Just an FYI this statement is going to be pretty stream of consciousness so y'all are just gonna have to deal with that if you want my vote, soz :\ and I probably will come off as a complete ass.

Hey guys, so I'm going to be pretty blunt, or maybe brusque is a better word. I have a few statements and maybe even questions for you based on the stuff that I've glimpsed in the jury chat and ponderosa that might have been taken out of context but oh well.

ERIK

I had this whole big thing typed out for you but then I realized it wasn't worth the time or energy. However, I just want to tell you, take this FTC as a learning experience. It might get a negative at times but in the end there will hopefully be some lessons learned. I have a question and a statement for you. They're going to be blunt and mean. So let's begin. Drop the I was UTR and made a lot of moves behind the scenes shtick because it's simply not true. I hope you look retrospectively look back on the pre-merge and realize that almost everything you did was OTT and nobody fell for your *tricks*. To be honest you say you had yourself pretty well set up, and if you consider making connections with people who planned to use you as their FTC goat to be set up pretty well then I guess you were. First question right here. I want you to give me specific examples of how you were UTR in the game. How you intentionally alligned and influenced people to do what you wanted? Both premerge and merge phase please. Another quick statement is I want you to own your game. There are times where you wanted to have your cake and eat it too. What I mean by that is you wanted to play the "nice guy" but then you also wanted to "make moves" and after your "moves" either failed or worked you complained about the consequences. The biggest example that comes to mind is when I heard and I'm pretty sure you complained to me too after making that move against Stephen and Kim. However my next question isn't about that it's this. You claim to have made moves along the way, but I personally fail to see them. Give me examples of moves, if any at all, that YOU and YOU ALONE made to better YOUR game. Tell me about a move that YOU enacted, YOU used your social connections to execute. Finally, I'm going to admit, I'm a little peeved to see your OS. not only do I think it's unaware, but the fact that you brush me aside so quick irks me to say the least. The one who had to deal most with you going crazy about having no solid alliance. The one who had to go and talk to Kamanda after you jumped the gun trying to create an alliance with her. The one you always HAD to mention when talking about who you were aligned with, with other people. So forgive me if I'm angry when I personally feel you completely undercredit me by not even putting me as an "ally" in your opening statement. Considering how I saved your ass consistently pre-merge I think a little more recognition is due. So my final question for you is this, under the people you listed as "allies" and "ties" I want you to list how each person you listed helped you get through the game. Actually scratch that I want you to tell me how your "allies" protected you and how you "used" your "ties." I want you to own the fact that you were protected by people and how you used people. However, if when I read your answer I feel like you're just bs'ing me or not telling complete truths then you lose my vote.

TL;DR (However, you should read this whole paragraph because I will be able to tell by your answers if you don't"

1. Tell me how you were strategically UTR and how you influenced your "shields" to act in your interest like you claim.

2. Tell me about a move that you alone enacted and how you used your "resources" to do it.

3. The people you listed under "allies" tell how they protected you in this game. The people you listed under "ties" tell me how you used them.

Despite this whole statement you really do have a chance at my vote and you're not last on my list of who to vote so I really urge you to read this.

Girls I'll have a separate post for you

Jerri and Kamanda I didn't really have as much as a relationship with you girls so I have briefer statements for you.

Jerri: I honestly think you made smarter moves than Amanda, however you didn't have nearly a big a target entering this game due to your prejuror status in EPic 3. In addition, I believe social game plays a big factor in ORGs so why should I vote for you when you weren't all that social too. Finally, I'm still scratching my head at you taking Amanada, I get your reasoning but still...

Kamanda: I completely respect how you managed to survive to the end with such a big target in this game. In addition you were one of the people I genuinely enjoyed talking to about non game stuff. However, I don't personally agree with how you made moves and I think you burned bridges just like EPic 3. My biggest qualm with you is like other people have mentioned, there was a time in this game where you were inactive and your allies whether they be from before the game or made in the game carried you through a few rounds. The part that irks me the most is that I didn't have that same sort of network you had, so call it jealousy if you may. The only pre game connection I had in this game was Sierra, and we didn't even really align until the second or third round. So how do I award you my vote when you were part of a group that gathered people, not just who had played this series before, but series newbs as well in order to make your time in this game easier. I get the whole "Allstars" mentality. But those games are all returning players and that is not the case for this game. It really ruins the whole alias part of this game. I don't want the excuse of everyone in ORGs knows each other either because then by that logic prgaming is acceptable in all alias games. I adored personally people like Kim, Stephen, and you; but overall it really just left a poor taste in my mouth.

