ALRIGHT.

Hey. Hi. It’s me, Monica Culpepper. arealneatlady. A real neat lady. A real neat finalist. A real neat winner?

Please, come into my world. I should win because:



Nah jk!

Let me show you why I deserve your vote in a three act play.



Do y’all recall answering those Pre-game Questions? I was the last one to check-in for this game by a longshot because I did not really think I was going to get into this game. I had never played an ORG before and I had not used AIM in like …. I want to say 7 years. I was so confused by that entire application process (“who the fuck is Curtis Page?”) but I was unemployed and wanted to prove to myself that I can do this. Two months prior I did a virtual Big Brother with people I knew on ontdbb and played really awfully and was the third boot. I wanted to see that with aliases, without knowing anyone, I could actually get to the end.

So anyway SI seemed so legit that I like could not imagine actually succeeding. So I kind of forgot about the deadline. Decided to check AIM, and boom! What? I’m on? And i’m like a day behind everyone? I felt like that was a bad first sign. I did not even know how to socialize on AIM, so I decided to really consider those pre-game questions and set a tone for myself. So here are some relevant answers:

Monica Culpepper @ 22/2/2015 17:58

2: What's your strategy going to be like? Ah, man. I have no idea. I think it is best not to have a pre-set strategy gamebot thing in my mind. The best skill you can have in Survivor is adaptability. I am so confused right now with the lack of tribes. I really want to find a confidant, a plus one. I want to be like JT/Stephen but not as boring and heteronormative and shitty. I want someone I can trust and bounce ideas off of. I realize this is risky to put a lot of faith in one person … and I do not like trusting my first instincts (I am such a Libra!) So hmm… I want to be as social as possible — I do not want to rely on anyone else, especially a partner, to communicate with the tribe. I want to be able to talk with anyone. It’s going to take a lot of time but I have faith in my beautiful personality. 3: What reason did you have for selecting the character you're playing as? Secondly, I think she’d be a real fun person to role-play as. I am in a deep love with her use of third person and, as I said further above, I love her self-righteousness. Yes, it was annoying to watch during BvW because it ruined a bit of the suspense … but I love how deeply personal she took the game but still kept a level head. I am like that … very deeply personal but still cerebral. 4: What's one word you would use to describe your gameplay or personality? Indulgent.

So let’s keep those answers in mind as we journey to …. act one ~*~*~

Ok, so I wrote like 15 paragraphs of a round-by-round explanation of this game (like how I deliberately got myself to be on Yve’s tribe, and had Austin write good words about me to her) … but realized that like no one wants to read that right now. Unless you do! If so, request that in your question. I figured in my opening, I should just speak generally, and then we can get down to business.

I fulfilled my pre-game strategy and ideals. And that’s pretty neat.

I found a confidant in Austin, a partner, a plus one, that I can trust and bounce ideas off of. So like I said, I was not really sure how to socialize on AIM. And like I showed earlier, the first two people to talk to me were Garrett and Austin. Garrett and I did not actually have a conversation cuz of time zones. But Austin and I chatted. And I really liked him. I did not automatically compute, “OH THIS DUDE IS MY SECRET F2 PAIR” but I could tell we were definitely on similar pages.

Marehemu was great. I got to talk to Yve more and instantly fell in love with her (as I’m sure everyone else did, too). We definitely first bonded over wine <3. But the Yve/Austin/Katie/me foursome seemed tight and fun and very lovey dovey Kumbaya. Quickly, Austin and I then started to see that we just talked game a lot more intense than the other two. I know we said day two, but i GUESS WE LIED. It seems that on February 25 (day two?) that Austin and I decided to become a secret really tight duo. We were both just really aggressive about gaming and knew that we could contain it just between the two of us. I want y’all to know that it was NOT like instant WE ARE FINAL TWO TO THE END. I specifically said in my Feb 25 confessional: “Austin seems a little more eager as a player (he wants to make our duo real secret and make Yve or Katie the figurehead leader [of our foursome] so that they get the most target) ... which kind of makes me on watch. He's all, ‘So glad we been together since DAY ONE’, which is a lil' too much.” But lmao guess look at us now being all DAY ONE. I did not instantly trust him but knew he was someone to keep close and good.

As I said in the previous TC, it was not until the Kim vote that everything solidified between us. I will wholly admit that my gameplay during that round was abysmal. I got a little cocky based on how good and nice Marehemu was. The foursome was tight. And then when Stephen was so bold as to come to me and said, “I know I’m the obvious boot. What can I do?” When I told him to target FairPlay and it worked. I knew I had Stephen as an ally. When Rory and I had a screaming convo that turned into a very dramatic and exhilarating final 2 duo, I knew I had an ally there. Thank you Rory for telling me the play the idol. So I thought that I could just go aggressive and gamebot-y on that Game Four round. I really messed that one up and found out how truly out of the loop I was.

