abi @ 12/8/2015 21:13

By a vote of: Spoiler + 4-0 Spoiler + You have been evicted from the Jarensia tribe. It's always pleasure to watch you play as usual incredible confessionals and parchements. Can't wait to see your jury speech lol

Ok, so I just wanted to clarify a bit what I was talking about in that last confessional with the forcing me into this commitment thing.



So ok, if I don't agree to working with her she'll vote to evict me and try and force one of my best friends to do it. Would she? Idk tbqh.



Again, if I had not agreed to what Zmanda was telling Kim, I was literally gone. I think this spells out "being forced into a F3 deal" pretty clearly.





.......yet. If I choose to betray the group I was forced into with the threat of me being voted out, I'm going to be the one who gets the hate.





It's not YOU forcing me into anything. Or well, I GUESS it slightly would be if you had voted for me with Zmanda had I said no. But I think it is safe to say I am being forced into this.


Look, this is kinda passive aggressive of me but I have ALL of this in front of me, and I STILL feel bad at the thought of betraying them and voting them out. I don't know if this is just me being too passive of a person, having my judgement impaired/clouded, or w/e. But all of this should be pretty telling to the situation I have been placed in. They will ride or die with me in the F3 with them, but I was dead had I said no.

The gun to your head Final 3 is a new to me lol

Just wanted to make sure I'm not the only one who sees it this way. The chats aren't even being taken out of context really; it's pretty clear.

I probably would have murdered someone if I lost that challenge after all the work I put into it. Was there any reason for me to have done that? PROBABLY not. I think that win will probably be considered unnecessary except at the end for me to be able to say "I won challenges" IF I can make it there. I doubt I'll be seen as any more of a challenge threat than I am already perceived as. Slight issue is that challenge threats get the target in the game and then jack when trying to pick a winner for it. Challenge wins are not appreciated and tbh they shouldn't ALWAYS be. However winning challenges is still a pretty big focus of ORGs, and I wanted to win a creative won and (ngl) wanted to beat Zmanda in a creative challenge after she rocked and destroyed SO many of them in the past.

Glad to see you liked it though. If I wasn't bad at time management I would have made it EVEN BETTER. But again, I don't think I actually need to win that many challenges right now.

I have 3 people in this F7 who want to go to the end with me. Zmanda, Kim, and Jeremiah. Well a 4th person came forward to me today with another endgame proposition; Jerri.



Now I'm not SURE if Jerri was trying to schmooze me after I won immunity? We had our first good chat in a while. It wasn't getting super game related until the end. I think I may go over a couple of the snippits, considering this episode has turned into me screenshotting AIM convos anyway.



Ok, so to start she is trying to show she isn't really attached with Heather and/or Erik. I mean she COULD be legit about it I suppose, but Heather said something to Kim about saying "Ew, I was forced to align with Jerri." So they either legit don't like each other as much as we keep saying or they are trying to show they aren't a unit.

So I was talking to Jerri about getting to the end, she brought up this is the closest she has gotten so far. Then she had this to say:



Ok.......Thanks? That's just an odd thing to say to someone still in the game.



This one I can understand why it came up. As a matter of fact she mentioned to Zmanda that we were playing for Kim to win pretty much. While I don't 100% disagree that sticking with Kim and Zmanda would be exactly THAT, I did try telling her that wasn't at all my goal. I was and am trying to play a separate game from her. Whether or not that will be successful, only time can tell.

Aaaaaaand then this



Ok, so Jerri mentioned earlier that her relationship with Zmanda was not great because Zmanda would tell Kim whatever she says and Kim essentially got in the way of the relationship. Now HERE, I know is incorrect. 1. Zmanda has intentions of a F3 with Kim and I. Yes I was essentially forced into it, but I don't see any reason for Zmanda to constantly threaten that she will flip out if one of us lie, just to have her lie. As far as the Erik thing.



Well he is the target for this round. Zmanda wants to blindside him now that he has talked about voting Kim out. Jerri had said she is likely playing the idol on herself this round to get guaranteed F6. If she is lying it seems pretty unlikely Erik is getting an idol played on him.



Zmanda suggests we tell Erik we will split the votes on Heather and Jerri with he and I voting Heather, and then Zmanda, Kim, and Jeremiah voting Jerri, That way, Erik may think he can mess around with the votes and tell Jerri to play her idol and send 3 votes Kim's way. In reality 4 votes should be heading in the direction of Erik. Poor guy is going to be blindsided.

Maybe.