So I don't have individual questions bc I'm boring. Those statements were more me just speaking my mind.

My request/question to both is to give me a basic rundown of the strategy you had for every merge round.

Actually I have another request to both of you and I'm totally stealing this from another game but I think it's totally relevant to this game. I want both of you to give heartfelt statements to two people on the jury. NO BS, NO jury pandering, NO gamebotting. I want raw emotion from you guys. It's up to you who to address it to. I think that often times emotions and playing these games get entangled and we hide behind these characters. I'd love vidoes but I'm being realistic in the thinking that those won't happen but yeah. Like with Erik, if I smell BS you lose my vote.

Erik I also want you to do the statement think that I asked the girls to do. Thanks.

First question right here. I want you to give me specific examples of how you were UTR in the game. How you intentionally alligned and influenced people to do what you wanted? Both premerge and merge phase please.

Maybe I phrased it wrong. Up until the first tribe swap, I was fairly UTR. I went along with what Kim, Eric, Kmanda, and Stephen said. I knew I was on the outside with them, but when I did try to flip the tables, Sundra was nowhere to be found, so I had to just go with the flow and gamble with time. After that move and before the jury, I wasn't UTR. I was a target for quite a few rounds after that. I wasn't a target at first on the new merged tribes, but it was clear I was next to go after you. Come merge, everyone started pointing the guns towards each other, with the Kim vote, the Mike vote, the Sierra vote, etc. After that, a lot of people had already established me as a goat, and there were still a few threats left, so they were bound to target each other. I guess my personality wasn't UTR, but there were tons of threats that were bound to start shooting at each other.

You claim to have made moves along the way, but I personally fail to see them. Give me examples of moves, if any at all, that YOU and YOU ALONE made to better YOUR game. Tell me about a move that YOU enacted, YOU used your social connections to execute.

After the tribe's initially switched into three tribes of 7, I was on with Kim, Stephen, Dolly, Kelly, Zmanda, Sierra, and myself. We had to vote out two people, and Kmanda and Kim were saying Dolly/Kelly. I had been talking with Dolly for a while, and I obviously didn't want her gone, and I was really starting to connect with Kelly, and I thought that it would be better to keep those two around and have two probably strong allies and start dissolving an alliance that I thought I was on the outs on. I figured everyone else was going to target that pregame alliance too, so I went for it.

To be faor, Kim came to me for the alliance, so in hindsight, this probably shouldn't be something that I list as my move.

Then, the Mike boot. The alliance between myself, Jerri, Heather, Mike, and Eric was not my idea. But I was the one that was pushing to vote out Jeremiah. In my mind, I thought that myself, Eric, and Mike could all play the middle together. We were set up well enough to, and the only other wildcard that we had left was Jeremiah, and so I brought that up to Eric, he agreed, and I pushed hard to get Jeremiah out to hopefully land us three in a good position. Obviously that didn't play out, but if it did, I think that us three would be in a hell of a position for the rest of the game. Finally, after I was taken off of the chopping block, I figured that the best chance that I had to win was against Jeremiah and Heather. I already had pretty decent ties with Heather, so I pitched Jeremiah that the best chance that we had to win was against each other. Now, that alliance was panning out decently well until Jerri went on an immunity streak and took out Jeremiah. I thought that him and Kmanda were working together, but I didn't know the extent, and if that vote played out, I might be sitting here with Jeremiah and Heather. But probably not. Everyone has their own agenda.

So my final question for you is this, under the people you listed as "allies" and "ties" I want you to list how each person you listed helped you get through the game. Actually scratch that I want you to tell me how your "allies" protected you and how you "used" your "ties."

