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I watch Westerns 2024; I watch Westerns in 2024
 
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Post #1: 5th Jan 2024 11:40 PM 
Jeremiah Johnson

Okay this Western was slap dick hilarious. I thought it was going to be a little more rugged even though the Rocky Mountain backdrop was incredible, easily the best setting yet.

Bob Redford, white mountain boy, best to ever do it as far as I’m concerned. Can’t emphasize how silly and funny this character was. I was NOT expecting him to chance encounter so many strangers in miles and miles of wilderness, but that’s modern cinema for you. And I DEFINITELY wasn’t expecting him to adopt a son that doesn’t speak and get some bitch wife within the first 45 minutes. Fear not, they would both be brutally murdered early in Act II

I looooooveeed that this movie brought the heat with an overture and an intermission, I am on the record lover of this trick and Dr. Zhivago and The Sting are some of my all time faves to feature intermissions

Anyway the slapdick continues after the murders by the “savage”
NA tribes bc Jeremiah Johnson lead some Pilgrims through some burial grounds. At least that’s why I think they murdered. JJ freaks out and burns his sweet homemade cabin down and then kills like 7 bad guys at once. This is when all of the “Cowboy Kung Fu” starts

FSR the Crow tribe will only send one man at a time after J.J, something about honoring the valor of your opponent or whatever who cares at this point. But the Crow keep sneak attacking him one at a time over a course of months and he karate chop chokes them to death every time. The tomahawk battles are an especially inspired choice

It ends when he makes it out towards the Yukon and he runs into this Apache chief who he met in the first 5 minutes who told him he fishes like shit. But later he traded some pelts to the chief for a blanket so they were boys and the Chief saluted him

Some pretty horses, I didn’t know that meme was from this also the score was pretty campy actually but it WORKED. Not quite what I was expecting but I loved this 4/5 Cactus ****


Dances with Wolves

I’ve been on a lifelong quest to find when Kevin Coster was peak Kevin Costner-y and this may be it. I’ve seen ‘em all, American Flyers Coster, Draft Day Costner, Graceland Costner, JFK Costner and clubhouse leader Field of Dreams Costner. But he was perfect and this was a 5 cactus movie for me

I loved the vibe and the aww shucksness. It definitely was a bit long but the ending was good and I remember feeling that I watched all of it. First scene with the wolf was cute. I don’t think this one was that racist with the NA, not like JJ at least

5/5 cactus


Once Upon a Time in the West

This movie sucked I didn’t like it. The score was incredible and chilling and pretty famous I guess so it gets 2 cactus but I didn’t like the rest

I had a hard time telling the white people apart

Charles Bronson plays a harmonica and is like, trying to stop a train station from being built? I couldn’t follow the plot. Honestly there was a really gross Henry Fonda sex scene in the middle and I turned it off during and couldn’t finish

2/5 cactus

Post Edited by MrsAliceKramden @ 5th Jan 2024 11:44 PM
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Post #2: 7th Jan 2024 5:33 PM 
I would say these are spot on to a tee.
 
   
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Post #3: 16th Jan 2024 6:15 PM 
The Outlaw Josey Wales

This western was pretty horny and I liked its pro Confederacy politics. Josey Wales' origin story is yet another brutal murder of a wife and young child this time by some savage Kansas boys on his Missouri farm leads him to go shoot guns at trees for an undisclosed amount of time and then suddenly the Civil War is ending and Josey Wales is grizzled and has a beard and instead decides to guerrilla kill Union guys until he feels satisfied for all of the hate in his heart,,,,,,,,,,,

"Josey Wales man, always doubles back for a friend" - Ed "Worm" Norton in Rounders,,, my only context coming into this but his friends are W-E-I-R-D. Old Cherokee man who kind of sucks at the spirit stuff and dresses like Abraham Lincoln to seem civilized. Josey Wales saves this Navajo girl from some poor intentioned pilgrimS and brings her along, but on night #2 of this new trio he watches the 60+ year old Cherokee man and 15-20 year old Navajo girl totally getting it on and just watches mainly. UMMMMMMMMM age gap discourse MUCH!?!?

