARRY(that includes making babies)/FUCK/KILL! Choose one juror you would like to marry, one juror you would like to fuck and one juror you would like to kill. Be honest and don't give me some "I don't want to kill anyone, I love y'all so dearly <33333333333" bullshit. BE. RUTHLESS.

This would be your question. ;)

MARRY: I'm going to avoid the obvious answer and say Erik. Our few brief conversations (did we ever have one longer than like...fifteen minutes? lol) were very charming and cute. Plus, Erik Huffman is easily one of the hottest Survivors of all time. So that imagery certainly helps. Runner-Up: Yve.

FUCK: This one has to be Sue. Of all the people on the jury, she's the one to me who I'd feel be the most fun to sleep with. She's kooky, fun-loving, and I bet would give me a wild night. Plus, I feel like the shortness pretty much defines our relationship in this game--which was about as long as a hook-up. But with her, I think I'd have a wild time. Runner-Up: Garrett.

KILL: Bye Rory. My feelings on you are pretty well documented at this point, but we are just two different people and I always felt very uncomfortable with you in this game. But thanks for helping me get immunity that one time...but I'd still kill ya. Plus, I'd never have to hear "YAW" again in my life. Runner-Up: Caryn.

Secondly since I am such a huge geography geek and all, I want you both to compare each juror to a certain country it resembles best. Be creative, should be funfun!!

Holy shit am I going to be off on these...so, sorry! My geography knowledge is beyond sub par (#IgnorantAmerican), but imma try.

is : For whatever reason, you scream Italy for me. Italy always reads to me as very sexually free and open, very in touch with sensuality and the physical side of nature. Plus, plenty of "glam" fashion, culture, etc. But there's also a bit of ego attached with the stereotype of Italians, which I think even you'd admit you have.

is : I chose Switzerland for Yve for a variety of reasons. There's a stereotype involving the Swiss about them being cowards who don't take sides--but I take it more as a fairness and neutrality that places them in the good graces of everyone. Also, after doing more research, Switzerland is top of the pack as far as humanitarian endeavors go, and that screams Yve to me.

is : Alright, stick with me on this one. I think Sierra embodies the American ideals of truth, justice, and the American way despite being one of two non-North American jurors. She goes out of her way to place herself in the affairs of others, taking up battles that aren't always her and doing so in the name of what's "right". But at the same time, she can be a little too enthusiastic and meddlesome in others affairs, to the detriment of herself, which is very much analogous to some US policies. But she generally means well.

is : Caryn embodies China for me. She was a powerhouse in the physical challenges of this game, in a similar way to China's growing economic dominance over the world. And on top of that, she very much had an insular game that was doing things her own way, which parallel's China's determination to maintain their own governmental policies. She was very controlled in this game.

is : I picked Iceland for Kelley because for whatever reason Iceland screams mystery to me. It's an island sort of off on it's own away from the rest of it's continent. It's a country I know exists but isn't one with a whole lot of immediate imagery attached to it.

is : I probably feel best about this one. Canada is the much, much more fun older cousin to the USA. There aren't as many ridiculous crazy people, they have infinitely better health care, and they are like one hundred times nicer than us. And Sue always seemed to be having more fun than the rest of us. So she screams fun Canadian to me.

is : I picked Israel for Erik. There's an air of general decency around him that screams Israel to me, and an intelligence to back it up. I don't know, it just fit for me. *shrug*

is : Cuba seemed to fit for Rory to me. It's a country with a lot of personality, presence, and interesting history attached to it. It's a country that is defiantly it's own entity amongst some dissimilar neighbors. It's also known for a few dramatic historical incidents, and Rory gave us plenty of those in this game.

is : Stephen was probably the hardest to place, but I'm picking India for him. It's a major world power that probably doesn't get enough credit, and is very distinct from other world powers. It's different, but still has serious political weight. I don't know, he was tough.

Alright, I tried with that lmao. Good luck with your decision Garrett.

I never knew you hated me so much, Austin! :)

Thank you for the glamorous fairy tale.

MARRY: -- I think she would be good for cocktail parties, lively dinners, and raising smart children.
FUCK: -- it always seems to be on your mind so I'd like to see if it lives up to the hype. plus I think it would probably be at that castle island communal tent rave place you once told me about.
KILL: -- because she won't let our jury thread die while the others have, while I am still not sure what I did to her. so I feel like right now we are in the fight to the death.

that seems like the perfect place to make love baby, lets do it!!

-- :puertorico: because he reminds me of an island, and some of the RPDR queens from PR. it's like exotic and tropical but still down to earth.
-- :iceland: because she was on her own beautiful island the entire game and everyone looked at her with awe and grace and wonder.
-- :greatbritishempire: because I think she is a populist queen that took over all the other countries to do her bidding until da revolutions.
-- :france: because I am not sure if she smokes or not but she seems to exemplify the french intelligentsia of cackling over a coffee with a cigarette.
-- :canada: because she seems to be living up to the 'nice and inoffensive' stereotype of her native land.
-- :australia: because her cavalier and lighthearted attitude reminds me of the Aussie laid-backness. I can see her throwing shrimps on the barbie.
-- :usa: because he is a wholesome, all american good boy.
-- :northkorea: Because he reminds me of an OTT but ultimately ineffective aggressor in the best/worst ways possible.
-- :austria: -- because he's like kind of boring, kind of interesting.

puerto rico is not a country you just lost my jury vote bye

byeeeeeee

Do you want the Bahamas instead?

too late!! besides bahamas is an even bigger hole

omfg ok. what bout Haiti?

Vanuatu?

Palau?

Nauru?

God Monica, it's right in front of you:

Aruba is one of the constituent countries of the Kingdom of the Netherlands. It's exotic and tropical, but it has a unique climate and ecosystem compared to the rest of the Caribbean. Like, it all fits.

Thank you, Caryn!

My final answer is Aruba, Garrett.

That's such bullshit how Puerto Rico is not a country yet does not get to vote in the US congress, etc.

I PROMISE IF U VOTE FOR ME TO WIN, I will make it my mission to get PR some senators and house reps.