I don't usually do threads like this but it feels called for this game??

part 1

FIRST OF ALL, I had an absolute fucking blast this season. I came into this game having no idea what to expect because I'd never played the series before, and on top of that, it was essentially an all stars season, but it's honestly been pretty incredible. You host a great game, Abi. Thanks for the experience <3

I honestly feel kinda emotionally dull right now and I have pretty much all day. I guess that makes it sound like I don't really care about any of what happened but this isn't a particularly normal state for me at all. I'm a very passionate human with a lot of feelings that I'm generally not afraid to express, so to not really feel much at all is a little bizarre. Where do I start with this...

Looking back I actually find it hilarious that I was worried Erik would be the one orchestrating my boot. I never even CONSIDERED that Chris would have anything at all to do with it. I didn't think he would EVER willingly participate in voting me out, let alone be the driving force behind the whole thing. In my TC answer I said that there I was nothing I didn't expect, but I guess I lied, because that was a shock and a half. Like he said in his TC thread, we've been friends for 7 months now (since Twisted 2) and we've talked like, pretty much every day since we met (except for while he was on jury in T2). We've played a lot of games together now and it's always been pretty much impossible to separate our friendship from the games we play. It is borderline impossible not to want to put all your eggs in the basket of someone that you know and love not only as a player, but a person, and I guess that's why this sucks so much. Don't get me wrong, this is just a game, and I'll absolutely get over it, but at the same time, our friendship was made and built up massively over the course of these games, and they're what brought us together initially. At the end of the day he is a guy I honestly do adore but will likely never meet in person, and these games are a way for us to both build and test our relationship in an accessible way, considering we're thousands of miles apart. I guess for that reason this betrayal seems astronomical to me - these games are really all we have when we're two very different people from very different places, and they're such an integral part of our friendship that when a game comes between us, it feels cataclysmic (on an e-scale, anyway). I voted him out in TSG because I had no choice. I don't feel like this is the same at all. There's just been a lot of shadiness and he said a lot of things he probably shouldn't have said. I've honestly been getting a completely different vibe from him for like over a week now, but I thought he was just stressing about college, so I was really worried for him and just tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible/leave him be aside from that. I'm assuming he was actually thinking about voting me out the whole time and just didn't know how to conduct himself around me as a result. Bit sad really. I think he could maaaaaybe still win this game (though tbh it's a long shot in my eyes) and a part of me hopes he does so that it makes this "worth it", but he's very unlikely to get my vote, and not really because of the whole betrayal thing (though sure it plays a part). I can tell he's super upset if not only because he cursed a lot in his TC post which is totally out of character for him (lol) and part of me just wants to call him on Skype randomly and tell him that everything is OK and that he doesn't need to feel bad but another part of me really won't have a bar of that, and I'm gonna stick with following the latter. I do have to say though that Zmanda's attacking him was pretty below the belt because I know Chris is probably feeling really terrible right now and doesn't need the baseless ad hom attacks on his character. I tried to get her to chill out but we all know she can't be told what to do lol

2 be continued

I'll write more tomorrow but I just wanted to add one thing
like I said in the Ponderosa thread, one of the worst parts of this whole thing is that I pretty much screwed Zmanda by blindly trusting Chris. she expressed so many times that she was worried about Chris and to a lesser extent me flipping on her, especially after she voted out Sierra, who was her closest ally and almost certainly would have taken her to the end. I was SO unequivocally sure that Chris would not willingly defect from me that I essentially promised her she could count on the both of us. It was stupid of me to speak for Chris but we are usually so in tune that I never expected us to reach a point in the game where we would have completely diverging opinions about what to do next. More than that, I never thought he would get to the point where he'd flat out turn on me and orchestrate my boot, in this game or ANY game. I mean, of course I told him I felt like he could win, and he totally can, but I for sure overstated it because when your friend is feeling shitty about something, aren't you meant to comfort them? If I had known it would spur him into voting me out I would've been less nice ??? idk

Kim Powers @ 16/8/2015 10:27

I think he could maaaaaybe still win this game (though tbh it's a long shot in my eyes) and a part of me hopes he does so that it makes this "worth it", but he's very unlikely to get my vote, and not really because of the whole betrayal thing (though sure it plays a part).

Worked out ;)

<3