sucked at majority rules because I didn't think everyone would answer Sierra for those questions so I didn't either
however I think I can win this PoV as long as someone doesn't come up with a better method than me

holy shit. SO MUCH NEW INFORMATION. I don't even know where to start.

okay so Jeremiah won the first immunity (SLAY) but then Jerri got the second one (ugh). this has made things harder than they need to be. I planted some seeds about Sierra being dangerous last night with Erik/Eric/Jeremiah and today I began to harvest the CROPS when immediately after the challenge results, shit started to go DOWN.

I can't even remember what order it all happened in but basically I deliberated with Jeremiah/Kmanda about potential vote splits to avoid "Heather"'s idol for a while and talked about the vote plan with everyone else to varying degrees. The fk heather group chat was pretty quiet and I then found out that Sierra was talking to Jeremiah and Zmanda separately about the vote. Eric, Kmanda and I got into a Skype call and Eric told us that Heather and Jerri were originally targeting me, but had now shifted targets to Zmanda because they believe I have an idol. This is important to remember for later.

Jeremiah was then messaging me confirming that they wanted Zmanda, and Zmanda was pasting me chatlogs from Sierra who was telling her the same thing. I continued to corroborate with Kmanda and Eric about what was going on, and then Zmanda pastes me a chatlog of Sierra telling her that JERRI has the auction idol (so she did snipe it ugh). I ask Jeremiah about this and he said he was waiting for us to Skype to announce it but yes, Jerri does have it and had told them about it in their vote chat for last round. Sierra still had not said anything in the group chat but was continuing to talk to Zmanda and Jeremiah separately. She asked Jeremiah whether she or he should tell us about the auction idol, and only after Jeremiah told us about it in the group chat did Sierra start talking too. She rebuffed a plan to split out of idol fear because it was "too risky" (another thing to remember for later). At this point Sierra opened up an individual chat with me and told me Heather and Jerri were targeting ME. This made me start to wonder whether Sierra believes that she is some omniscient being that has us all under her spell. She seems to think that none of us talk to each other, only to her.

I got on call with Jeremiah and Kmanda after that (he and Eric didn't know we had had separate calls with the two of them) and we were talking through every possible scenario. We eventually settle on voting Sierra and hoping she doesn't find out about it, and then having Jeremiah nominate Erik because we think Jerri will use her idol to DPOV Heather if she gets nominated, which would end badly for us. Jeremiah also mentioned that Jerri suspected Zmanda had an idol (which I said couldn't be right based on my pinata list). At this point I suggested seeing if I could get both Erik's and Zmanda's candies to make an idol, and when Erik came online I asked him about it and lied and said I could get the makeup candies from Eric who had Mike pass them to him on the way out. I was thereafter discussing it with Zmanda and she TELLS ME SHE ALREADY HAS THE IDOL AND HAS SINCE THE POISON CHALLENGE. NOWWWWWWW SHE TELLS ME. NOW. She claims she would have told me had I been in danger and used it to save me, but that's a moot point because I'd already dug a hole for Eric at this point by asking him to corroborate my story about the candies so I don't talk to Eric or Erik for an hour while I try to think up some way to change the subject without telling either of them directly what has happened. Eventually I just engaged them both in detailed vote discussion so that the idol thing is temporarily forgotten.

I was still talking about the vote and the dynamics of the round to Zmanda while all of this was going on and I gave her an outline of what I thought could happen based on my discussions with everyone. I mentioned my suspicions that Sierra might be trying to get rid of me and she made a comment about how "Sierra didn't have my best interests at heart, that's for sure". That sounded shady as fuck to me so I asked what she meant and she proceeded to ask me not to get mad at her for not telling me earlier and then pasted me a bunch of logs of Sierra deliberating about whether sticking with me and Kmanda was worth it because it'd be easier to just flip to Heather and Jerri and compete against goats at the end. O M F G. She said it didn't seem like a serious thing to her until I had told her what was going on so she just kind of blew it off. That was kind of the final piece for me and everything all of a sudden fell into place. To beat Sierra, you have to think like Sierra. The picture as I see it might look something like this:

Sierra is conspiring with Jerri and Heather, the two people who everyone knows are definitively against me, to get rid of me this round through the use of Jerri's idol on Heather. She is having them tell Eric that the vote is Zmanda because they don't trust him not to vote against me, and counting on myself, Jeremiah, Zmanda and Kmanda to vote for Heather, who will be idoled by Jerri, so that I will go out in something like a 4 - 3 - 2. This is why Sierra pushed a Heather vote in our group chat and said that splitting was not a good idea, and also told me 1 on 1 that Jerri was selfish and planning to hold her idol until F7 TC. I think she may have initially considered letting Zmanda in on the plan, but changed her mind when Zmanda reacted indifferently. I also forgot to mention that we found out that Sierra had been leaking from our group chat to Heather, which is what started the distrust snowball rolling to start with. Heather being Heather confronted Jeremiah about something he said in the chat which she would not have known about without the help of a leak, and it also explains how Jerri knew the exact makeup of our alliance last TC. Sierra is relying on all of us to take the bait and vote Heather so that she doesn't need to tell too many people about what she is really planning. If this is all accurate, she is really fucking crafty. Then again, I could be totally wrong about all of it. Either way, everyone needs to keep their fucking mouths shut (or open, depending on the context... a quiet group chat is a massive red flag) until deadline tomorrow because I know Sierra is intuitive as fuck and one misstep could blow this whole thing up.

TL;DR Sierra is a fucking snake and if things work out she should go this round and with any luck Jerri's idol will also get burned so she can't DPOV Heather if Jeremiah puts her up. If things don't work out for whatever reason, I am almost definitely going home. Cya.

Today was definitely pretty instrumental in developing mine and Zmanda's game relationship/overall trust level. She finally actually told me something important that I didn't already know and was like totally open with me all day. I'm sure everyone else thinks I'm stupid as fuck for trusting her but I truly believe she has my back and at this point I am ride or die for her simply because I absolutely fucking adore her and I want her to do well even if it turns out that I can't. I'm glad I did that endurance challenge for 18 hours just because I ended up getting to know her as a result. If she screws me then more fool me, but I honestly don't think she will. I know she's chaotic and abrasive but I think when you make an ally out of her she's loyal to a fault. It's just getting on her bad side that has ugly consequences lol.

Anyway, this was super long and rambly and I should probably go and do something more productive. This could very well be my last confessional of the game if something goes wrong tomorrow, so at least it was an informative one??? Pce

omg nooo where's the edit button I made grammatical and tense errors

also this is my heather parchment for when editing is turned back on so I can put it into my voting history for last round

or if I change my mind and want to split tomorrow for safety

man there's so much shady stuff going on. I just want this round to be over even if it means I get booted because it's just spooking me hardcore and I can't deal

I think Sierra is trying to flush Zmanda's idol so she can't use it against her later. idk ANYONE could be lying at this point. Erik especially I don't particularly trust

doesn't feel as good as I thought it would LMAO

hoh round has somehow been more horrible than the survivor round so that's a thing! my internet is screwed rn so I'll write a confessional tomorrow if/when I get it fixed

jokes fixed it myself!

so basically not long after the Sierra vote Zmanda and I were ruminating in a combination of guilt and success and she brings up how good a F3 me/her/Kmanda would be which I've felt is the direction we've been heading in for the last couple of rounds. I show this to Kmanda expecting him to be receptive to it, but instead I get an absolute MELTDOWN in which he says he's not sure what he wants and doesn't know if he can commit and he doesn't think he can beat like anyone left in the end let alone the two of us etc. I pass some of this back to Zmanda and she starts to freak out too because she just booted her only real ally other than me and then pretty much says if Kmanda won't commit we have to get rid of him now or she'll DPoV Erik and put Eric on the block so Kmanda doesn't have any other option but to stick with us. Obviously this put me into a fucking ugly situation.

