As far as Zmanda. Is it bad that I expected this would happen? And that it was going to be this bad? I understand why she is mad, I had obviously just betrayed her and her/my closest ally. But to call me the c word, say my real life is pathetic, compare me to Hitler, like dude relax. I didn't need to be more depressed tonight, that certainly didn't help. It's lucky that I usually have a pretty thick skin when it comes to stuff like that, especially when I know it is happening out of rage.

What kills me is that she isn't consistent? Just at all, in game and talking. She is such a pleasant person to talk to on AIM but the second you flip the rage switch she is ON you. She was telling me how she loved my story, just to say it sucked in the thread. She said I had no chance to win and I was a complete goat, then said that it wouldn't be smart for people to take me to the end. Well alright, time to play I guess.

This round is gonna start off as an emotional one, and it may end as one too. Back in TSG I had a really super close ally get eliminated and for the next few rounds I was able to "harness" how I felt about him getting eliminated, and use that to try and get people to vote with me. I'm trying to use my emotions to my advantage instead of letting them cloud me. No sympathy-begging game for me, but I definitely seem to be getting it.

I honestly need to just say thank you to everyone who has been around to help. Stephen, Eric, Jeremiah, Erik, and Jerri; you all really helped me get through this night and for that I really am thankful. No matter what happens in the game I'm always going to be appreciative of that <3

In response to Zmanda, I told Jerri, Heather, and Erik the same thing. I just wanted to ask them one thing; don't let Zmanda win. Don't let her be satisfied and get the satisfaction of voting me out. I can't stand her negativity and I know I'm not the first person who has basically been bullied by her. I'm ready to counter and take out that negativity.



Erik was the one who "surprised" me the most I think? I told him that he was the target last round and I do feel bad because he never seems to know why. I basically wanted to try severing any relationship he may have had with Zmanda still by saying he and Kim were going to blindside him. He basically sympathized with me for all the crap I was taking from Zmanda. He said I didn't deserve it, how it's just a game, etc. Erik like, REALLY helped me. He also showed Zmanda and Kim try scrambling to him last minute trying to take out SOMEONE as a part of the #kimcampaign. But Erik knew the plan and wasn't going to do anything. He brought up a great point about how when he throws a vote away he is spineless, but when Heather does it she is a hero. It is honestly completely BS. Like Heather, I literally betrayed my closest ally who 100% trusted me for you, and you don't want to vote for her because you made a 1 round PROMISE? After she literally created a chat called "fk heather?" It was mind boggling.

But game wise. he pretty much told me his relationship with Zmanda is pretty thin now. He would much rather see her get eliminated before me. Hey that's not a finals deal but I'll take it. If Erik is voting with me for Zmanda, I think I have a chance.



Jerri AKA my apparent F2 ally was also amazing when it came to relief. She didn't her idol which ofc is fine. She even said depending on how everything shakes out for this challenge, she may even GIVE me her idol. Omg omg omg. I literally was in tears when she told me that. She said if it was going to help me get to the end with her she didn't mind. I am going to ofc be Zmanda's target, but I THINK numbers wise I will still be fine.But we had a great talk and basically the goal is to get to the end together. She was just saying so many nice things about my dedication, my story, feeling bad for what happened with Kim, it was like surreal. If this is her leading me on I give up, but I think she is actually serious. Hey, I see nothing wrong with going to the end with Jerri.



And NOW for Jeremiah. At this point he is pretty much my boi and I HOPE I'm his gal. We both took a lot of crap (although I took way more) for this last round and we're going to be seen as together now. I am worried that Zmanda's comment about him in her attack is going to scare him into thinking he can't beat me in the end, but honestly I think he is probably still the biggest threat to win. Jerri isn't crazy with the idea to take Jeremiah to the end, but I plan on trying to go as far as possible with the guy. He helped me a lot with more of the personal side of things because we both ofc know Kim and are friends with her. He can be ruthless when it comes to cutting personal bonds (coming from me that is bad lol) so I'm not feeling 100% safe with him until the end, but as long as Zmanda is here I think he'll stick with me.

So I am THINKING Erik, Jerri, Jeremiah, and I can all be votes against Zmanda.



I think Heather and her may be working together now at least somewhat. Jerri is close to Heather so I THINK if she ever planned on doing something Jerri would find out and probably tell me. I told her I just wanted to get rid of Zmanda's negativity and she said she was worried Zmanda had some sort of idol or something.