So that’s when I knew I had to adapt to the game scheme and not be all gamebot-y about it at this stage. Rory and I, and then Austin and I both recognized that an army was forming and that we were not a part of it. I tried to become a part of it with my fabulous gorgeous personality, and found out that I really did enjoy talking to everyone in this game. Sierra and I, in particular, had a really good conversation chemistry. But, it was obvious, through things like Erik and Stephen telling me that they really wanted to give me a heads-up that I would not have to play my idol, that alliances were already solidifying and that if I just played the social game with them that I would be at the bottom. So there had to be a crack.

And there was … Sue. SUE! My crack <3 So the idol hysteria made that split vote thing possible. I credit Rory with that Vytas boot. I thought it would be smart to just make the majority happy by booting Sue. But Rory saw the value in saving her. And it just worked nicely that Vytas having an idol seemed like an appropriate reason to boot him. By saving Sue, I did not realize I would gain an ally. But we had such an awesome conversational chemistry. And then I had great chemistry with CARYN <3. And then Caryn/Sue and I were all talking one night … and then we decided to make a chatroom, which turned into the HAG ALLIANCE. I thought it was a joke at first. But then it turned out to be a beautiful reality.

But then there was the Katie boot. I can imagine with some people that was a real turning point with how they were looking at me. It was a turning point for me, as well. My confessional that week was really dramatic. I called it my ORG Bat Mitzvah in that it was my Coming of Age (#episodetitle) in that I realized that just because I loved Katie, and really enjoyed talking to her … it was better for my game that she left. I originally wanted Sierra to leave, but Stephen was the swing vote, and he wanted Katie out. Getting Katie out made the sides that much stronger and opposed and easier to see. It had a dramatic effect on the game and kind of made it so that a lot of people would not work for each other.

So when we got to the merge. The two sides were clear:
Side 1: Erik/Sierra/Garrett/Kelley + Yve (who I knew no longer trusted me after the Katie thing) + maybe Stephen
Side 2: Me/Rory/Sue/Caryn + maybe Stephen

… and then there was Austin. I was very irritated with Austin after he decided to keep Garrett over the irrelevant cannon fodder Boston Rob. I thought it would be so easy if he got rid of Garrett, then he’d be on our side and we’d have the majority. But, since we were secret, it was very easy for Austin to pretend to be pissed at me for the Katie vote, even though he knew it all along. I respected that he respected me doing that. And then in turn, I gave him respect for keeping Garrett, and getting Side 1’s trust.

So when it came down to merge, we had a chat about the rest of the game. He came up with the crazy idea of “playing both sides” and to “pretend to keep our distance.” I thought that was COMPLETE BULLSHIT. That it would be a thing where Ausitn would be like, “Let’s pretend to be distant … oops we actually are distant bye!” So I agreed to that with always the thought of turning on him when shit seemed bullshit.

But then it was not bullshit. Austin told me everything as I had told him everything when he didn’t have to go to tribal like 4 rounds in a row pre-merge. It seemed more like bullshit after Stephen left, then Rory left. I fought to make Austin fill. But then the Erik boot happened. We had planned that to be the Erik boot, and the flip. The problem was convincing Yve. And then Erik conveniently targeted Austin. So it made it seem like Austin/Yve had not aligned with us but was rather saving his neck. Which was awesome. I tried my hardest to convince Austin to just stay with the Hags and go to the end where I would be the swing between Sue/Caryn and Austin/Yve. I had yet to make up my mind regarding where I would go with that. And luckily, I never had to.

But Austin wanted to continue the split sides game. So that double boot happened. And then Caryn. I tried so hard to convince them otherwise, that just because Caryn was winning challenges does not mean we had to boot her. But it happened. And then the Sierra boot happened. And then Yve. and then Garrett.

Our boot list was pretty much in order from Erik onward. The thing was … I had to play dumb. I had to play real dumb. I had to play nice. I had to play bitter or scramble-y when I actually felt quite secure. It was quite the act for me. And while I was acting dumb, I still had ideas of exit plans. I started to talking to Sierra even further (jokingly asking for f2’s, but actually wanting to go further with that if it became a more viable option). Making deals with Garrett in case he won f3, or Yve in case she won f4 or f3. But then it all worked out how we planned.

And so here we are now. TRUST I tried really hard to edit this down hahah. I didn’t explain the merge as much because I figure y’all would have relevant questions because y’all were … there.

Was I dragged? No. I can see how one could see that. But as we have both said, it was a very cooperative act. I kept Austin in the loop during the pre-merge and he kept me int he loop during the post-merge. Everything either one of us did was talked through and through by both of us, and sometimes edited by suggestions of the other.

But I can see y’all still saying, “He dragged you though! You had no power! He dragged you to this point!” Austin dragged me? I guess so, if by drag you mean …. Austin eliminated every single one of his allies for me. I even would concede to him on things such as, “We can eliminate Yve at f3 if you want. It will look better for you.” But he did not want to take that risk. He had the game plan set and matched.