Coming off of my last game, there were a few people right off of the bat that I knew from the last ORG that I played. It was us 4 at first (before Eric was kidnapped), and then five. We kept things under wraps for a few votes and then we were able to have a clean majority. They all helped me through the first part of the game. Through the second part, after the fuckery of the first swap, I had Yul, Zmanda, and Dolly on my new tribe, and we all were on the bottom, so we were forced to work together. When I was seemingly out of options and scrambled all day after Yul won immunity, Yul mentioned that something was happening, and Zmanda eventually mentioned that she was working on giving me an idol. She, along with you, Sierra, and Heather, saved my ass that round, where I would no doubt be voted out if it wasn't for you guys. Then Yul became a captain for new tribes, and picked you and Jeremiah as my tribe mates. I didn't talk much with Jeremiah beforehand, but I had great ties with you, and great ties with Yul, and if Kim's team lost, we had Sundra. If Ronnie's team lost, we had Jerri possibly and Heather possibly. Unfortunately, Jeremiah was a double agent and Yul was convinced that he wasn't, which led to yours and Yul's exits. The nextra round, I probably would have been voted out if it wasn't for our tribe getting immunity. Come merge, I had Kim, Heather, Jerri, Sierra, Zmanda, and Sundra who all (from my perspective) wanted to work with me. So I wasn't going anywhere for the first few votes. Ronnie was voted out, then Sundra & Monica, then Mike, and after the Mike boot, I now had Eric to work with. Sure, my ties with Sierra, Jerri, Heather, and Zmanda were all a bit severed, but I still worked with everyone of those people on something in the future, whether it was Zmanda saving me, Voting with Sierra for the HoH nominations, working with Jerri and Heather for the last few votes, and even finding a decent relationship with Kmanda in the process. Then they all started pointing at each other, and I was able to dodge most of the bullets as they flew across the battlefield (I took a few metaphorical hits). And by then, people knew that they could beat me, so they kept me around. I hope that answers your questions.

I know I neglected to mention you in my opening statement, and I understand your frustration. That was shitty of me to do after how close I felt we were for a while and you were very important in both dealing with my constant bitching about 'bad luck' and about my job, and in having a solid ally, and I don't know how it crossed my mind that you were the opposite. So man to man, I'm sorry. You deserve a fucking Nobel Peace Prize for putting up with me. Everyone does. Especially Abi.

Also, I'll get to the statement that you asked the girls in just a moment.

...


FUCK, I WAS EXPLAINING EVERY MERGE ROUND, AND I ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE BACK BUTTON ON MY PHONE, GODDAMMIT. I'll try that again tomorrow.

As for the heartfelt statements, I'll do those right now.

Eric. I really, really fucked up, man. I should have been with you until the end. We were the bottom of the barrel after Mike's boot, and what do I do? I turn my back on you. Fucking of course I do, because when you put your position in the game on the line at the chance to protect me, it only makes sense that when someone offers a way out, I jump on it and vote for you instead. I should have done better, man. I shouldn't have kept my word. This is a game about breaking promises, and I broke the one that mattered most at the time! That says a lot about you and a lot about me. I know your past reputation was cutthroat, but I should have trusted you. And I didn't. All because of an online game. Here, I can prove that I'm actually a good guy and give myself some sort of personal redemption, because holy fuck do I fucking hate myself. I hid behind the reasoning of, "It's just a game and I need to keep a promise," only to break one in the process and lose at least a jury vote, probably a lot more than that. I fucked up, man. I legitimately loved talking with you, about fallout, about strategy, about how much we hated Jerri and Heather for turning against us. And I threw away a possible friend just to get one step further in an online game. What does that say about me? It says I'm a shitty person. I'm erratic, I'm condescending, I'm ignorant, I'm an asshole, I'm paranoid, I'm rude, and I'm the kind of person who wants to do things and not deal with the consequences. If I was given the chance, I would redo that whole round over again. This might come off as bullshit, or pandering, but I'm being sincere, whether all of you see that or not. I'm sorry, man. I hope we can talk about it after this over and sTay in touch.