Especially with Erik not going to give her any candies, she SHOULDN'T have an idol. I feel like she would have told Kim earlier and Kim probably would have told me. If she does well perf, that just sucks. If Jerri or I win this challenge I think I may be guaranteed a spot in the F5. Jerri may give her idol to me if she wins and I will ofc be safe with immunity. I REALLY think there is a good chance.

I felt like crap, I thought I had no chance of winning after what happened. But then I realized that is exactly how Zmanda (and Kim to an extent) wants me to feel. They are mad and want me to feel bad and think I made the worst move ever. Well they're wrong, I hope lol. No, not I hope, I KNOW they are wrong. You saw my TC speech, you saw my Fan Fic, give me a platform and something to write about where I can be passionate. Those are the ingredients for success for me. Yes I'm long winded, but I feel like I can be pretty eloquent.

While Zmanda is not always right about things, there were a few nails she hit right on the head.

Amanda Zuckerman @ 15/8/2015 23:40

Well, there is Kmanda's opening statement for FTC. Hopefully you don't want to go against that (if you are smart, which :x)

You bet your ass that was my FTC speech lol, IF I can make it that far. She also said how it'd be dumb to go against that, so that means I have a chance to win.

Amanda Zuckerman @ 15/8/2015 23:42

So if you want to go up against that be my guest, lolz. She is long winded, will play the sympathy card and will laugh her way to the win.

Long winded, check. Sympathy card? I'm not trying to play that way but just objectively I do think it'll probably help (THANKS TO HER LOL). As far as laughing my way to the win, not exactly. I plan on trying to get that win, if anything so what I just did wasn't for naught. But laughing? Idk. I think it'll be more like saying "EFF YOU" to Zmanda as I walk up pulling a Sugar flipping both the birds.

Amanda Zuckerman @ 16/8/2015 22:24

mhm and just like Hitler, Kmanda is a horrible person.

Amanda Zuckerman @ 16/8/2015 22:27

And just like Kim jong Un, she brainwashes people into doing what she wants. She got Jerri to save her this round, she's got jeremiah eating out her ass like its puppy chow, she whispered sweet nothings to Kim (then backstabbed her) and now she has you defending her like a white knight <3

You caught me Zmanda, I'm a brain controlling Hitler terrible person.

Please leave.

Oh well.



But how about this earth angel right here? I don't think my game relationship with someone has improved as drastically in a few days EVER. I went from not talking to Jerri much to us basically becoming an F2 deal to the point where she is willing to give me her immunity necklace/idol. The fact this is all happening so fast is unbelievable and I honestly am just not going to question it. If Jerri wants to go to the end with me, I would be HAPPY to oblige and do the same with her.

After my train-wreck of an attempt at this challenge, seeing Jerri win made me super hopeful. She had promised me last round that she was going to give me the idol depending on what happened with this challenge. Well that did NOT prepare me for what she decided to do instead.

So she told me that Zmanda was ofc trying to target me (worst kept secret in the game). While personally I think I'd have the numbers to prevent me from going home (Erik, Jerri, and Jeremiah all appear to be in my corner) Jerri said that she was going to give ME her Individual immunity necklace and then give Jeremiah the idol. That means we are both safe an extra round and would be guaranteed F5 spots. When she told me this initially I was blown away. I immediately thought Zmanda was going to be PISSED when she found out (and probably Yul too from the jury considering his crush lol) and I did try telling Jerri that. Even when people are trying to give me stuff I try making sure they are ok with it, ugh. Jerri said she didn't care. She had told Zmanda anyway she wasn't going to vote me this round but would have instead voted Jeremiah. The excvuse she was going to give to Zmanda for giving the necklace to me was saying that I promised I'd vote Kim if she would give it to me had she won it this next round. Obviously this never happened, but I just went with it, and accepted it to happen.

And then it happened.



FINAL 5 BBY!!!!!!! I was literally giddy, GIDDY, when I saw her post that. I think it all but assures Zmanda goes barring anything crazy happening (which at this point I can't say won't happen). What I do know is that I plan to vote Zmanda out. I am voting her and only her, no questions asked.