He saves another "pretty" blonde girl from being g*angr*aped, or at least he was thinking about saving her, but then cooler capitalist heads of the marauders started to prevail and they realized they could sell the girl for more "fresh". 20 horses are more valuable than ~9 nuts in this universe. Josey Wales does eventually save the blonde though and later passionately makes love to her and then attempts to leave the whole troupe first thing in the morning. :eyeroll emoji: I don't blame her though, homeboy really has it going on with the drip and rugged looks and coarse hands

The plot btw is just Josey Wales making friends and getting help from "common folk" while being better at pistol shooting than those moron redshirt Union soldiers, at a rate of he can take on 7 or 8 to 1 usually. Also the "Comanche" want to kill him too over something but he just rolls up to their camp and talks it out with "10 bears" and they took a blood oath of friendship. The end happens when the main bad guy Union officer finally surround Josey Wales with like 30 guys but then the blonde girl, old Cherokee man, young Navajo girl and some grandma have his back with rifles and they kill all the guys (again). Josey Wales did get shot though and just bleeds casually for the last 20 minutes. He also runs into his old war buddy who was also the turncoat snake that turned their battalion over and then watched them all be executed but instead everyone is like "That Josie Wales SURE IS dead right". Yeah, and I'm super straight :o

He rides off into the sunset still bleeding and it's kind of unclear if he's going to keep shooting at soldiers but I like to think it is kind of implied he has nothing else to live for and is going to go lie down peacefully and die like an elephant

4/5 cactus :cactus emoji: glad I watched
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Post #4: 25th Jan 2024 1:56 PM 
3:10 to Yuma (2007)

Russell Crowe is a good "philosopher" black hat but the star of this show is his beautiful butt buddy lieutenant Handsome Blonde Boy. Christian Bale is this loser rancher with debt and a tuberculosised kid and a whiny teenager. The bank burns his barn down bc dudes rock and the next day Russell "Ben Wade" Crowe steals his cattle to run interference while Handsome Blonde Boy and the gang train rob a Pinkerton carriage (reportedly for the 22nd time)

Christian Bale's whole thing is to be a good role model for his renegade teen so he negotiates with Ben Wade and gets his horses and cattle back plus some money for his trouble. Also he met up with the Pinkerton cavalry and helped save the main guy in charge of the carriage and tipped them off where to arrest Ben Wade. BEFORE they arrest "Coach" he comes onto some barmaid/singer and it seems nonconsensual but then later she is giggling while he "paints her like a French girl" and considers leaving with him to Mexico. Ben Wade's secret lil quirk is that he draws crazy good, he's freaking Rembrandt trapped in a cowboy costume. In his introduction he sketches a sick owl. The barmaid is never heard from again, we're supposed to find Wade "complicated" and an "antihero" but I am way more into the handsome brash blonde boy who spends the rest of the movie trying to unarrest Ben Wade who is being accompanied through the desert towards Yuma via way of Contention by the original Pinkerton guard who was shot, the doctor, Christian Bale and some losers who work for the railroad.

for some reason they're really lax with the prisoner rules, they let him eat and speak freely with just one set of loose fitting handcuffs adorned. Christian Bale's wife feeds Ben Wade and he steals a fork and kills one of the railroad goons. He also kills the Pinkerton guy finally and almost fully escapes but the teenage son shows up and saves the day. He kind of ADMIRES the black hat but Christian Bale is this giant loser with one leg who loves all that Christian shit that Ben Wade constantly shits on

There's a whole part where Ben Wade starts to *like* his captors and helps them escape an Apache attack and leads them past "the guys who built the railroads" but blonde boy is on the scent the whole time. Finally they do get holed up in Contention waiting for the 3:10 to Yuma (2007), Christian Bale is pretending he's putting himself in danger for money, but really he just has a hardon for pride and teaching his son right from wrong :eyeroll emoji:

Blonde Boy offers $200 to anyone who kills Ben Wade's captors so now there are like 50 guys vs. 4 and an acid tongued/handcuffed Russell Crowe, but then Blonde Boy has to kill most of the guys he hired bc they were a wild mob who were shooting just as much at Ben Wade. At some point Ben Wade decides he "wants" to be arrested so the moron kid can see his Dad being a hero but it's always implied that he'll be able to escape any time he wants regardless. The final shootout is ridiculous and Christian Bale does get Ben Wade on the train in the jail cell after the kid ran the cattle interference trick he learned in the First Act. Handsome Blonde Boy shoots Christian Bale a thousand times though and Ben Wade is free to go. HOWEVER the power of Christ and the Holy Spirit has maybe gotten to old black hat :) bc instead of fleeing with his crew he just shoots the rest of them including Handsome Blonde Boy (he was so good in this) and then he makes eye contact with the kid and walks back into the jail cell on the train. Again, it's implied he'll just escape again later and go back to being a hampsome smooth talking, train robbin murderer, I don't really believe he loves Jesus or anything by the end he just had respect for it. I liked the first half a lot more, considered giving this 3/5 cactii bc it wasn't strong throughout but on the back of Handsome Blonde Boy's performance I'll rate this 4/5 cactus

Post Edited by MrsAliceKramden @ 25th Jan 2024 1:59 PM
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Post #5: 7th Feb 2024 10:07 PM 
A Fistful of Dollars

First of the infamous DOLLARS trilogy lfggggggg

I liked this but didn't really love it! The Man With No Name is pretty sexy and grumbles a lot. Also he is pretty clearly called "Joe" at one point by the coffin man, although that may have just been an affectionate placeholder of a name like when I was growing up and my sisters called me "Shut Up" and "G*yH*m*F@gg*t". The pretend backdrop of the Mexican border while actually being filmed in Spain with Clint Eastwood and a bunch of I-talians is a pretty permanently funny scenario

The whole plot is this Hatfield/Mccoys type of fight where TMWNN is playing the middle for some cold. hard. cash. after he displays his sick gun skills and fairly mediocre gymnastics. Ramon Red's brother likes him and wants to use him as a killer against the Baxters aka McCoy's but first TMWNN watches them massacre a bunch of Mexicanos and he either goes on a pride streak or realizes he can make more money, I'm not really sure which. The runtime was barely over 90 minutes but it did drag a bit I thought

The weirdest part is when he and Pancho "Silvanito" Sanza drag 2 rotting Mexican corpses into the graveyard and lay them clearly dead as hell against a grave for future hijinks. They have definitely been dead for awhile but the con is to get the Hatfields to run to the graveyard to kill the alleged survivors, and the McCoy's run to the graveyard to save the 2 (long dead) soldiers to I guess testify against Ramona Red and his crew. While this ridiculous charade goes on Clint Eastwood goes back to town and robs the hell out of everyone. There's at least one woman that helps him who I think Ramon Red won in a card game but I was kind of confused every time there was a woman on screen tbh

Something with this woman leads to TMWNN being captured and tortured but then this hillbilly feud sparks up AGAIN this time in the town and he escapes in a coffin thanks to coffin man while chaos is ensuing. He's hiding out in a cave just chilling shooting guns at steel to see what happens when coffin man is like heyyyyyyyyy, so about our friend, Silvanito.....he's been captured.......it's kind of a whole thing going on

then the famous part happens when he shows up with the steel plate under his poncho and dares Ramon Red to shoot him in the heart and Ramon doesn't realize he has body armor even though he shoots him in the chest five times. Ramon is supposed to be soooo smart and savvy and the best rifle shot but he never thinks to shoot Clint Eastwood in the fucken head. Anyway, predictably, TMWNN pistol shoots Ramon's rifle and 4 of his besties. Lastly he shoots the rope they're hanging Silvanito by and challenges Ramon to a good ole, duel. Rifle vs. Pistol. some bullshit dialogue happens and Ramon gets shot and then Silvanito shoots the last Rojo. I think the McCoy's had already been massacred. Also the head McCoy was the town sheriff btw. Pretty shitty lawman when the only rules of the town are "Get Rich or You Will Die"

