Alright, it's time for a long overdue confessional...

- So, I missed doing an Episode Seven confessional, something that will likely drive me insane for the remainder of this season. I was working two doubles in a row when that episode went down, but I can pretty much tell you that losing that immunity challenge because I wasn't able to participate and because the other two tribes were essentially ganging up on us and kicking us while we were down was yet another low point in this game for me. On the other hand, the vote itself was not difficult. JR and I had been tight for quite some time and we spent a majority of that night in a little bit of a mushy conversation where we were both having pity on ourselves but admitting that we wouldn't have gotten through the mess if it weren't for the other person. At one point, we even compared ourselves to a more awkward version of Rob and Amber. So, in that sense, that last round pre-merge was good for us. And I'm glad that Peter was rewarded with a jury spot. He deserves it.

- Then, the highly anticipated merge began. My goal at merge became to essentially sell myself to anyone and everyone, since I didn't really have relationships to go on. Many people immediately began asking questions about what time was like on the Outcast tribe, and I was very open and honest with them about all of it. For more specifics, check out the bootlist I'm about to post in just a moment. I did as much questioning myself though. One thing that I found to be extremely funny was how everyone in the game felt like they were on the bottom as of a few days ago. Everyone was selling the bullshit line about how they were lucky they didn't have to go to one more tribal council, because the struggle was real and it was going to be them next. They were all certain of that. Anyway, I think the connections I made ended up paying dividends right away.

- Strategic talk immediately began to pick up. Dadès wanted to take out someone from the Outcast tribe and get Sebou to help them out. Sebou wanted to stick to its original group and take out a Dades. Personally, I wanted people to get over the pettiness of sticking to tribal lines and had hoped to take out a Sebou. See the conflict here? Everyone wanted what they couldn't have. Everyone was also saying that they wanted to play this round somewhat conservatively but vowed that they were going to be eager to shake things up here in a few rounds. I think that's all the foreshadowing you need to know that these next few rounds aren't going to be easy or pretty. Shit is about to get really real in this game. I'm sticking to my strategy of not burning bridges.

- I kicked that strategy into overdrive when J'Tia approached me and essentially said that she really liked me and was hoping we could work together in the future and cited all of that as her reasons for telling me that Dadès was wanting to vote for me. Needless to say, that news did not settle well with me, but I really freaked out when she told me that their reasoning was because I was inactive. I realize that I wasn't able to make it to the previous immunity challenge, but calling me inactive after I've dedicated this many hours to the game is never going to settle too well with me. I think J'Tia was a little bit taken aback by the way I handled the news, as she quickly began trying to change the subject and avoid any of the strategic sales pitches I was throwing her way. I admit that I kind of went into panic mode that night, and I signed off of AIM feeling disgusted with myself. I even questioned if I was playing the game like the real Kass did in Survivor Cagayan, something I think we can all agree upon as not being a good thing.

- J'Tia breaking that news to me is actually what made me screw up in the immunity challenge. I was deeply engrossed in conversation with both her and Ken, doing anything I could to rally some support on my side. In the midst of all of that, I managed to let the time get to six minutes instead of five. Never in a million years would I have lasted long enough to actually win immunity, but I did intend to better than what I did. Who knows? Maybe I'll be glad that I didn't go very long. We'll see.

- I think one of the main reasons I freaked out so much is because I have some serious and legitimate concerns about how trustworthy Sebou as a whole is. I trust Ken to the moon and back. And honestly, I'm warming up quite a bit to Kelly. Marisa and I have had some conversations recently that make me wonder if we don't at least have some potential to work together in the future, although I admit that I'm going into it with hesitancy. I don't trust Bill as far as I can throw him. Bill and Marisa have both been known to dance with the devil and try to make some deals with the other side. My relationship was never very good with them to begin with. And I know I'm not the only one who has issues trusting them. I guess that's the main reason why I thought voting along tribal lines was absolute stupidity. When you reach the merge, it's time to vote with people you trust, not groups of people who may or may not benefit you in the long run. Once again, people are playing so conservatively that they won't really stick to their gut and do what they truly want to do.

- Those ideas were the exact points I made to Ken in an attempt to rally a vote for Bill. I was using this analogy about how cracks in the walls were very evident and that it was much better to knock the bitch down and build something stronger in its place than it was to just ignore them and hope everything turned out okay. Honestly, I think he was buying it, but we realized later in our talk that Bill was one of the leading contenders for immunity. In hindsight, I think it all worked out for the better, but I was super nervous about someone from Dadès playing an idol. I could just see that whole thing blowing up and screwing over either JR or myself.

- Once we found out the results to the challenge, Bill started an old Sebou group chat where we all came together and discussed the vote. Many people seemed to push for Eddie, but I think we all realized that he was the most obvious target, thus making an idol being played by him a very real possibility. We decided it would probably be safer if we went for Hayden, someone we suspected that they wouldn't see coming. It turns out we were right, and we managed to flush the idol from Charlie at the same time. One of the things we agreed upon in our chat was that we wouldn't tell a single soul from Dades, hoping that would help our chances of surviving an idol. That approach worked well, but it made J'Tia mad in the process. I think paranoia got the better of her, but she went on this long rant about how she gave up top secret info for us but we weren't willing to do the same for her. The majority of her angst seemed to be pointed toward Ken, who I should be wary of according to her. I really like J'Tia and I appreciate how much she is doing for me and other Sebous, but I really don't like how she tries to tell me how to think sometimes.

- I felt particularly bad about voting out Hayden, because he and I had literally just made an agreement that we would try to watch out for each other. We agreed that priority one needed to be both of us surviving this tribal council, but we agreed that we would be able to come together and form a pretty dynamic team after that. Right after we agreed to that, his name got thrown out there as an option for the vote. I decided to go along with that and thought I might try to rally a group who could vote for Charlie or another Dades, since J'Tia claimed she would be willing to do that. I even tossed that notion out to Marisa, but she seemed very confused. So, I decided rallying a second group of Dadès voters was a risky plan with a lot of potential to fail. In the end, I decided to vote for him because of how well-connected he is to Eddie and Charlie (two people I'm very poorly connected to) and because Jonathan and J'Tia are the people I'm most anxious to work with from Dades. Working with all three would've been nice, but it didn't seem feasible with idol lurking out there. I hope he understands, but I feel certain that he won't. I feel bad for going back on my word, but his tribe never really reached out to me with an option either. I truly don't feel completely at fault considering my alternatives.

- Looking to the future, I highly suspect that next round will be a Sausage Link. If that is true, look for things to get really ugly afterwards. This should really reveal who is with who, and being on the bottom now is significantly worse than it was before. I'm going to need to continue working my ass off on my social game and continue trying to build relationships with everyone while picking their minds about where they stand strategically. I'm loving socializing right now, so I need to just keep building on this progress.


That's all for now...

Betsy