Up until this point Heather had still been trying to be vague about who she wanted to vote out between Zmanda and I. I basically flat out told Heather that voting Zmanda is definitely the better game move. She has more jury support and can easily win AND she just called me the biggest goat in the game. Heather still seemed to be hesitant, said she wanted to talk to Erik, Jeremiah, and Jerri to see how they'd feel. Well *I* knew how they'd feel, but I didn't want to tell her that.



Angel Erik had already said he was probably voting Zmanda because of how their relationship has soured. He promised not to vote for her when she idoled him off to get rid of Eric, but he wasn't so keen on keeping to that promise after what has transpired over the last few rounds.

Honestly, if Zmanda wasn't so caught up with playing a character and trying to throw hatred at me, she had a great chance to take me out. If anything, if I do well in this game it's because of her. Whether someone drags me to the end as a goat, or if I get to bring up at FTC that she thought I was brainwashing everyone. Obviously I'm not, but I mean perception can be reality after-all ;)



After Jerri gave me the necklace Heather seemed to be a LITTLE concerned about voting Zmanda. She is worried that Zmanda is somehow getting idoled and will choose who goes. The thing is that Jerri has the only idol left in the game, and she is PROBABLY giving it Jeremiah. I think Heather is going to throw her vote away so she can say she never voted out Zmanda. I have a bit of a problem with that because it's her accepting what's going to happen but doesn't want the blood on her hands for it. Honestly, it's the weak way out imo.



I also wanted to solidify things with Jeremiah. I'd LIKE to think we are in it together until the end, but I also know he can be a bit ruthless. I mean it's fine, it is a game and I get that. We are friends outside of it but if votes me out for being a threat to his game, I get that. I don't think it WOULD be in his best interest to vote me out next round at 5. I mean I plan on voting with him then and our 2 votes together would certainly help. I think Jerri MAY want to vote him out then though, so we'll see how it goes. If Heather, Erik, and Jerri all vote to try and get rid of Jeremiah, it's probably the cleanest way he'd go out. I DOUBT that would ever happen, it's just a scenario.

I honestly don't know how to feel about Jeremiah at the end with me. I mean I would be perfectly ok with it personally wise, but I think I dropped the "personally wise" game a few rounds ago. Game wise I think he would basically be my stiffest competition. He has flipped a LOT and every flip has been at the right time so far. If he gets to the end and outlines that, PLUS he has nothing to do with pre-game alliance stuff, and that'll be huge. I think 2 major things I'm going to get crap for in FTC (if I make it) are my pre-game relationships with a handful of people including Kim, Stephen, and Eric AND obviously me being away for 2 weeks. I have a good answer to counter the latter bit, and I THINK I have a good way to explain the pre-game stuff. I don't have to worry about that until I get to the end though.

I think my ideal F3 is probably something like Erik, Jerri, and I. I feel like it'd give me my best chance at the win, as long as there isn't TOO much bitterness (which there probably will be lbr). However, Jeremiah being in that isn't AWFUL. Plus it avoids possibly making him very angry on the way out. I don't THINK I would want to target him next round, even if Jerri wants to. I think if he were to go it'd be at F4 AKA my fave spot (and probably where I'm destined to go unfortunately).

I mean I SHOULDN'T go. Jerri said she'd force the tie for me so if we both make F4 that'd be great. I'm just worried Jeremiah is thinking about turning on me just like how I'm thinking about turning on him. If he's not then hey, cool, I may have out gamebotted the gamebot. I don't particularly LIKE this version of me, but I think it gives me the best chance at winning.

I have been watching BB stuff and I have compared this "transformation" a bit to Dan Gheesling's in BB14. In his first game that he won, Dan was strategic and lied and stuff but always stayed true to one person, Memphis. In BB14 he had a close bond with Danielle, but he was still willing to cut her and everyone else to make it to the end of the game. This spawned such events as Dan's Funeral. Game wise he was spectacular, but he didn't win because the person he went against at the end (Ian) was well liked and a pretty big threat. Dan ran the season, but was too hated to win.

I HOPE my end result isn't the same as that. If I have done all this bad stuff, I want it to result in a win. Otherwise, it would have all been for naught and idk how I'd be able to take it. I understand it's just an online game and I may be too hard on myself, but I am not going to lie to myself and say I'm happy with everything I have done and am thinking about doing.

Just a game. Just a game.