TMWNN rides off alone and Silvanito is like, "will you kill again" and he's like nahhh man being this fucken wealthy really changes your perspective. I guess he has another change of heart bc there are two more of these movies

3/5 cactus the score was really good

Post Edited by MrsAliceKramden @ 7th Feb 2024 10:10 PM
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Post #6: 7th Feb 2024 10:08 PM 
Apologies to all the loyal readers and Kramdenites out there for missing last week's Western. I am hopeful to double up with another this weekend or I will try to hit you with two next week. You deserve more from me it won't happen again

Post Edited by MrsAliceKramden @ 7th Feb 2024 10:41 PM
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Post #7: 12th Feb 2024 12:00 AM 


WE ARE SO FUCKEN BACK girlies

anyone who wants to get frickin Costner'd ur all invited to SMALLEYS THEATER IN DELPHI NY June 28 commemorative soda pop receptacles on me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Post #8: 13th Feb 2024 5:49 PM 
Blazing Saddles

I've been putting this off for years because I am so sick of hearing every exhausting Gen X Catboy doing the "yOu coUldn'T mAke BlaZinG SadDleS 2day Ps) :derp: ". I'm not enough of a dork to weigh in on the satirical casual racism discourse, but I will say this was good wholesome fun for the entire family :)

I do love the Mel Brooks catalogue, specifically Young Frankenstein but I find Spaceballs quite overrated. Cleavon Little steals the entire movie and Willy Wonka was much less a part of this than I would have thought. I do really like when he speaks gently however :0

The density of jokes per scene is insanely high and the scenery and music is great. Not sure what my favorite quip was but there were many. Both clever and physical, highly recommend

4/5 Cactus :cactus emoji: I only watched for the plot
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Post #9: 15th Feb 2024 5:39 PM 
Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid

I got my first girlfriend in 2015. We went on a single date and my initial thoughts were "I do not like this". However, she was VERY into me and this was the first time I had ever received any form of attention in my life. The second date was a similar vibe and the third time we ever hung out she tricked me into meeting her family and staying for "Sunday Dinner" and was introducing me as her boyfriend to her family and friends.

Finally a few months later we had our first "movie & chill" night. I could tell she fucking hated the movie right away so my attention shifted towards the chill aspect rather quickly. When things began to get more heated she got up quickly grabbed her phone and ran to the bathroom. I'm 99% sure she called a friend to ask for advice. She came back and explained if we did s-i-x she feared I would no longer have use for her and essentially ghost her. I was certainly understanding and willing to accept her boundaries but I was quite dispirited at how cold and unaffectionate she was in general while simultaneously lauding me as her future husband and soulmate to anyone who would listen.

I spent the next THREE (3) years trying to break up with her every few months, but every time she would cry and I would cave. She would pull the "can't live without you routine" and how difficult her life would be without me in it. I was extremely close to getting out of this hell in late 2017 but for some reason instead I adopted her a dog and invited her to move in with me.

Over the NEXT three (3) years I consistently spiraled downward and began to accept I was permanently trapped in this hellish existence. My impulsivity urges got out of control, my professional life nosedived and I was consumed by depression, addiction and self-sabotage. We began to fully resent one another and by January 2021 barely spoke or interacted despite living together. I was finally broken to the point where I no longer put up a facade and prominent issues had never been so glaring and harmful. The final straw finally came one February morning when she woke up for work and I was absolutely blasted drunk on a VC with my internet friends. When she began to confront I had a complete cavalier attitude and maniacally laughed in her face. She finally got the strength to pack her shit into garbage bags and leave my ass. While I miss the dog every single day watching her drive away remains one of the single happiest moments of my life, I was finally free.