Kim. Chances are strong that what I tell you won't even come near to the quality of what Kmanda will probably tell you, but I'm okay with that. You're definitely one of the coolest people I've ever talked to online. You're genuine, you're sweet, you have a great sense of humor, and you're just a really kind, honorable person. I have a lot of respect for you. That being said, the sour note that ended our relationship was fucking disgusting on my end. I was planning on backstabbing you, and I wasn't even honest about it. I had a shitty excuse to duck out behind your back, and you, at the very least, deserved an honest, "I'm voting for you," answer. And I didn't give you that. I took a dump on the floor and expected you to grab it and set it up as a prized trophy in your house. I tried to follow it up with a lame excuse for an apology, one that was instantly and understandably brushed off. But the connection we had... staying up late (well, not really, it was night shifts for me and daytime for you) and talking made my job bearable. You are a wonderful person and a great player, and I really, really hope I can make it up to you somehow. I thought we had an actual friendship blossoming, and I don't want that to be thrown in the trash just because of my ineptitude.

From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry to both of you. I'm seriously hoping that we can make up and talk again. What I did was just dumb. And I'm asking, as friends, to forgive me, and I totally understand if you think this comes off as disingenuous, or like it's just an act. I probably would too.

Two notes have been added. I'll come back to my step by step later. It's like dying after not saving for 5 hours in Fallout.

what is "I mean humans are a lot of meat" supposed to mean? are you a cannibal, Michelle?

Cannibals are not allowed here...

Cannibals are godless and unholy...

Kim Powers @ 24/8/2015 6:43

Cannibals are godless and unholy...

Kim Powers @ 24/8/2015 7:50

what is "I mean humans are a lot of meat" supposed to mean? are you a cannibal, Michelle?

We were talking about my desire to eat men

Hey Michelle! Thanks for the social compliment, I also did personally enjoy talking to you and especially geeking out about Good and Evil. Being a returnee from a season where I came so close to making it to the end definately SEEMED like it could be tough, but weirdly I think it helped me? I think it helped people sympathize and want to help bring me to this FTC and NOT give me another final juror placement. That could be conceited of me, but just throwing it out there. I think my game in epic 3 being known for being very bridge burny (although I DO think I got a LITTLE too much flak for that) may have been a factor, especially after seeing the events of this game play out (where once again I DID NOT handle some boots well but I didn't THINK I necessarily turned so many people off to simply considering voting for me in an FTC).

As far as the social connections and networking stuff, I DO understand it is an advantage, and I happen to have some really good friends who happen to be really good players, so I do know that I benefited from it. But at the same time, should I really be penalized for that? In this game alias stuff was sorta out of my control considering I am a returnee, and I've talked about my Kmanda game in epic when poking fun at my final juror tendencies. Hell I used my personal aim for this game because I knew hiding my alias was going to do no good. I also can't really control recognizing people who I'm good frends with, like Kim and Stephen who both came in as fans. I really do understand where you are coming from with not liking my pre-game relationships because it can be seen as an advantage, but I just don't see it as something I can really control and therefore it seems weird to penalize me for it, at least imo. Others have come into this game with pregame connections but I happen to be the one at the end.

Strategy for every merge round:

Ronnie - once random.org gave out those bottles I knew we were in for a heap of trouble. At this point Mike had pretty much said straight up that Jerri and Heather were most likely working with Zamanda and Sierra. Now luckily I had pretty decent connections with them so I wasn't going to be their target for this round where they got to nullify 2 votes against them AND have an additional triple vote in their corner. Basically, there was almost no way to spin this where someone in the Twisted (&Mike) alliance didn't get eliminated. The main targets were indeed Eric and Ronnie, because they had the worst connections with Sierra and Zmanda. I was closer to Eric so I of course didn't want to see him go, which pretty much just left Ronnie. Their plan was to split the vote between Eric and Ronnie. This pretty much just left the option of voting for Ronnie so Eric wouldn't need Mike's idol played on him to save him. I did feel like kind of a scumbag doing it (and it won't be the last time for this game) but I felt like it needed to be done in order to protect a closer ally.

Monica - this round was another case of the twisted ship sinking thanks to the magic that was random.org and the fact that it was looking like an obvious grouping. The auction didn't yield amazing stuff for me (I won a disadvantage but never used it, whoops. And my classic crate #5 of course decided to have the HoH in it the one time I don't bid everything on it). It resulted in Monica and Mike being nominated by Sierra, with me being her backup nomination, which was understandable considering I didn't have an amazing relationship with her, but it was definitely better than Mike's and Monica's. Kim of course was nominated by Heather who was the MVP. However once again the best case scenario was hoping one ally falls with the hope that my closer one stays in. That ended up being the case, although that wasn't exactly because of me but more because Monica being in the game just seemed kinda wrong when she was being so inactive.

