Hey guys, looking hot tonight ;) ;) ;)

Ok, my awful corny joke is out of the way now. This ballooned into being much, much longer than I expected but it's become something of my trademark to have long ass confessionals (this isn't even the longest I've written lol) so why not. Feel free to take a snack break or maybe a nap about half way through. (: Anyways, let's get down to business :nerd:

I came into this game with ultra low expectations for my own performance. This is my first ORG in something like 2-3 years, and I think the highest I'd ever gotten before this experience was maybe...8th place? In those previous experiences I'd played the game much too fecklessly, allowing others to dictate the game and make moves while I mostly just sat back, took orders, and played the nice guy. So this game, I was determined to at least attempt to remedy the error of my past ways.

The first portion of my game was mostly spent doing two things:

1) Accumulating knowledge. Because I had the luxury of winning many challenges early on in the game, I spent a lot of my time just casually chatting with others in the game attempting to gather as much knowledge as I could. A lot of this knowledge came from my relationships with Katie & Monica, both of whom I had close relationships with early on in the game. Some of the knowledge I gathered in this time were major things (Caryn having an idol, Sierra/Stephen's love/hate relationship, the close relationship between Sierra/Erik & Katie) and others weren't (Rory/Monica's "Final Two"). Even though I wasn't actively involved in many decisions, I knew that keeping myself up to date about the dynamics of the game would be crucial moving forward for me, especially considering the direction mine and Monica's alliance would head later on in the game. This is something I kept going throughout the game, always having a working knowledge of all sides of this game.

2) Building social relationships. I used the opportunity of safety to begin building relationships with people that were mostly casual, light, and not based solely around strategy. I had a good enough base of knowledge to know what to say to whom (and what not to say), when to play dumb, and to not get involved in "picking a side". I learned from my errors--one of which would be when I told Monica about Sierra's hinting at a "plan" (which ended up being the Kim vote, which I thought was going to be for Monica) and from that point forward kept my mouth shut. I used these relationships to portray myself as something of a clueless floater in the game, someone who could be scooped up and used later on by others. And there was some truth to that--after the dissolution of the "Marehemu 4", I never really got offered any alliances anywhere else until later on but I still wanted people to think I would be with them when the time came.

My game really kicked into high gear when I went to a second tribal. First off, this was the round that Yve and I became ultra-close again after a brief separation. Our alliance would be pivotal going forward. Secondly, I was receiving a lot of pressure from Monica (and Rory) to vote out Garrett that round. It was at this point that I knew I wanted to play all sides of the game and positioned myself to do so. Why didn't I just pick a side? Well, the Monica/Rory/Caryn/Sue side I knew had a solid connection that I felt I couldn't break into considering I had never talked strategy with Caryn/Sue/Rory much. I felt more comfortable with the Sierra/Erik/Garrett/Kelley side because they actually spoke a little strategy with me (specifically Sierra). BUT at the same time, at various points Sierra had said to my face how she still didn't fully trust me after the Kim vote (she said this at least twice to me, and to Yve once as well) and didn't want to say certain things to me. So I didn't feel very certain or safe on either "side" long term. Thus, I knew that I had to attempt to play all sides. So I voted out Rob, who while ultimately an inconsequential player, allowed me to toe the line a bit longer.

Coming into the merge and winning the "Majority Rules" challenge showed how solid of a position I had placed myself in. Again, Monica wanted me to join her/Rory/Caryn/Sue after the merge and once again vote out Garrett but I knew doing that would place me at the bottom of a 5 person alliance. But I had to continue to do what was best for my game and completely go against what Monica wanted in this game. If things had gone her way, things wouldn't have looked so good for me. So I stuck with the "BelYvers" for a few rounds, and my plan was always to flip on them at 9. Yve seemed most open to do it that round as well. I never felt particularly reassured by the "BelYvers" alliance. It basically took Yve & I spamming our group conversation for us to reach a decision those two votes, and not one of you guys came to us about anything long term. Only Sierra ever did, and that was an hour before Erik was voted out. AND the alliance she was proposing was me/Yve/Erik/Sierra even though Erik had targeted me that round (unbeknownst to her). So that obviously wasn't going to happen. That said, I did NOT target Erik because he targeted me first. I went to Caryn about 30 minutes before he targeted me proposing we come together. It was something that Yve & I always wanted to do. Him targeting me only validated my instinct to target him in the first place, and got Yve 100% on board.