It's really fucking unpleasant to be torn between those two. Chris (Kmanda) is my best ORG friend. We are drawn to each other like magnets in every game we play together and this is our third where we've been a powerful force as a pair. I love him to pieces and would never want to do anything to hurt him or ruin his chances at a game unnecessarily. On the other hand, despite how cutthroat and indifferent a lot of my gameplay has been this season, Zmanda is like my Jaclyn of Epic. I've been through a bunch of games and met a lot of people I've really liked and gotten at least somewhat attached to since Twisted 2, but Zmanda in particular is like this neverending emotional brick wall that I can't get around. I don't know how or when I got so attached to her but the thought of voting her out is just not an option. I think part of it is probably the fact that she just tossed someone who would have taken her to the end because they were against me so I feel almost in her debt, but it's definitely more than that. We've been through like so much shit since the merge and I just really like her. She's a genuinely fascinating human being and I never find myself getting bored of her despite the fact that we've been talking for hours on end every day recently. It's just nice to have someone that isn't from my "pregame" that I feel so close to. I don't know. I'd like to think she's being real with me and intends to stick with me, but regardless, I have her back until the end. It's just so inconsistent because of how I've played the rest of the game. When Stephen went, I was almost mad at him for taking me down with him. When Ronnie went, I didn't care, even though it made things messy for a lot of my allies. I didn't stop Mike from getting eliminated even though we have/had a really good relationship out of game and he's been my ally since the start. I didn't think twice about throwing Monica under the bus, and while I feel bad about Eric leaving, I don't think I feel bad enough, all things considered.. and yet, I'm a little bitch when it comes to Zmanda (and Chris, but that's a given). I hope I'm not losing my humanity. There is no way I would have been anything like this in a game six months ago.

Anyway, I'm sort of playing middleman between the two of them for a while. Chris decides he's gonna commit to the F3 but Zmanda is already sketched out by his wavering and says she's gonna put Eric up anyway. Chris gets riled about this and says he "won't stand for it long term". I end up making a 3 way chat with the two of them so they can talk directly. Chris concedes to me in a separate chat that everything Zmanda is saying is 100% logical, but he just can't seem to stop himself from fighting back because he feels so bad about Eric (who is his other best friend and who has wanted to take him to the end since the start). He knows it's irrational but he just wants to buy Eric one more round. Zmanda isn't having a bar of it but is actually being surprisingly accommodating and considerate about the whole thing, going so far as to ask me separately if she's being too mean about it. Eventually Chris concedes and then the post goes up. I have never seen him so distraught about a game and I really started to feel like there was something wrong with me because I wasn't as upset as he was. I'll hate to lose Eric because he's my friend but I know that extends beyond this game. I honestly just felt so awful for Chris because he's meant to be the rational, calm half of us and he just fell to absolute pieces over this and it broke my heart. I've kind of tried to explain our relationship to Zmanda but I think it's hard for people to understand when they haven't really had similar experiences. Either way, as far as I know Chris and Eric were Skyping for a few hours afterwards which I think probably made them both feel better. I won't blame Eric if he's mad at me, even though it'll suck.

So yeah, basically Eric is 100% going home this round (unless Erik decides to be a little sneak but tbh Zmanda has saved him twice now so if he turns his back on her he is a fucking idiot). From here we just need to contend with Jerri's idol (which hopefully won't be too difficult, we should be able to split safely using Jeremiah) and figure out what to do after that. Heather actually talked to me today and it left me feeling super sorry for her lol. She seemed kind of upset that no one was really talking to her. I know she cops a lot of shit but I honestly think she's only such a mess because she's new to board based ORGs and isn't sure how to handle a lot of the things that come up. Mike really threw her in the deep end by pulling her into this game with him. I think she's just clueless, not legitimately stupid or malicious or anything like that. Poor girl. I'm going to keep talking to her. It can't be fun to feel not only isolated but actively disliked by everyone in the game. :(

I keep telling everyone I don't think I can win at all because of the bridges I've burned but if the jury is reasonable, I think I might have the best shot of ALMOST everyone left. It heavily depends on who ends up on the jury from here and how, though. Sierra did mention before she left that she saw me as the biggest threat to her by far which was a pretty huge compliment coming from her, so while I'm not going to get cocky about my chances, I'm not going to sell myself short either. Just gotta keep going.

I thought Mike was the one negging my rep but apparently it's Eric. BYE THEN SEE IF I CARE

Kim Powers @ 12/8/2015 9:38

I thought Mike was the one negging my rep but apparently it's Eric. BYE THEN SEE IF I CARE

LOL. It wasn't me. I was pissed that round but I spent all day negging Zmanda.