Mike - so initial plan was to just take out Erik, someone who I didn't have a great relationship with and I figured would probably be against me. The plan was pretty set until Jerri ended up using that exile in Zamanda, which I thought was a little weird. I MOSTLY thought it was odd because if she really wanted Mike and Eric to vote with them, then the best bet would be to ask them to vote for Zamanda, whom they dislike, rather than someone like Kim who they were both aligned with. Instead Eric and Mike wanted to target Jeremiah, which I ended up telling him. From there Sierra ended up forming a group to take out Mike for that round, which Jeremiah had told me. I saw the info and realized that Mike has been getting sketchier and sketchier up until this point, telling Heather everything we are telling him who in turn probably tells Jerri and Sierra. So I didn't really mind and let the vote happen. Did I have time to warn Mike about the vote going to him and have him use his idol? Yes of course, but I didn't want to lose Jeremiah, who I trusted more than Mike.

Sierra - after the planning of the Mike blindside it was apparent that Sierra had a LOT of power and some really solid connections. There needed to be a way to stop that so I tried to be the one to bring up voting her out for that round. Jeremiah agreed as did Kim. It was also discovered that there was a leak in the group chat we had with Sierra so that info was used to get Zamanda involved in the vote, ideally so she wouldn't be mad we turned on her to vote out Sierra. Eric had brought up that Jerri and Heather were trying to get him to vote Zamanda, and that he was really considering it. At this point I wanted to continue working with Zamanda and I didn't really want to see her go, so I tried to convince Eric to vote with us for Sierra instead, and it ended up working out. Almost.

Eric - I can tell you one thing, my goal certainly wasn't to get Eric out. I was hoping that one of Erik, Heather, or Jerri could get eliminated because I hadn't really worked with them much and didn't trust them (super ironic I know). Jeremiah had said he was probably going to nom Erik and it was assumed that Jerri was nomming Kim. After my (seemingly) 8th second place finish in a challenge, I was put up in the place of Kim. I REALLY did not want to see Eric go, but eventually it got to the point where it was either Eric going or I would go, because Zamanda would probably be able to get the votes against me if I was showing my loyalty to Eric over her. At that point I knew I had no choice but to agree to a finals deal her and Kim tried to make with me so I could avoid being booted this round. 

Kim - I went into this round without a solid strategy or idea. I was conflicted about working with Kim and Zamanda who I just made a deal I felt forced into, or Jerri, Heather, and Erik, who up until this point didn't seem super relevant game wise and I didn't feel a strong connection to. Well as the round went on I think I finally came to terms with the fact that if I wanted a chance to win, then this round would probably be the best time to vote out one of Kim or Zamanda. I figured this because Erik was their target and I felt like my best/only chance of winning in the end with some combo of Erik, Jerri, and Heather in the end with me. I talked to Jeremiah about voting Kim and he agreed. Jerri and Heather initially asked me to vote Zamanda but I told them that I knew they really wanted to vote Kim, and that I would do it. So it happened.

Jeremiah - strategy going into this was trying to win that challenge to guarantee safety, even though Jerri had promised the round before she was willing to give me her hidden immunity idol if I was not safe for the round. Well that didn't work after ANOTHER 2nd place finish, and Jerri winning. Figured the best thing to do would be to try getting rid of Zamanda. At this point she had been attacking me a lot in public and I DID actually try to use that to my advantage a bit. I think this helped me get a lot closer to Erik and made him feel more separate from Zamanda. I was never close to Erik but I knew he didn't like Heather and now he doesn't like Zamanda, so that's 2 people he would vote for over me. Well I still didn't trust him or Heather to vote Zamanda due to their vote throwing tendencies so Jeremiah and I decided we should all just vote Zamanda just in case. Well obviously that didn't work out and Jeremiah got eliminated. I knew he was going to be a bigger threat than me so I wasn't TOTALLY worried about being targeted over him, which was one of the reasons why I wanted to take him pretty far. When my gamebot side started to show up, I knew that I couldn't bring Jeremiah to the end because he was on the right side of so many flips. Him going wasn't GOOD by any means, but it could have been way worse and in the end probably even helped me.

