A mysterious vehicle drove through St. Sharkalous. tit salad could not believe her eyes! tit salad shouted "DJHards! I THINK WE GOT SOME NEW NEIGHBORS!"



"Stop yelling, tits!" shouted DJHards while he was reading his morning paper. "You will wake up the kids!"'



"WHAT IS ALL THIS NOISE!? CAN'T A GIRL GET SOME BEAUTY SLEEP?" said Snarky the Sharkie as she was rudely awaken.



"Great, you woke up Snarky!" yelled DJHards! DJHards spot Snarky walking down the stairs. "What did I tell you about wearing those clothes, Snarky?"

"You are what you eat. Save money on your clothes by eating fat chicks, dad!" replied Snarky.

"NO! I told you that if you're going to wear clothes, at least cover up your belly button!"

"Gosh dad, I'm a sharkie! We don't have belly buttons. Duh!"

"Go back to your room and don't come out until you change your clothes!"

"No dad, my best friend, Grairljibra, will be over any second to take me to the mall!" A car horn can be heard beeping. "I think she's here now! Gotta go!"

"C'mon Snarky!" shouted Grairljibra.



Snarky leaves with Grairljibra.

"We should meet the new neighbors, DJ!" said tit salad.

DJ walked outside. "They came in an RV? Schmucks, I tell you!"

"Don't be rude, DJ! They're coming out now. Be nice. We need more friends for dinner guests and you keep on scaring them away!" tit salad proclaimed.

"I didn't scare them away, tits! You keep eating the guests! In fact, that's how the old neighbors left."

"Well, I tell you I blackout when I drink alcohol."

"And I tell you to stop getting into my stash!"

BUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP~ The sharkies heard a noise as the RV's door was opened.

"Where did you get that heap of junk?" shouted DJ.

snowbot replied, "We stopped and ate in Utah on the way here. It came with the kid's meal"



"We? There are more of you in there?" replied DJ.

"Come out! We're here," stated snowbot.

tit salad's eyes were filled with furious red as she saw someone from her past enter her life once more.

It was a late Monday night when the murder occurred. Everything seemed quiet on St. Sharkalous. That was until tit salad got new neighbors a few weeks ago. tit salad decided to come to me on a rainy Monday afternoon. The rain makes everything more dreary. It was not a good sign on a day to receive a case.

"You gotta help me detective! I'm afraid something is going to happen!" exclaimed tit salad.

"Look, lady. You have to tell me what you are hiring me for." I said.

"I'm afraid! I'm very afraid that she'll do something!"

""Who is this 'she'?"

"Her name is JackieDum. But you see, she's not really dumb. It's all a cover! You've seen the movie The Usual Suspects?"

"No, now don't spoil it for me!"

"It's already been spoofed in Scary Movie. There's nothing left for me to spoil."

"Are we gonna cut this movie crap or are you going to give me the details?"

"I was actually going to invite you over for movie night."

I was dumbfounded at the whole situation. She let out a small giggle. A giggle any young naive man would fall for.

"What's so funny?!" I shouted.

"You remind me of my husband when he gets mad. ... well former husband."

Why is she telling me all this and not telling me why she came in? What kind of game is she playing? I needed to put a stop to this and get to the serious business at fin. "Why did you come here?"

"I have a job for you. My jewels have been stolen. I suspect JackieDum is behind it. I want you to follow her."

"Why do you think she is behind it?"

"If she can steal my man, she can steal my jewels. She's also a murderer!"

"Murderer? That's a bold accusation to make! Got any proof?"

"She had life insurance on her husband and three kids before their RV exploded. She claimed to be at a book club meeting. BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH!"

"You think her alibi doesn't check out?"

"She left her reading glasses at home."

"Maybe she was wearing contacts?"

"I've known her since high school. She never wears contacts. She's too cheap to buy the kind needed to not bother her astigmatism." tit salad paused for a few seconds. "Will you help me?"

