Hoe mah gad Brettquanda is gonna die when he hear this I gots to go tell him let me get up in this house let me get up in this house baybehh! Hoe mah gad girl let me tell you you will not believe what I had heard what had just occurred I just got off the phone with Lexawanabufontonquibalafondelarequandralaquishabanishatishabufontrellaniquandrea and he had say that I was in the final 4! Now let me tell you, I was finna gonna wanna go to the final 2, but I got 3 options there, and in one way or another I'm feeling all of 'em:

Jamell: Me and him have been like Ratchet and fuckin' Clank this whole game, shooting up enemies and doin' hoodrat shit like POW. But lately he's been actin' shady. I been talkin' to that bitch named Keltrese and Johnshaquidalafondria and they both say that he's been playing the best game out of all of us. And I know that's for true cause I had seent him getting everybody trusting him, to the point where I got no fuckin' clue where I stand. But like I tolt him just now, it makes sense for us to be tight. He's Boston Rob and I'm Amber, or more accurately, he's Ami and I'm Leisha Fabo. We're tight because we think we can both beat each other. If I'm loyal to him, I'm loyal to Lugata. If he tries cuttin' me loose, I got no problem telling him to step his fuckin' ass off and gettin' rid of him. If I get rid of him, though, was I just suckin' his dick the whole way here? Can I take credit for his moves (which I thought of same time he did) if I get rid of him at the end?

Some bitch named Keltrese: She's been tight with the whole jury and she ain't never had to fuck any of 'em over. She's been actin' like a stupid bitch the whole way here, so she never ran the game, but if the jury is bitter, she wins hands down. On princimaple I would rather lose because of a bitter jury than win because of one. That shit can go out the window if I knew what was gonna happen and I knew I could beat Jamell, but I don't have any fuckin' clue.

Johnshaquidalafondria: Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is you? Who is you fuck? Fuck is you who? Who is fuck you? Is you fuck who? Fuck is you who? Is you the fuck who? Now come on tell me, who the fuck is this? Out of all three of my options, I have got the least of a fuckin' clue what the fuck John is thinkin', but he seems like my best compromise option right now. He's been playing an anonymonymous game much like me. He has not been runnin' shit and he has not been best friends with the jury because he's been too busy bein' in the back ally bobbin' fo apples, and let me tell you it is not Halloween and that was not a apple, it was a man's penis. He'll be tough to beat, but he ain't Jamell and he ain't that bitch named Keltrese, so at the time and fo the moment I wanna go to the end with him.

Of course people on they way out been tellin' me that I was a real target and that I gots to win immuninity to stay in it, but I'm feelin' this challenge. I can do puzzles, I can do mazes, I can learn how to do that shit in Photoshop, I can suck a man's dick so hard it pops clean off and I'm like what the fuck am I supposed to do with this now it's a dildo, I can do all that shit.

GIRL LET'S GO TO THE CLUB AND POP OUR PUSSIES.

lol'd

FINAL 666666 YO!
FINAL 55555 YO!
FINAL 4444 YO!
FINAL 333 YO!

@LeannSausage:

According to the Olympics McDonald's commercial, I have won upwards of 100 gold medals in my life. #falseequivalency

Whoo, realized I was getting a little behind schedule there! Now that I've won immunity, time to talk strategy! Jamie, John, and I all agree that Kelly must go. Jamie and I have convinced Kelly we all agree that John should go. I got a little tripped up when talking to Kelly though; when she said we should choose between Jamie and John based on who would be easier to beat in the final immunity challenge, I said John would probably have less of an opportunity to compete. I then realized too late that this would mean that I was targeting Jamie when I was trying to make an argument for John to go (wow did I turn myself in circles there), and of course she reports that back to Jamie, and I have to give my explanation to him. I'm sure it sounded awful, and I think there's a definite possibility that the two of them were thinking about getting rid of John (otherwise why would she be saying that to him), but a) I can prevent shit from getting turned around on me again by making sure John and I vote the same, at least resulting in a tie if they pull anything (and hopefully John will kick Kelly's ass in a fire tiebreaker), and b) I gave my best assurances to Kelly that it makes the most sense for me to vote John. The argument I laid out for her when I realized I was in a little trouble is that John is a wildcard and I don't know who he'll take, so if we get rid of John, Jamie will take me and Kelly will take me, ensuring my place in the final 2 no matter who wins.

And now for the part where I weasel my way out of lies and justify my doing so! To Jamie: I said I'd LIKE to take you to the final 2. Not that I WILL. To Kelly: I said I'd take you to the final 2. This is in effect only possible if I win the final 3 immunity, and you won't be in the final 3, will you? Also, I said that if we vote John I'm in the final 2 no matter who wins, not necessarily against someone I can beat, though.