Zamanda - main goal was to vote out Zamanda, and it was achieved. Heather had also told me that she was considering to vote out Jerri for this round, which I did consider and thought was an interesting idea. I didn't think I would end up doing it, but I never ended up considering it anyway because she won immunity. Here it was easy as Zamanda being the biggest jury threat left and not being very well liked by the remaining people in the game. I also told Jerri this round Heather tried to target her, to solidify that they would be against each other in the F4 instead of me in case I didn't win immunity.

Heather - the plan was to win immunity and probably vote out Jerri. She was the biggest threat left and I didn't make it this far being super cut-throat and gamebotty just to stay true to one word in the end and potentially throw my game away. Well eff Spanish lol, because she won immunity again. This was when I knew I needed to solidify something with Erik. I figured I would be able to take Hearher in a tiebreaker under normal circumstances, but I was leaving to go out into the woods and didn't know how well I would be able to do a challenge. So I went to Erik playing down the fact Jerri may vote to keep me into the game and promised him I would vote for him on the jury and try to campaign for him if he voted for Heather this round. This seemed to be enough for him to vote for me, so I solidified a TB at the worst. I was worried Jerri would vote me out because she had every reason to, but I figured it would be bizarre of her to lie to me when there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to make sure she was ok with voting Heather, she was, especially after she tried to target Jerri the round before, and it all worked out to the point that I am here today.
 

As far as your heartfelt speeches, being FORCED to give one isn't exactly ideal but honesty I don't mind because I do have some things I want to get off my chest to people. It'd be too "easy" to select Kim as one of my statements because I've done a lot of them and tbh I'll probably be doing more in her jury thread. But I do still want to talk to one really close ally who I don't give enough credit to when talking to him, and someone else who this game I didn't have much of a time to connect with but someone I do genuinely enjoy as a person.

I would totally do a video btw but I won't have a computer until REALLY close to the FTC deadline so I don't think I'll be able to do that for you. 

Eric - We tried SOOO hard to be chill-town lol. You are honestly one of the greatest friends I have in the ORG-verse in general so I just want to thank you for that right off the bat. We do talk a lot and it's easy to relate because we are really similar people. You are pretty much the reason why I am expanding my TV horizons and watching BB right now, which I have been thoroughly enjoying as of late. In the game we were so incredibly close and I can't thank you enough for keeping me in the loop about all the happenings of the rounds I was away. On a game level you were able to keep my head straight with my eyes on the prize for a long time, even when I expressed doubts. That encouragement really did help me out a lot in this game. We really DO talk a lot and at this point have played in a number of games together, and whenever we align we tend to wreck shop. EpicSbb 3 was run a lot by Amandric where we ended up being the center of attention (although you were rightfully the one getting credit for being a major force in making them). Voting you out definitely would not have been easy and I'm sorta half glad I never had to think about the possibility, especially after what happened with the Kim round. However it was still really awful to see you go and it was a major turning point in this game for me, which I'm sure you are well aware of. I just want to say thanks for being there for me, especially when I was in some of my most confused states. When I voted out Kim you were there to comfort me and just say that everything was fine, and you and everyone else who did that for me ended up helping a LOT.

Yul- while Amandric ruled for a lot of Epic 3, it was Yulmanda that was the obvious power couple thought the season. You were the very first person I was ever super close to in my ORG career, so I will always remember and thank you for that (Chelsea and Dave 4 ever). It was so fun playing in my first game with you and we really were an awesome team. I was devastated to have been eliminated from there but I tried to move on to the next game that had open spots, which happened to be epic. I was THRILLED to see you would be playing there too as Yul. It just sorta worked out where we got to work together again but this time for a longer period of time. We talked every day in each of those games and grew pretty close as people. Recently I feel like we just don't talk and we don't really work together in games as much, so it's hard to have that exact same strong relationship. You know I love you as a person and that I really do appreciate talking to you about whatever the hell is going on. Even though in this game we were never really aligned and honestly hardly every talked game, I really really do appreciate that you were still rooting me on. I know this game version of me doesn't quite resemble the real one, but in the end I am who I am and I can't do anything but embrace it at that moment. Thanks again for pretty much just being a great guy and being there in seemingly all the games I play, whether we work together or not. Not sure if you noticed but I have even tried using the terms "Kamanda" and "Zamanda" instead of "Kmanda" and "Zmanda" just for you ;)

Okay, step by step analysis this time.

