I wrote the first episode and a half of this story thing and then realized I am not fucking funny at all so I'm not going to submit anything because I'm so ashamed
Here's the bit that I still have lol. I'm not a terrible writer by any means but trying to make it entertaining when I had so little time cos of uni etc. was a struggle. If I had just written a straight out fanfic without trying to be funny it would've been way easier. Maybe next time?
Spoiler
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Jeff: … this season, two tribes of some of our most memorable castaways will get their second chance and battle it out for the title of Sole Survivor...
The Bayon tribe is shown flying over the ocean in a helicopter.
The camera cuts to Tasha.
Tasha (voiceover): Last time I played this game, I was not dedicated enough to The LORD. This time, I am here for his glory, and through CHRIST, I will have the power to destroy any competition. :)
The camera pans around to the other side of the helicopter and rests on Jeremy.
Jeremy (voiceover): I respect this game. I am going to play the game the way it deserves to be played. Beep boop.
The Ta Keo tribe are in a boat far below in the ocean. Abi is preening herself at the front of the boat. The camera zooms in on Kelley.
Kelley (voiceover): If there are any drewchebags out here, they better be ready to lose.
The camera pans to Shirin.
Shirin (voiceover): This season I will not talk about monkey sex because no one seemed to like it which I don’t understand because it’s not every day that you see monkeys let alone monkeys procreating why are people so mean it’s just nature I was just trying to share a story and nobody even laughed one bit maybe this tribe will be more accepting of me because I am really no collar and I don’t think the fact that I’m a millionaire means I should be called a white collar or maybe I should I’m not sure but also did you see that -
Jeff: 39 days. 20 people. One survivor.
<Intro>
The players are gathered on their tribe mats. Jeff welcomes them all and explains their first reward challenge, which requires the tribes to remove rocks from tribe boats that are sunk at the bottom of the ocean, bail the water out and paddle back to shore. After a hard fought battle, the Ta Keo tribe is victorious, winning flint.
Abi (confessional): Dis victory es sweet.
Abi looks very intensely into the camera.
Jus like Xi Cocktails. Now found en clubs near you.
Savage (confessional, wearing a backwards cap): We don’t need no flint, bro. We have Joe. He’s the real MVP.
The tribes reach their camps and engage in group hugs and excited screaming. Varner is shown noticeably avoiding touching all of the women on his tribe, which earns a side eye from Kelley.
Kelley (confessional): I think Varner is like, a femmephobe or something. That’s a thing, right? I don’t like that. What a drewchebag.
BAYON TRIBE
Savage, Jeremy, Joe and Keith are shown gathering wood for a shelter. Monica and Kimmi are weaving a shelter roof in the background. Savage nudges Jeremy.
Savage: Bro… Jeremy: What is it? Savage: We gotta stick together, bro. Us and Joe, we’re the bosses out here. Jeremy: This may be beneficial to my game. I will agree to it. Savage: Alrighhhhht! Jeremy turns to Joe, who is nearby climbing a tree. Jeremy: Joe, Andrew wishes to make an alliance with the two of us to help to advance all of us in this game. Do you accept? Beep. Joe gives Jeremy an odd look, but nods. Savage offers brofists to the both of them.
Ciera and Tasha are seen chatting as they walk towards the well.
Tasha: Have you heard the good word, Ciera? Ciera: The good word? Tasha: The LORD is here to help us this season. We can’t lose. Trust in him and all will go in our favour! Ciera: Okay. I mean, I guess that sounds good.
Ciera (confessional): I am a Christian and all, but I kind of just want to find a new Caleb out here. Stephen is shown adjusting his glasses. I don’t know if Tasha will approve of me making friends with a gay man. I’m conflicted already. I want my mom. Ciera begins to cry.
TA KEO TRIBE
Kelley has cornered Kelly and Shirin by the well.
Kelley (almost shrieking): Did Varner touch either of you?
Shirin: I’m not sure I mean we were all hugging together so it could have been anyone why do you ask do you like him don’t you think he’s a little old for you but -
Kelly (clearly weirded out): I don’t think so?
Varner is shown lounging on the beach.
Kelley: I knew it. I knew it! HE’S A FEMMEPHOBE. Do you girls know what this means?
Shirin looks extremely excited.
Shirin: ALLIANCE!!!!!!!!!
Kelly visibly cringes, but tries to make it look like a gesture of agreement.
Kelly (confessional): Alliances r lame.
Kelley: GIRL POWER!!!!!!