"Yes, I'm on the case! Now please leave, I'm on my lunch break." I remarked. tit salad shut the door on her way out. She seemed a little too gullible. My breath stank of tuna salad which I ate for lunch an hour before the salad with tits opened that door.


Hours passed and I found myself lurking in the bushes outside of JackieDum's lavish house with a pair of binoculars. I saw someone exiting the front door. It was no other than mob boss, hedthredbyBryce5thJun20148:14:50AM.



I could not believe my eyes as what was about to happen. I saw him talking to someone, but I couldn't make out who it was. "It's weird how your body hasn't changed!!" hedthredbyBryce5thJun20148:14:50AM said.






I've witnessed a murder today. Before I could getaway, I felt a loud pounding blow to my head and everything faded to black.

I woke up in a daze. Suddenly there were bright lights all around. What the fuck was going back. I heard a voice...

"AND WE'RE BACK TO THE ALL NEW FAMILY FEUD!"

...the Family Feud? Did I get sent back in time?

"I'm your host, VERNON OF 2014!"

2014? Okay, I am not a time traveler. Who the fuck is Vernon? My dilated pupils took in the light around me and I slowly regained my sense of sight surrounded by the big studio lights.

"WELCOME BACK THE RETURNING FAMILY! THE FE FAMILY!" Vernon shouted.

Who?

"HONEY BOO BOO! CURTIS! ROSE! BRYCE! BOC!" The host continued.

"For the last time, Honey Boo Boo is not with us." Boc pointed out.

"WHAT? I am HONEY BOO BOO CHILD! I was promised a spot on the returning team for the whole season. GIVE ME CHEESEBALLS!" said Honey Boo Boo.

"I'm gonna need SOME COOPERATION!" IF I DON'T GET SOME COOPERATION, WE ARE CHANGING THIS SHOW to...

MATCH GAME 2014"

"You can't do that (: " Curtis replied.

"Yes I can :D " Vernon stated. "I've already made a call!"

The doors opened. It was as if light shining from the heaves came in. Was I dead? Did somebody opened the flood gates? A voice spoke.



"Did you miss me :) What took you so long to call me?"

"Am I still a contestant?" Curtis said.

"Give me your autograph, Betty White!" Bryce yelled in excitement.

"Leave now before I sick the dogs on you!" Vernon said to the FE family.

:sansa:

Vernon cleared his throut. "We are restarting!"












as we play the star studded big money. Match Game '14.

And now, here's the host of Match Game '14, Vernon of 2014!

"Let's say hello to our beautiful contestants, Detective peterlinsen and secretary/part time show girl, Lizazaa."



The host said my name. I heard a crash and everything went back to black.

It was all a dream. My eyes flickered as I was trying to make sense of the current situation. I could not see anything clearly in this darkness.

"HELP ME!" I screamed. My hands were tied and so was my feet. I was a prisoner held captive in a car's trunk after being knocked out after witnessing a murder. I don't get paid enough for this!

I hear keys jamming against metal. I want to get out of here. The trunk opened. I see a face and hear "We're here, toots!"

Where is here, exactly? Before he could get his hooves on me, I saw a familiar hed. A hed that was not attached to a body. I must be hallucinating. I must have ate some bad tuna. There is no way this is possible.

:bryce:

"Rarrwrwerewrwerrrrrrrrrrrrwer. Brainz." The hed spoke.

"Huh?" The man with the keys in his head said in retaliation. Soon blood splattered everywhere. I heard his body fall to the ground. That wasn't all I heard. Five gunshots followed. I let out a shriek.

A girl appeared! "Get out of the car if you want to live!" the girl said.

"I'm a little tied up now!" I replied. She helped get the ropes off me and gave me a fin out of the car.

"Do you know how to operate a gun?" She asked.

"I haven't used one since my time served overseas in the army." I replied. "I know how to shoot."

"Good. I know a place we can hide! One quick thing. What is your name?"

"I'm Lizazaa. I was working on a case for my detective agency and..."

"You can save the specifics for later. Nice to meet you. My name is Snarky the Sharkie."

I will always remember the day I met Snarky.