Ronnie's boot- coming out of the gate, I had decent enough connections with some people on both sides to have a fair enough gauge on where the vote was going. I had Kim on one side, and there was the counter-alliance that was set up between me, Jerri, Sierra, Zmanda, and Sundra. I had a decent relationship with Heather. Come vote time, it goes split between Eric and Ronnie. Kim told me that she was planning on voting Ronnie with Kmanda, and I think Sierra said the same thing to the Outcasts. But a few votes were still sent towards Eric in case of an idol while everyone else voted for Ronnie. Ronnie goes home, not much to it. Sundra gets booted for inactivity, and although that sucks, we still have a lot of wiggle room.

Monica's boot- Another boot that was fairly straightforward. Jerri and Heather seemed to be pushing pretty hard for Kim or Kmanda, but a lot of us didn't want Kim nominated, so Mike is nominated (get rid of the veto) along with Monica, who most of us agreed with, and IIRC, I put her name out there. Not really sure. Kmanda and Kim are then put up, but obviously everyone is dead set on Monica because of her inactivity and their ties with Kim, so Monica goes home.

Mike's boot- Jerri makes a plea in the tribal thread to get rid of someone like Kim or heavily connected to her. She tells me that Heather is on board, Eric will be on board and he can rope in Mike, and since the only person who talked with me about the vote was Zmanda, who was exiled, I jumped on board with Jerri. In that moment, I figured that there were a few people who had ties with both sides: Eric, Mike, Jeremiah, and myself. Three on those people were now somewhat close with me due to circumstance, so I pitch an idea to Eric. Me, him, and Mike align as people who can play the middle ground. We target Jeremiah, who is the last remaining person in a similar state as us and vote him out so that we have complete control over no man's land, and therefore, can control how both armies fight each other in the trenches. It was set on Jeremiah, Jerri and Heather agree to it, everything looks good. Eric tells me that Mike doesn't actually have an idol and that he's been bluffing just to get a target off of his back and that he's saying this to build trust between us three. Jerri and Heather go behind our backs after just making a deal with us to get rid of Jeremiah, convinced that Mike has an idol and that they can flush it out. Me and Eric are left, both on the bottom after a failed move.

Sierra's boot- Coming off of the last vote, my relationship with Kim was still there. Her and Kmanda have been thinking of blindsiding Sierra after how effortlessly she seems to controls the votes. We get Jeremiah, Eric, me, Kmanda, and herself and we sent a silent, straight five towards Sierra. There was nothing she could really do.

Eric's boot- Right about where my game became flawed (not that it was flawless before, but the quality definitely took a nosedive). Jerri and Jeremiah win the challenge last round, so now they have HoH. Jerri nominates one of the K buddies, Jeremiah nominates me. I ask him about why me, and he says he didn't want to nominate Heather so that Jerri could use her idol and nominate someone completely different. Obviously I'm frustrated, but I do understand why. I ask around and it seems like the best shot I had was a tie, and that I win the tie breaker. But I'm above average in challenges, whereas Kmanda is great at them. I was on edge, but Eric said he wouldn't vote for me. Later, Kmanda said that he promised the same thing her. Kind of put me on edge. Zmanda was talking with Kim and she offers me a way out, and that she is going to play her idol on me and nominate someone else, and I promise her my loyalty and my vote if she does. She lays down the idol and nominates Eric. By that point, I had made a deal with Zmanda that would have made me a super goat if I broke it, so I respectfully told him that I was voting for him. He goes home.

