Here goes....

- To be honest, I was a bit of a selfish bitch this round. I recognize that I was, but that's sometimes necessary if you're going to do what it takes to get to the end of the game. I think that was most obvious in the way I handled the hidden immunity idol this round. I found it last round and promised to keep it a secret from every single person in the game. I learned from Kelly that word travels fast and more often than not it creates an unwanted target. I'd rather just casually keep it in my pocket. As I mentioned in my bootlist, Ken kind of tried to coax any idol progress I had made out of me, but I didn't take the bait. I love him, but I have no desire to tell him about it yet. He hinted that someone might have found a mystery prize that tells them who has the idol, but I really just don't think that exists. So, I didn't cave. And I don't feel bad.

- Not only did I not cave, I played up the idol madness myself. Pretty much everyone wanted Eddie out this round, myself included. He was a huge threat in every sense of the word. As we were discussing it, I mentioned the possibility that he could play an idol. In hindsight, I wish I wouldn't have done that because it sent the whole tribe into panic mode. Everyone was convinced that he had found the Occorom idol or that Charlie had it and would be giving it to him. The more people that jumped on board with voting Eddie, the more paranoid the former Sebou's became. I continued to play it up though, faking my paranoia to match my peers. At one point, I even mentioned to Yul that there might be a possibility of multiple idols on our beach and asked him what he thought about maybe Charlie AND Eddie having one. That notion spooked him a bit and prompted him to ask the hosts for clarification. It was nice knowing the answer for myself, though.

- On top of lying about my idol and leading others to believe someone else had it, I gave Kelly so much bad advice that half the world found out about her idol and she ended up playing it unnecessarily this round. Every time she asked me if I thought she should tell someone, I played up how much trust that could build between her and said person. When she asked me if I thought she should play her idol at tribal council, I emphasized that I thought that was a great plan just in case Eddie played his, knowing all the while that the idol was actually resting comfortably in my back pocket. As I write this, I realize how sleazy I sound. Anyway, the idol quickly became public knowledge and Kelly felt prompted to play her idol, too. Strategically, it's a win-win. Morally, I look like an ass. But we can worry about that later.

- In an effort to build up the idea that Eddie probably had the idol, I asked Yul if the clue he got matched up well with the spaces Eddie had covered. Knowing he could trust me, he decided to share his clue with me. He said that he really hoped that one of us could find the idol, so I've pretty much decided that I will be "finding it" either next round or the round after in an effort to cover up my lying ass ways. I may change my theory on telling people about it, but I'll probably wait to see if I can win an immunity challenge first. An immunity win with my idol still in play equals feeling a little more free to tell people about it. For now, I'm just going to keep it on the down low still and make plans to find it publicly in the next couple rounds.

- I didn't particularly care for the auction, to be honest. I love the idea, but those things never end up giving me anything too spectacular. The message in the bottle may still turn out to be a good thing, but the visit from family was a disheartening dud. I was really excited that I had landed another prize, but it didn't turn out to be very beneficial. It certainly gave me a good laugh if nothing else. I think I was able to figure out pretty much what everyone's prize was except for Charlie's, which definitely concerns me a little bit. I'm hoping it won't change the game too much whatever it may be.

- I've done a good job of upping my poor relationships, particularly with people like Bill and Charlie. In fact, I anticipate they will be targeted next round, but I would much rather have them both stick around for a little while longer if at all possible. In an effort to up those relationships though, I feel like I am continuing to let my relationship with JR slip, which isn't wise this late in the game. I don't think he would turn on me, but I don't want to find out. We will be having a very serious conversation about our long term plans next round. We need to put our heads together and figure out a common plan that we both like and agree upon. Ideally, I would like him to take the lead a little bit on that project, because he has been very short and unenthusiastic lately. I would like for him to have something that he feels like he led himself, rather than feeling like he's just doing whatever I say or something. I need the old JR back.

- Truthfully, things are sitting pretty for future rounds, too. I have an idol, JR has an immunity to use whenever, and Ken has some sort of advantage in a future Sausage Link. I like my odds if the three of us can continue to use those sorts of things to our advantage. If I can find a way to protect Yul and, to a lesser extent, Kelly and Bill too, then I should be sitting pretty for the last stretch of the game. In other words, I need to make taking out some more Dadès people a priority for the next two rounds. Hopefully Sausage Links won't hurt me too bad, but if they do, I can always use my idol. The future is bright; I just need to stop being such a selfish bitch so much.


Betsy