Terry is chatting with Spencer and Vytas as they begin to tie the shelter together.
Terry: How’s your brother doing, Vytas?
Vytas (grinning absently): Could be better. Could be me.
Spencer rolls his eyes.
Spencer (confessional): These people are idiots. Vytas is an idiot. Idiots. It looks like I’m going to have to become a teacher of the game.
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE The immunity challenge has a caller leading blindfolded castaways to find puzzle pieces on an obstacle-covered course. Ta Keo wins immunity, mainly because Keith is giving instructions in words his tribe cannot understand.
BAYON TRIBE The tribe is feeling dejected after their immunity loss.
Keith (spitting with every word): Sorry, y’all. I really coulda done that better.
Joe is tending the fire. He looks up at Keith like he is retarded.
Savage notices and laughs loudly, punching Jeremy in the shoulder to get his attention. Jeremy makes a strange mechanical noise as he turns around.
Kass: It’s fine, Keith. You did well for someone with no education.
Kass smiles blankly as everyone turns to look at her incredulously.
Kass: What?
Tasha (confessional): Kass is as ungodly as ever. She really needs to go.
Stephen and Monica are shown talking.
Monica: How do you feel about Russell Hantz?
Stephen (looking nervous): I mean, he did dupe JT, and JT was rather rude to me at Final Tribal, so I guess he’s not so bad…
Monica turns away in disgust. Stephen seems puzzled and walks away. Nearby, Savage has pulled Joe and Jeremy in to talk about the vote. Monica is listening in.
Savage: Stephen is a fkn nerddddd. Jeremy: My sources suggest that this is a credible claim.
Joe sighs. Monica runs over.
Monica: Not only is he a nerd, he also likes Russell Hantz. Savage: Monica! Babe! We got a good thing goin’ here. You wanna jump on board? He winks.
Monica looks disgusted, but nods anyway.
Savage: Let’s get Stephen out before revenge of the nerdzz starts.
He guffaws loudly and slaps Joe on the back. Joe winces.
Jeremy: Yes, I think that Andrew has made a good suggestion. Let us proceed with this plan.
Ciera has approached Stephen.
Ciera: Hiiii Stephen…:)
Stephen (giggling nervously): Hi Ciera.
Ciera: I really like your shirt. Where did you get it?
Stephen: Oh I… I uh…I mean, just the mall.
Ciera: Oh, Stephen! You’re so cute. We should go shopping sometime!
Stephen (confessional): I think Ciera likes me. I really think she does.
Tasha rushes up to the two of them.
Tasha: Kass needs to go. She is not part of the LORD’s plan.
Stephen (nervously): … Amen?
Tasha: God bless you, Stephen. I need to follow the LORD’s lead to get us a majority.
Keith and Kimmi are collecting firewood. Tasha appears next to them.
Keith: I hope y’all don’t vote me off because of that darn challenge.
Tasha: The LORD has spoken, and your elimination is not on the cards!
but anyway F7 is where shit usually hits the fan for a jury threat/strong player. it's a great time to pull off a power shift, especially in a game like this where alliances aren't 100% defined or secure. Chris is immune, and I'm pretty scared for both myself and Amanda. The plan is to tell Erik that Jeremiah, Amanda, Chris and I want to split between Heather and Jerri and then blindside Erik instead, but tbh this would be the perfect time for Jeremiah to flip if he wants to up his chances at winning the game. This vote is pretty much all on him. I don't think Erik will fuck Amanda over at this point, so if they're looking for a blindside target, it's most likely to be me, especially since Erik is out for my blood anyway. I tried talking to Heather a bit tonight to see where her head was at. I was very straight up with her and went so far as to tell her I would not vote for her to try and gain favour (I was also telling the truth!). I died a bit when she said this:
Heather Decksheimer
Eh. Jerri and I were forced to work together
like damn girl, way to hate on your closest ally. Then again, Jerri apparently said this to Chris earlier:
Jerri Manthey
It's always a blast talking to you, Heather and Erik aren't exactly laudatory conversationalists
lmfao good lord. As well as shading both Heather and Erik, she also pretty much inadvertently revealed that Erik is at least kind of working with them. MESS.
Post Edited by Kim Powers @ 15th Aug 2015 9:55:45 AM
actually though now that I think about it I'm not sure what the chances of a blindside actually getting pulled off here are. Erik is soooo into Amanda rn that I'm almost certain he'll tell her if he's planning to vote against me and thinks he has the numbers. I still might not be able to stop it happening, but it sure won't be a blindside