Kim's boot- If last round wasn't an indicator of my game going in a negative direction, well, this one was. I approach Jeremiah with a proposition. I made a realization that if I wanted to have a really good chance at winning, the best chance would be up against him and Heather, and that his best chance was up against me. I promise to set aside our differences and control the rest of the votes to take out threat after threat until it was us three left. He agrees, I'm ecstatic. Zmanda wants the F3 to be me, Kim, and then herself, and says that the votes will be split between three Jerri and two Heather to flush out her idol, which is fine with me, since I was going to suggest that plan anyways. Jeremiah tells me that Zmanda, Kim, and Kmanda were going to blindside me, and I thought it was dumb at first, but he won me over with a screenshot. I say that it would be a good idea to go for Zmanda, because I made a promise to her, and we could continue to play both sides by doing what Zmanda said and Jerri, Heather, and Jeremiah could send three votes to Zmanda, and she goes home with no blood on my hands and allowing us to continue controlling votes, but Kim is the decided target, whatever. I don't make my vote yet (I don't know why) and start hanging out with my family. All hell breaks loose after Kmanda tells Kim that she is voting for her, and Kim and Zmanda both kind of rope me in immediately on a counterplan that I'm not immediately comfortable with. Kim mentions that Heather is going to throw her vote, and I confront her and she says that she isn't. I tell Zmanda and Kim that if she doesn't throw her vote and I still vote Jeremiah, then I'm screwed. I obviously don't want to vote Jeremiah because of my alliance with him, and I don't want to vote Kim because I like her and I've already been roped into a counter-Jeremiah group, so I throw mine. I consider changing my vote at about 8:05 (I legitimately thought the vote was due at 8:15 lol), bur after I saw that it was due at 8, I didn't even bother. In hindsight, I should have just taken a stand and voted Kim, but I tried to keep a tie with both sides, so I threw a vote and thought that would maintain my relations. See how that played out... Right when the votes were due, Kmanda said that I might get some votes tonight, and I throw her under the bus to Kim and Zmanda and use Kmanda's name instead of Jeremiah's, to which they respond that I was duper and that I'm on the bottom. Which I could have very well been duped, but that did not seem to be the case at the time, and even now looking back on it.

Jeremiah's boot- I stood up for Kmanda because she obviously just made a hard decision and Zmanda was giving her way more shit than she deserved, so I tried to say something and maybe earn some respect from the jury. I talk with Jeremiah and it's basically agreed on almost everyone (besides Zmanda, didn't talk with her much that round) that Jerri needs to go as soon as she loses immunity. Sure enough, she wins again, but she gives her immunity to Kmanda. I bring up the notion of voting Jerri anyways, but Jeremiah is convinced that she's playing the idol on herself, and to go with the easy vote of Zmanda. Then, that whole Jerri move went down and fucked us all.

Zmanda's boot- I admittedly fucked up huge this round. I forget exactly what was happening in my real life, but after Jerri won again, the vote was still Zmanda. Me and Heather figured that Kmanda had a better chance against Zmanda in the challenge, and we needed to beat Jerri in the next round. I forgot to vote, and before it was too late, the results were up. All the blame goes exactly to me for my incompetence. It wasn't strategic at all, it was pure negligence for responsibility on my end.

Heather's boot- Jerri wins immunity again. I try my hardest in the challenge (there were 7 intersecting letters, not 6 goddammit!), but I still sucked. Jerri wins barely to Kmanda's score. At this point, I'm convinced Heather and Jerri are voting Kmanda, and I make a deal with her that I will vote for Heather with Kmanda if she promises me her jury vote if she loses the tiebreaker. She agrees. Jerri speaks very vaguely at the tribal, and at this point, I'm convinced that she is just voting out Kmanda, but leaving the jury in suspense. So I call her out on it and she shuts me down. Fine. At this point though, I had already made my deal with Kmanda, and I didn't really intend on breaking it so late in the game, so I just voted Heather. Now I could have gone to Heather with a similar plea, but she would have won the tiebreaker because of Kmanda's absence, and I would have lost a jury vote in the form of Kmanda, so I figured that I have a better chance voting our Heather and getting her vote than Kmanda. Granted, the chances of getting either vote was/is slim, but hey, I tried.

Overall, I don't think I was as big of a goat that people (including myself at times) made me out to be. I tried making moves and alliances that I could ride and control votes with, but they always ended up falling through in the next round or two, unfortunately, due to other commitments, both in and out of my control. I was fighting for some sort of move that I could call my own at the merge, but almost all of them fell through, and I didn't have enough resources/social grace/loyalties to really pull much more off than I tried. Maybe I did and I just didn't see it, but I tried what I could. I hope that answers your question, Michelle.