That movie we tried to watch all those years ago was Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid. I finally gave this a proper viewing and it is a perfect movie. No notes. I would sit on Bob Redford's handlebars any day. For my money this the "Best Western"

5/5 cactus
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Post #10: 25th Feb 2024 8:02 AM 
The Power of the Dog

My first gay western

Phil and Fatso Todd from Breaking Bad are these pretty rich and rugged rancher boys in beautiful and world famous 1925 Montana. One night after driving cattle they are getting drunk with the crew and Phil starts berating the nancy boy teenage waiter. My favorite part in this western is when Peter the limp wristed waiter goes outside and starts aggressively hula hooping to deal with his anger and anxiety. His mom is in charge of the kitchen in this saloon and she starts crying because her husband hung himself and now she has a gay son in the World Wide Wild West. Fatso is really sweet and empathetic and winds up marrying her and bringing her and Peter to live in the mansion out on the brothers' farm.

HomoPhilbia obviously does not approve and does everything he can to be an unwelcoming host and embarrasses Kirsten "the wife" Dunst in front of the governor at a dinner party bc she fucken sucks at the piano and he is actually really gifted with a banjo. Philly also never shuts up about "Bronco Henry" the man who taught him how to be a rancher but died a long time ago. It's always pretty clear Phil was gay for Bronco, although according to my math Bronco was in his 50's and Phil was a teenager, so it must have been pretty hot when they were getting it on

Peter attempts to assimilate to ranch life but accidentally finds Phil's secret safe spot hidey hole and finds Phil's hidden box of 19th century gay drawings by Bronco. Then he finds Phil whacking off into Bronco's old hanky. Phil berates him and chases him away and you totally get to see Benedict Cumberbatch's (Phil) hot ass and at a different part you kinda see some cock. There's also a totally unnecessary scene where all the ranch-hands are bathing and you see soooooo many cowboy butts and a few good cocks

After this encounter though Phil's demeanor changes and he takes Peter under his wing and starts teaching him about riding horses and he braids him a rope which I assume is foreshadowing for later when he definitely is going to use it to tie up Peter for their implied super hot gay sex. Kirsten Dunst can't stand Phil because even though he is a repressed homosexual he is still generally awful towards women and there is no hope of that changing. She spends the rest of the film drinking herself into oblivion and Fatso basically disappears for the whole summer

In a drunken stupor I guess she sold some of Phil's cow hides to some Native Americans (who only Phil is racist towards) and he freaks the fuck out because he would rather burn them that let the NA have them. Fortunately Peter is like, "ohhhhh Phil I want to be like U sooo bad so I've actually been riding the countryside on my own and have some hides of my own". And then Phil takes him to look at some mountain and Peter is like "it looks like a barking dog" and Phil says "Wooooowwwwww other than me the only cat that's been able to see that dog in this here mountain is OLE BRONCO HENRY"

That night Phil is finishing the rope and Peter smokes his first cigarette and they share it and totally get it on. Worth noting that Phil has this nasty open wound on his hand bc he is *tough* and refuses to wear gloves when he works and got a bad splinter whilst frolicking with Peter. So I guess they banged, they dont show insertion or anything so idk exactly what the roles were but the rope was 100p involved

Phil suddenly just fucking dies the next morning and Fatso finally resurfaces and brings him to *DONG* The Undertaker who tells Fatso it was probably anthrax. Turns out Peter doesn't know wtfuck he's doing when skinning hides and gutted a diseased cow and gave his brand new best friend and lover a rotten anthrax ridden hide

3/5 cactus I liked it, it was a little slow and the synopsis said "the unexpected happens" but I thought it was very obvious HomoPhilbic was repressed from the very first time he mentioned that he was longing for "Bronco" even though I had no idea this was a gay Western

I liked it
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Post #11: 29th Feb 2024 2:56 AM 
Unforgiven

movie about alcoholism. Had to sit with this one for a day because it was an interesting story but didn't leave much on impact

seemed like a movie for "frat boys" to completely miss the messaging but still quote and slap their dicks around. I wonder what my 18 year old Gran Torino loving self would have thought about this

Harlot laughs at a cowboy for having a small pecker so he takes his knife and slashes her face and cuts her tits off. Gene Hackman is the sheriff and makes it alright as long as the cowboys give the proprietor of the establishment some horses the next spring. The rest of the brothel ladies pool their money together and offer a "bounty" for the knifey cowboy and his buddy

