My crazy ass is back to write a little more...

- Let's start with the elephant in the room: that damn challenge! That was honestly one of the most heartbreaking defeats I can recall experiencing, and I know I've had a few in my day. I can think of one that might be worse, but that ranks right up there with them. We had them backed into a corner, and they came back with the KO punch. The worst part is that Marisa had it solved insanely quick; she just took forever getting it posted. I want to feel like we will bounce back stronger and punch them in the gut next time, but I'm quickly realizing that Charlie, Eddie, Dan, Abi, J'Tia, and maybe a couple others are likely the strongest in this game. Their weak are substantially weaker, but their strong probably have ours beat.

- Lots of speculation out there that a tribe swap or Sausage Link or something is looming out there somewhere. To me, that's as much wishful thinking as anything else. I'm not sure I'm enjoying our tribe right now. I think we have a good group and we tend to work well together, but I don't find too many people over here that enjoy strategizing. And, to me, that probably means that many of them already have comfortable strategies in place. I'm ready for something to come and shake this game up, so we can have a little more excitement around here.

- I'm going to do something silly tonight. I plan on voting for Becky, which will likely put me in the minority. Fact of the matter is I like Katie and I find Becky to be painfully boring to talk to. Unlike the others, I'm not going to just bend over and vote for whomever we decide to be the majority. You've got to stick to your guns sometimes. I know there are several people who would prefer to see Becky go over Katie, so I think it will be very telling if it ends up being a landslide toward Katie. One thing is for sure - it won't be unanimous!

- I keep holding my breath that my fat ass will stumble over that idol here soon. I realize that luck will have as much to do with that as anything, but I could really use that in my back pocket. Having a guaranteed extra round would probably have me playing a little less paranoid of what everyone else is doing. I desperately need to find that bad boy!

- I think I am fairly well-received by the majority of my tribe. The jury is still out on what Becky, Marisa, Bill, and maybe even Purple Kelly think of me, but I have had really good conversations with the others (Jean Robert, Ken, NaOnka, Yul, and Katie) and I think they would have my back and come to my rescue if my name ever came up. I pride myself in being pretty good in conversation, so I at least hope that is the case. I should probably work on mending and continuing to improve relations with all of those others. I can't have anyone who doesn't like or trust me. We'll save that for later.

- My work schedule tonight means I'm not going to get to strategize with anyone else before the results are up, so I'm hoping for the best. Hopefully working so much won't be an issue in the future. I would hate to leave this game because I can't be around to strategize as much.

There's plenty more I could say, but we'll go ahead and be done right there.


Betsy

Closing thoughts on the round...

- I'm really annoyed with the way things played out at this tribal council - for a number of reasons. I guess my first frustration is with our tribe's expectations. We're like the beautiful couple with a horrible marriage that is completely falling apart, but we don't want to let anyone know that. The fact that so many people want our tribe to vote unanimously at tribal council is annoying enough. But the fact that everyone freaks out when the vote isn't unanimous and goes on these long, obnoxious rants about how they hope we'll be able to recover from this makes me realize how pussified my tribe really is. Recover?! This is Survivor. Not only are we not all going to agree and vote together, I would argue we shouldn't. It's not healthy for us to feel like we have to fake that we are one cohesive unit. It's ridiculous that multiple people who voted for Katie said to my face that they would prefer to vote out Becky because they feel like she is significantly worse socially, but chose to vote out Katie anyway because they didn't want to rock the boat. What are you people doing?! Be true to yourselves! Vote based on your own convictions. Apologize to no one! I can't wait for things to heat up a little more so people will stop being so politically correct about everything.

- I'm also annoyed that Becky came to me after the tribal council and asked why I voted for her. On the one hand, I feel like that conversation was necessary and much needed so we could clear the air. So, I don't want to make it sound like I didn't appreciate it at all. I guess my confusion lies in not understanding why she didn't approach me BEFORE tribal council to talk about my vote and see if I would be willing to vote for Katie with her. Katie came to me; why didn't Becky? There are so many things about her social game that drive me bananas, but I'm going to have to find a way to live with it. She's not going anywhere yet.

- I truly feel bad for Katie. I think she was one of the sweeter people in our cast. And she obviously would have been someone to have alongside as an extra vote. Just from the few conversations we had, you could tell she was looking for someone she could trust. She made a special attempt to say thanks and goodbye to me on AIM, which was a kind gesture and something I really appreciated. Time will tell how long I end up staying in the game, but I think she will probably be someone I miss for a while.

- I'm still very suspicious that Becky had so many people willing to take her corner. I realize that Katie didn't exactly deserve people in her corner based solely off of performance, but Becky didn't either. I've never been much of a conspiracy theorist, but I can't help but believe there's more to this story that we aren't seeing. I'm highly suspicious of the relationships between some of these people, and I'm particularly skeptical of the people who are trying to play dumb and play without dirt on their hands this early. I may have to have some really deep and open conversations with a person or two to establish some trust and get some answers.

- We need immunity next round in the worst way. Another tribal council would be miserable to sit through, while I think the Dadès tribe has some dead weight they need to get rid of. We need a day or so to let things settle down and let the emotions die down a little bit. Not that I haven't given my all in all of the challenges so far (except for the Captain's Challenge obviously), but I will definitely be selling out in this next one.

- I don't think I've ever been more ready for tribes to be shuffled up. I know I mentioned this in my last confessional, but my tribe needs a good swift kick in the ass. They're playing too passively. And for that matter, I think I may need some fresh faces, too. I like these people, but I'm not sure any (or at least most) of them are the movers and shakers that I was expecting to come in contact with. I'd like to just see what other possibilities are out there.

That's all I got. The second round didn't go as well as the first, but you just have to keep getting back in the ring.


Betsy