WELCOME TO THE CARYN-GETI Y'ALL



I have some major gripes with both of you, so you're both going to have to suffer through a rant. Deal with it. I have one task at the end, which is the only response I need from either of you, and truth be told, I probably won't need it at all.


To Both of You: Kindly shut the fuck up about astrology. Please. You both sound so dumb when you talk about how you have "a perfect example of a Cancer/Libra friendship" and it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. As a robot, it is sincerely painful to listen to both of you espouse that kind of nonsense. Stop.


Austin: I described your game in the jury house as a "38-day game". I think you did a great job ensuring you'd be sitting here at the end, but you are just atrocious at dealing with anything approaching the human aspect of the game. For somebody who was called a robot all game, I don't think I've every seen somebody act as dull, emotionless, and unsympathetic as you acted towards every single juror from Erik onwards. Erik, Kelley, Sue, Myself, Sierra, Yve, and Garrett ALL have the honored distinction of having been lied directly to our faces by you, and then having had you offer up some bullshit generic apology when we were getting voted out. Make no mistake, the bitterness you're receiving stems from YOU as a person and YOUR ACTIONS towards the other people in this game. Yve crossed the same people, and yet nobody had a mean thing to say about her, and it boils down to two things in my mind: Respect and likability. I disagreed with the decision, especially from Garrett and Sierra's perspective, but I felt like the two of them, along with Yve and Monica, at least respected me and empathized with my situation. I felt like you masturbated while staring at yourself in a mirror that night before you remembered that the jury is a thing, so you shot me off the most generic, bullshit apology ever.

Overall, I got the impression that none of the relationships you built with anybody were real in any way. You come off like you pretended to care about people, and it would gnaw at me to reward that sort of behavior with a victory. I have no questions that I feel like you're capable of answering at the moment, because I feel like all I would get are more banal platitudes that just make me more annoyed.


Monica: I expected Austin to turn out to be a bad egg. I got a bad first impression of him. This hurts though because we did become so close in this game. I do believe that you fought for me on multiple occasions. However, the first time I was vulnerable, I got voted out, so I guess that speaks to how capable you were at manipulating the game to your end. Then from the jury I find out about your little final two deal with Austin, and I have to wonder "If she was really ride and die with the Hag Havoc Alliance, why did Monica never disclose that deal with Austin to me and Sue?" Austin may have lied to me harder, but your deception towards me hurts ten times more than his does, believe that. You say that you saw yourself in the final 2 with me, but I can't help but have the niggling thought that you never had to prove that at all, which seems awfully convenient for you.

On top of that, you seemed like you didn't care about winning this game. You insulted and disrespected multiple people in the jury to their faces. You played games with Sierra and Garrett when you felt like you finally had power over them. You dangled Kelley and Erik on strings when they were on the outs. I get that you were just having fun, but none of those people deserved to be treated like victims of your flights of fancy, and I hope you genuinely feel remorse for any feelings that you hurt, and believe me, there are multiple jurors with hurt feelings.


Both of you: And now I'd like to address the travesty that was the last Tribal Council. Holy shit, I have never seen two people so SMUG and so SELF-SATISFIED that their little plan came to fruition. The posturing and the gloating and the patting each other on the back was just nauseating to everyone who read it. Before that round, I think either of you would have beaten Garrett with at least 8 votes in a Final Tribal Council, but after that, Garrett would have won this final two against either of you. Garrett carried himself with the class and dignity that you both forwent, and I'm shocked neither of you recognized that you went too far and tried to save face. I hope you both suffered a severe amount of chafing from jerking each other off so profusely in that thread.


With that being said, I will be voting for the person who does the best job rectifying the wrongs they've made in this game to the other jurors. If you both fail equally at that, I have a tiebreaker for you, and it's something my processors can easily handle:
PICK A NUMBER. LITERALLY ANY NUMBER.

That's all I need. Good luck to both of you, and congratulations for getting this far.

Sierra has implored me to ask these questions of you two. They're not to be answered, but I feel they give a little insight as to my mindset, so they could be helpful to the two of you in the rest of these threads:

Austin:
1. Are you a complete sociopath, or do you just pretend to be one on the internet?

2. Were you aware from the merge onward that the people you were voting out were going to be part of the jury that voted for you to win or lose, or is this your first experience with Survivor in general?

3. Who taught you how to live among and talk to humans, and do you feel cheated that they did such a shitty job?

4. Do you get jealous of people who have actual personalities?

5. Do you sometimes wonder what it feels like to have an emotion?


Monica:
1. Explain how you thought toying with Sierra the night you made the Future group chat made you more likely to win this game.

2. Why bother paying lip service to Sue, Rory, and me when you already had your final two "play both sides" deal set up? We didn't have anything to offer you.

3. On a scale from 1-10, how much do you ACTUALLY like each of us?

4. If you need an opening statement the size of a Shakespeare Anthology to explain your game, what do you think that says about how much you deserve to win?

5. At any point, did it cross your mind that your secret final two partner might be a literal serial killer?


BOTH:
6. Did you two suffer any chafing from jerking each other off so hard in the last TC thread?

7. When Garrett responded in that thread, when he carried himself with the class and dignity that you both forwent, did you think to yourself "Maybe I went a little too far"?

8. Were you not aware that we could see the Tribal Council threads?

9. What is wrong with you two?