William Munny was "once" the most feared killer but became domesticated and then his wife freaking died so now he is just a crappy hog farmer with kids. Fresh faced brat "The Schofield Kid" tries to recruit him for the bounty but Clint Eastwood just growls at him and is like, Martha or whatever my wife was named cured me all of that. Plus I was drunk always when I killed. He changes his mind a few hours later and tries to catch up with the Schofield Kid but first picks up Ned (Morgan Freeman) who is married(?) to a quiet NA short lady but they start riding and all he talks about is drinking and whores

Turns out the Schofield Kid is blind and also has never shot anyone

Best part is this weird saga in the middle when "English Bob" who talks about how shooting McKinley is cool but nobody would ever shoot the queen. He has a lil bitch biographer with him and they show up to collect the bounty but Gene Hackman beats them up and soapboxes about what it means to be tough. The biographer stays to hang with Hackman and English Bob gets sent away bloodied in a carriage. He was funny, but the sheriff doesn't want anyone to collect the bounty bc he already deliberated and punished the cowboys for their sins

William Munny & co. come to the whorehouse and Morgan Freeman goes to start getting it on but then Sheriff Hackman antagonizes MONEY over whether he's drunk or not. Lots of waffling about being drunk. Munny gets beat up for holding pistols. Later he gets back with his friends and then they eventually do find and shoot the cowboys and get the money but Morgan Freeman was captured and beat to death and displayed outside the brothel. Clint Eastwood does the classic Clint Eastwood "doubles back for a friend" and does the big scene where he drinks whiskey again and starts growling and he's a tough killer and murders like 10 guys including the Sheriff and spouts all of the famous "badass" quotes that the toxic bros would love. He loves his dead wife the whole time though I think. Schofeild Kid gets drunk too and regrets killing a guy

idk, it was whatever. This beat "Scent of a Woman" for Best Picture which I saw and liked but I was also 18 then so who knows

3/5 cactus, good viewing and it was different from the usual tropes but this largely didn't do as much for me as I would have hoped. I liked English Bob

Post Edited by MrsAliceKramden @ 29th Feb 2024 3:02 AM
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Post #12: 9th Mar 2024 9:39 PM 
Open Range

I didn't like the shit all over Kevin Costern's chin and I also didn't like that the movie named Open Range about free range cattle drivers wound up taking place mostly just on the one street in this one shitty town

Really beautiful and cool opening scenes especially with the guy who is Teenage Dan Connor in that 1 ep of Roseanne and that handsome boy from the Rogue One movie. they play cards and wrestle with the doggy but big hairy Mose disappears when he goes into town for supplies but turns out he got the shit beat out of him...I don't remember by who. But the point of the movie is the LAW IS CORRUPT. I had to do a fantasy baseball draft during this so my memory is scattered but THE LAW IS CORRUPT

Robert Duvall is the "boss" of this lil free range outfit with the Cost-Man as his lieutenant so they have to go get Mose from the jail and bring him to the doctor and KC gets THOSE EYES for the doctors wife, but later it's a big reveal that thankfully she is just the doctor's sister, so he is free to continue his lust and they keep bringing injured boys to see the doc so he can hit on her some more. Obviously at the end they get together and will marry and run the general store that Robert Duvall "Boss" buys after they have this 30 minute shootout in the town. I didn't understand any of why the town and THE LAW hated Boss Duval and Costner so much, the best I can reckon is they didn't like their "Open Range lifestyle". Was that ever a type of racism?

big hairy Mose got shot in the head too at one point and the bad guys in ski masks killed the dog. Diego Rogue One was good in this but he was unconscious more than half the time.