And that game plan involved …. eliminating every single ally for me. He risked pissing every single one of them off, or appearing like not even good allies to begin with. We could have easily kept going after the Erik boot to keep with Sue/Caryn. But he still wanted to play both sides. While I admit, it has been quite the achievement for us … but much did it cost him? It was almost lying for the sake of lying. While I did have fun faking conversations with him for the benefit of other people … (like for instance: telling Garrett I will ‘talk to Austin about booting Yve’ and then pretend that Austin was hesitant so Garrett should talk to Austin. And then have Austin relay me everything Garrett was saying to Austin and them coming to an agreement. And then for me to ask Garrett: What did Austin say?!) … it seems like he was always going an extra step in lying and deceiving, while I still always seemed in-character, I was always Monica. Austin was always shadier and not always Austin. I think that required more skill on my part.

And it was not as if Austin like single-handedly protected me. I adapted to the game scheme and became allies/friends with a lot of really big targets: Stephen, Rory, Sue, and Caryn all were more obvious boots than me. While I enjoyed them and understood them … the majority did not. That really helped me not be a target. And then my social game allowed Erik to tell me about the Austin boot, or for Sierra to tell me all her thoughts and feelings <3 or for Yve to welcome me back into the fold.

Garrett refused to boot out Sierra even though it did not matter either way. I told him that it would make Austin/Yve more endeared to working with him — but he did not want to. Which fortunately because of Austin/I did not really matter either way. I went and voted for Caryn even though it did not matter because I knew it might help Yve trust me more. I adapted to the game. I adapted to my failure in the Kim boot. I adapted to the ramifications of voting out Katie. I adapted.

I outwitted Austin more on that front. I had to survive more tribal councils, I had to risk not being in the majority, I had to trust and not trust others. I adapted and survived.

If to simplify further…

I outplayed Austin more on that front. I TIED WITH IMMUNITY WINS WITH QUEEN BEAST CARYN <3.

And I outlasted. I only missed three tribal councils.

I feel like I am the Sandra to his Hantz … if they had made some creepy deal on day one. That is a very big simplification, of course. But I did really embody “Anyone but me” while he really got very gamer thirsty.

Just want to say a few things to y’all before you have your say.

Stephen: I never betrayed you! And I saved you on that FairPlay vote even though you promised me a mask (lmao remember you asked Lex if you could directly give me the mask without being voted out). I thought we could have made a great team <3

Rory: I never betrayed you either <3. Yes, I told Ausitn about our f2 deal. But once we had that big dramatic chat about NEVER TELLING ANONE ABOUT WHAT WE TALK ABOUT … I kept my mouth shut. I had you below Austin on my boot list at that moment. I really thought we could have been a really hilarious and fun f2 deal. YAW YAW.

Erik: Babe! <3 I really enjoyed our early chats, especially as two ORG newbs. But then you made it clear that you did not have me high on your priority list that I had to make other plans. Which is fine! But we could have been cute and fun. You being the first target of the Austin/Yve flip was a credit to your likability and gameplay.

Kelley: I am truly sorry for that joke I made during that live chat of the double boot. That was the single thing I regret in this game. I was just like at work after hours drinking a beer and got competitive and a little too mean. I apologize. I did not mean to cyberbully you. I also thought it was sad we never chatted. And once we did, we had such good chemistry!

Sue: MY QUEEN COCKROACH <3. I love how I went from targeting you to loving you. I wrote an essay in our rites about how I enjoy you.

Caryn: WE COULD OF HAVE HAD IT ALLLLLL. I did really see us being f2 (with Sue at f3) once we got to merge because Austin’s duality seemed sketchy. We would have been so beautiful. I was still arguing for you until the end. I really think you turned into my big brother over the course of the game.

Sierra; Hey. It’s a love story so JUST SAY YES. It was so hard having you argue to me at f5 with very logical claims of Austin/Yve not taking me to f2. I had to pretend to be so dumb around you but you were very fun to talk to and to troll <3.

Yve: <3 babe. Like I said earlier, I told Austin I’d be fine with bringing you to f3 so it seemed like less of a huge betrayal. But he knew that if you won f3 you would beat both of us. I did want to work with you but I knew that you, understandably, did not trust me after the Katite boot. I was so glad we did end up getting to be allies again <3 That Golden Girls chat and time was my fav of the entire season.

Garrett: I’m really glad I got to know you and work with you these past few weeks. You really did make me consider betraying Austin. You showed a great endgame.

Garrett really did make a compelling case. But I realized … I did not want to pull an Austin by booting Austin. And it’s not just simply because loyalty or morals … but also because I feel like I did not have to. I never had to pull an Austin this entire game. I made loyal agreements with people and never had to boot them or betray them. Me being secretive about Austin/I never came at the price of making others suffer, unlike him. I tried my hardest to get Austin to stop playing both sides and just stick to one. But he wanted to keep … pulling an Austin. Because he had to, to get to this position. I did not. I just had to pull a Monica. Booting Austin would not have been me. or necessary. hopefully.

AND PULL A MONICA I DID. I had a real great time being Monica and playing with y’all. As I said in my pre-game question: I am indulgent. I really got the most I could out of this game and talking to you people and playing these challenges (even though I never read the rules). And it was a blast! I took it all very personal but also very cerebral.

As my first legit ORG, it has been such a fun and amazing pleasure. I think I wrote 300 confessional posts hahaha.

Anyway — looking forward to your comments and questions! Sorry I wrote so much. I am just so INDULGENT with all my EMOTIONS.