I think one of my most pivotal moves came in the double boot round. Originally, I wanted to vote out Garrett & Kelley because I thought that they (+ Sierra, who everyone knew had an idol) would be mad at us. But Erik targeting me gave us an opportunity to play both sides in the SAME vote and still get away with it. I'll give Yve lots of credit for this one, for convincing me that we should vote out one on each side. HOWEVER, I knew that if we just did it without telling anyone it could just end up with everyone turning on us. So, I took the initiative to convince Sierra & Garrett that we were only voting out Kelley because she was in on the "vote Austin out" plan and we didn't trust her. So basically it resulted in us getting those two to LET us vote out someone who was obviously close to them without them putting up a fight. AND for them to still want to work with us after. AND for Caryn to still want to work with us after. Thus...Yve & I were still in the middle after voting out two people from each side. Somehow.

The past few rounds were fairly straightforward. Caryn being such a huge physical threat made her an easy target to keep Sierra/Garrett on our side for a round, and then I knew I'd have Yve/Monica at 5 to take out the next biggest threat, Sierra. I felt like I needed Yve to go at 4 because even though I thought there was a good chance for her to take me to the end, we'd made a lot of these decisions together and our interests had always lined up so she could take equal credit for our moves. That plus the fact that she seemed to be coming off better than I was (mostly because of my own mouth lmao) is what led me to vote her out at 4. Then came the Final 3, and everything hinged on Monica. I haven't talked much about my relationship with Monica throughout this because I was saving it for now.

So... Why Monica? First off, everything I said about her keeping me sane and being my "rock" in this game was absolutely true. I love her to death <3. But there are also a lot of other reasons that made her someone I knew I'd like to go far in the game with. For one, at times in this game she got super sloppy (which she'll admit herself <3). Whether it was telling Kim about her idol (which I was against), going too far in trolling Sierra or insulting Kelley, or just not knowing when to sit back I feel like her game was not as calculating and...intentional as mine. But more than anything, I sensed early on that Monica was someone I could trust...as long as I placed as much trust back in her and made sure I was one of her only options. So I made sure to tell her everything in this game--whether it helped her or not so that she felt I was being honest with her. I then positioned myself in a place where she needed to work with me, or at least that she felt like she needed to. If she had the opportunity to go with Caryn/Sue/Rory, I think she absolutely would have. But I also knew that if I was loyal to her to the end that she had a good chance of taking me to the finals with her, even if it wasn't for her own benefit. Which she ultimately did, voting me out over a more passive player, Garrett.

Alright, I've got two final points to make. I wasn't going to make this a rebuttal of Monica's Opening Statement but there was one thing I wanted to address, and that's the fact that she compared me to Russell Hantz and multiple times referenced me as "pulling an Austin" in a negative way. The only thing in this game I'm going to apologize about is if I hurt anyone's feelings in this game on a personal level. I can't think of anything that I've said directly to anyone, but maybe I'm just forgetting. Did I get annoyed with some of you guys and vent to Monica (among others) about it? Yes, of course. But that's all game related, and nothing to do with actual hatred. I'd get made when someone wasn't giving me what I wanted, or was being cocky, or was pushing me to give information without giving any back. Not because of who they were as an individual. I honestly have no ill will towards anyone in this game, and if I've hurt someone because of something I said I sincerely apologize. But, what I'm not going to apologize for is voting people out. I think the majority of you sitting on the jury know that you wouldn't have gone to the end with me, so I did what I felt I had to do to get here, with no malicious intent behind any of it. I don't hate or even have grudges against anyone in this game, even those who have expressed dislike of me (again, mostly because of my own mouth or lack of lol).

The last thing I want to touch upon is my own personality. I know how I come cross a lot of the time. At my core (in this game and in life) I'm mostly a shy, soft-spoken, slightly awkward, but generally pleasant person. I'm a listener more than a talker. Hell, I'm kind of the most boring person I know. I'm very Cancer (lol). I was never going to be the most entertaining, the wittiest, the bitchiest, the loudest person in this game. It's just not in me. I don't have it in me to play a "character" in this game. It wouldn't be genuine, and I couldn't. So I've tried to play this game as me as best I can, even if me isn't the most exciting option. I feel like I've played a shrewd, calculating, and active game that I'm proud of. I tried my best to never step back but to take things into my own hands this game. It wasn't perfect, it has plenty of flaws, but I made it work for me and I felt like for once in my ORG career I helped dictate my own fate.

Anyways, I wish Monica the best of luck and I'm ready to take on any and all questions you guys might have for me. I'll answer them as honestly as I know how. Good luck with your decisions.