"Cows is one thing," he says, "but one man telling another man where he can go in this country is something else." That about sums it up for me

3/5 cactus because the first 10 minutes had really great scenery and there was some good spitting and Cost-nasty voice overing

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Post #13: 19th Apr 2024 9:54 PM 
Hostiles



Twink Wonka was in this for a hot second, go check that out if you haven't already. Jesse Plemons and obv Christian Bale again too. This was a real Cowboys and Indians tale which I like and am into, but this mostly didn't do it for me. Pretty blonde woman has her husband and kids killed by Comanche stop me if you've heard this love story before

Christian Bale is this "famous" army guy who hates all Native Americans and he loves killen 'em, and arrestin 'um, and doesn't think they're people. One time I had a dog climb into a kayak and it was like "he thinks he's people" :hehe:. I guess that is how Chrsitan Bale felt when he saw "Yellow Hawk" trying to eat his rice patty

So the army tells Christian Bale, "Blocker", that he must escort Yellow Hawk (dying of cancer YOLO) and his f*cked up little family all the way to Montana (by way of NEW MEXICO) and he's like NO and they're like "ur famous but we'll take ur pension" so then he takes Yellow Hawk and his party and Twink Wonka and Todd from Breaking Bad and some other guys and trek

Blocker tries to knife fight Yellow Hawk but he won't

"of course" they happened on Pretty Blonde Woman, who doesn't talk much but has hate in her eyes for the Red Guys. Most of the rest of this movie blends together for me, there is A LOT of killing. Twink Wonka died first and the black guy second. They uncuffed Yellow Hawk to help defend their camp but instead he sneaks away in the middle of the might and murders like, ALL the Comanche.

They have a pitstop in Colorado and try to arrange to send Pretty Blonde Woman back East but she wants to hang with the Bale-man instead. Also now they are also transporting a prisoner,,,,,,ginger ass dude who SLAPPed in the next Western I'll review,,,,,

Pretty Blonde Woman and Elk Woman get captured and raped after leaving camp. I got confused at the next part, they hunt and kill the rapists, but also the rest of the good Army guys mostly die, and then they killed the prisoner deserter man bc he gets off on killing Native Americans and then asking for MERCY. Also one of the army men killed themselves

The point of this movie, I think, is there are no Good and Bad guys. You need to learn to live with your actions and your past and it is never too late to learn and grow for the better. Ultimately you need to be able to close your eyes at night, look yourself in the mirror and go on. To Montana or whatever. Also it;'s about the decades of hostile colonial warfare and the effects on the Natives.......but....you know. Growth, also.

They do get to Montana and Yellow Hawk DIES from his fucking cancered ass, so then the NIMBYs show up to protest his burial ground. The white landowners spit on Christian Bale's orders from President Harrison and some more crazy ass gunfighting happens. Everyone dies but Blocker, Pretty Blonde Woman and ONE (1) of Yello Hawk's children. Oh also Pretty Blonde Woman hates the Comanche so fucking much. She killed one and then got a revolver and shot him six more times bc FUUUUCKKKK You


The three left standing all went to Chicago on a train or something. It was obv they wanted to bang even though they weren't a couple yet I think the last shot was supposed to be CBALE deciding to go w/ them

idk what to rate this. I want to give it 2/5 cactus bc I just....wasn't "IN" 2it. But the scenery was incredible and I found its take on "Native Americans" to be bold, fair and potentially accurate. There was a lot of nuance from individual Cheyennes, and the "atrocities" were clear. But also it was clear that like, hey, the Comanche are f***ing dicks guys

They spoke a ton of Cheyenne without subtitles. bro I am not trying to interpret this convo based on vibes, just tell me what they're saying I'm trying to eat Zebra Cakes

Anyway, 3/5 cactus good movie but not quite my tea bag
Let them eat MrsAliceKramden
   
MrsAliceKramden
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Post #14: 19th Apr 2024 9:58 PM 
guy who keeps PMing me NEXT WESTERN PLS,,,,,,,,,,, Can. honestly get fuck*d I have a backlog of westerns I'm dumping on ur asses this weekend
Let them eat MrsAliceKramden
   
Herm
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Post #15: 20th Apr 2024 8:31 PM 
Please watch Brokeback Mountain for me.
 
   
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