Well Jeremiah hasn't been around a lot recently, although neither have I. Jeremiah not being around is sketching Kim out a bit and she's worried she's going to end up going because it's 7th place and this is the time influential players go home. Not talking to Jeremiah is a bit concerning to me too, but for the opposite reasons. I wanted to talk to him about the possibility of possibly voting Kim this round. Technically we can wait until next round and the same opportunity will be there (if it's a survivor round. If it's big brother it looks like I'm going up to my elbows in blood), but I just want to talk to him and see where his head is at. I know this would basically be the "ultimate betrayal" if I decide to go through with it, and would basically represent the gamebotty transformation I had after Eric got voted out. Something I am worried about is flipping this round, and next round being a BB round. If I voted Kim out this round and Zmanda wins the F6 HoH, I am so absolutely screwed it's not even funny (unless I win the PoV). In Epic 3 I won immunity/HoH in F6, but the actual BB round didn't happen until round 5.

Honestly I'm still not even sure if I am going to go through with this whole plan anyway. If I do decide to I am NOT lying about voting Kim. I will tell her very straight up because it would be bad jury management to lie to someone without an idol and who can't save themselves. I am not 100% sure on the candy situation wit Zmanda, so it is POSSIBLE she could team up with Erik and create an idol. Because of that alone I'm not really sure what I'm going to do when I get to my final decision. Again, I plan on talking to Jeremiah about it tomorrow. Today I just blindly agreed to what was being said in the group chat with Jeremiah, Zmanda, Kim, and I.


Heather also spoke to me and congratulated me on my win. She was offering some nice congratulations and ended up transitioning pretty suddenly to who I wanted to vote this round. I told her the truth about not knowing. I basically took a day off yesterday, and today I spent 10 hours writing that story. I didn't really have the game on my mind and I was just reveling.



Jerri was telling me that she wanted to vote Zmanda for the round pretty much. I asked her if she thought Zmanda was the bigger threat than Kim. She said no, but I am guessing she didn't say Kim to me because she didn't think I would ever vote for her. Just like Kim asked last round, if I ever intend on voting one of them, it would be her first. I haven't really told anyone about that, and I certainly wasn't going to tell Jerri. I tried being as non-committal as possible with Jerri because I don't want to burn her. I actually wouln't even mind a finals deal with Jerri, but I just doubt that she is being 100% legit with me. I told her that Kim would probably be the first target, but then also said I wasn't sure if I would even do it.

Again, I can wait next round if I REALLY need to I think. Jeremiah would be able to flip with likely Jerri and Heather. I still don't know if I would even WANT to do that, but the thought has been crossing my mind.

*Gets PM from Jerri*

Jerri @ 15/8/2015 12:27

I've been thinking a lot about this, and what I am about to say really has no strategic basis, and from a purely game perspective isn't smart on my part. I really hope you can keep this between just us. However, I can't help it. I want to go to the end of the game with you. Erik, Jeremiah Heather and I have been talking about working together to break Kimanda Trio, or so it's called. Will Erik and Jeremiah actually work together for the betterment of their 2 games? I really don't know. They have been unpredictable to say the least, so it's hard to say for sure what will happen tonight. Regardless if one of them do go, no blood on your hands at least. What I do know is out of everyone left, I connect the most with you. Your Fanfic, your dedication to the game even through a cruise, resizing the images etc, I just know you really wanna be here and really want to make the end of this game. I know last season you got fucked over in 4th place, I remember us speaking about it before your vacation. Apparently Danni didn't even care/hardly played... Someone who cares as much as you do truly deserves to make the finals and give it your shot to win. So whether or not if Jeremiah/Erik are truthful or trying to trick me into not playing the idol/giving it to Heather, I will stick by you to the end, cause I'm not going to be the person who denies someone who has put so much into this game and last game a spot in the Finals so I can win against 2 goats, or against another powerhouse player. I simply won't feel good about it, and I'd rather be a runner up to you if that's how it plays out then to win cause I was least despicable player out of the last 3. If this was the ACTUAL survivor, and there was a Million Dollars at stake and the Title of Soul Survivor for the rest of my life, I would choose the easier path to victory. But for this game the only thing really on the line is pride, and screwing you for an sure victory is not something I'll feel prideful about. I was thinking about this all this morning. I have faith in you and truly hope you won't try to use this PM against me in someway. Let's give this game the Fanfic ending it deserves ;). Thank you for inspiring me and I hope you'll go with me, I do truly want this to happen regardless of any outcome.

I am speechless.

I REALLY want to believe it but the skeptic in me won't let it happen.

Ok I have made my decision, and yup looks like I am voting out Kim.

I was talking to Jeremiah this morning and we basically decided it was probably the best bet. Game wise I think it is 100% the right decision (just about). She will most likely beat me in an FTC, I have little to no doubt about that. I see Zmanda the same way. And honestly, I think those are the only 2 people I wouldn't stand much of a chance against. I know I basically broke down last round saying I probably wouldn't be able to beat anyone left, but I don't think that's true if I play my cards right.

I have a CHANCE against Jeremiah in the end I think. It depends on how these next bunch of rounds go. If me voting out Kim and Zmanda make them bitter towards me, that will obviously hurt. I'm not SURE if they are going to see this as the best for my game. I know when it happens both are going to say "we were 100% committed, why would you do this, etc." And I just can't buy I have an equal chance against both of them in the end, I'm sorry. They WILL see that this was probably good for Jeremiah's game, which is what I am worried about.

When I approached Jeremiah about the idea he said he wasn't voting Kim but he was given a pretty juicy offer to. I'm PRETTY sure he was voting Kim either way and probably wouldn't have told me if he did because we don't exactly hide we are close, but I didn't care as much here because those were my intentions here. If he wasn't, well after talking to me he definitely was. Jeremiah is way better at detaching himself than I am so he doesn't see this to be as big of a deal as I do. Still a big deal, but for me this is pretty huge.

What I'm worried about is that I am betraying a pretty close personal bond and I don't really like that. I've basically "accepted" that it has to happen but that doesn't make this any easier. Again, game wise I think this is definitely the right decision, but I'm just SO SO SO worried that I am destroying something so good that took months to build. Even with Zmanda I'm going to feel bad for betraying, and she LITERALLY was ready to vote me out last round AND times before that as well. I understand that the excuse "it is just a game" is always there and I didn't mean anything malicious as to what I was doing. What Jeremiah wanted to do was tell Zmanda about how Kim leaks everything she says to us to try and keep her on our side next round, but I'm just not about that. I don't want to hurt that friendship anymore than I want to hurt the one I have with Zmanda, or even Kim. That feels like a way more personal betrayal and I just can't do that.

Betraying Kim is probably the hardest personal decision I've made in an ORG. But talking about how hard it is and how much I don't want to do it and how it is literally soul-wrenching doesn't change the fact that I'm doing it.

Heather apparently made some promise to Kim this round that she wasn't going to vote for her because Kim said the same thing to her. Ok like, I'm sorry, but you made a promise for 1 round, I've been her ally all game and now I'm voting for her. I THINK you can do it. I 100% intend on telling Kim before it happens, but I don't know when she is going to log on before the deadline or HOW exactly to say it. I feel like it is a total cop out but I can't NOT tell her, plus it's not like she can change the vote if 4 people are already voting for her. Jerri, Jeremiah, and Jerri definitely are.

Erik apparently isn't? No idea what to do with that. He was telling Jeremiah that he should vote Zmanda or Kim, but wouldn't do it himself. He may legit throw his vote away at Heather or something to avoid getting Zmanda mad which is honestly pretty spineless. Jeremiah even told him she was voting for him and he refused to believe it. I think in the end Jeremiah showed him some screenshots just to confirm it, but I still don't think Erik is voting Kim. She should get at least 3 votes for sure, Erik will get 2 votes (until I tell Kim about me voting for her, then I'm guessing she is going to try doing something to save herself) so as long as Heather is voting with us or throws her vote to Zmanda or something everything should work.

I'm going to hate myself so much and Zmanda is going to make lots of bad pictures about me, but I still think this is what I have to do. If next round is an HoH and Zmanda wins, I'm probably in trouble. But I THINK I may be ok depending on who I get nommed next to? Jerri (i don't think) would vote me out, Heather MIGHT over Jeremiah and will over Jerri, Jeremiah won't (idt?), and idk about Erik, but I'm sure I'd figure something out. If it is a survivor round and Zmanda doesn't win immunity, she should end up going.

Unfortunately Erik would then be in a bit of a swing position of either picking Heather and Jerri or Jeremiah and I. THAT is not something I want to see lol. I don't want to bank on challenge wins to end off the season (didn't work out in Epic 3, thx Candice). Jeremiah is at least on par with me if not better in comps so I think that means I need to get closer to Erik over these next few days so he sticks with me over them. If Jerri is being serious with me about F2 I SHOULD be safe at least until F4 *shutters* The thought of getting final juror in this series again is actually sickening, I just felt all my muscles just stop.

So I guess my path to the end is there. It CAN happen and it starts here. A few nights ago when I talked at length about how I'm not a stratbot, taking Jerri, Heather, or Erik to the end is sickening, etc and at that time I was being 100% legit and honest. I literally have had a change of heart over these last few days. I think I'm going from MORP to CPN in this round, if we are going on edgic, and as a person I don't like it, but game wise it's a transformation I need. I just hope I don't pull a Dan Gheesling and have a change of heart about betraying people, JUST to anger the entire jury and those I love.

I just need to stop and lay down for a bit and figure out how I'm going to tell Kim.

Why I am voting Kim out over Zmanda.



One of the many reason why I plan on telling her/them.

I told them, and I hate myself. Not much I can do but sit and watch.

Kim Powers @ 15/8/2015 20:15

the awkward moment when all of you vilify Zmanda and she turns out to be a better ally than any of you EVER were. good luck Zmanda and Heather. the rest of you can bite me :)

Still hate myself