... could not find a copy of the actual song on YouTube so this will have to do (tbh it's actually a pretty fucking good cover?)
holy shit though I'm such a mess in this game. I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm like playing both sides so hard and I'm sure it's gonna blow up in my face but I'm in too deep to back out now and I don't even know which way I'd go if I *did* back out. I'll try to explain this in like a cast assessment format...
Let's start here. For the less informed, I was not Eric's biggest fan at all as a host during both Twisted 3 & 4, but since getting to know him, I've grown to like him a whole lot as a person. In TSG he was arguably my most valuable ally and a huge part of the reason I ended up winning. He was 100% honest with me for the whole time we worked together. I don't expect the same thing here, because I'd imagine he's actually playing to win in this game, and that's OK. I'm pretty sure he IS keeping Kmanda & I 100% informed, but I don't feel like our gameplans are lining up at this point. He seems perfectly content being the figurehead of the Twisted alliance, and I don't think he's tried to change that perception at all or reach out to anyone on the "other side". I think that is probably going to be his downfall. Of course I'll try to protect him for as long as possible, but there's only so much you can do for someone who isn't doing anything for themselves. I also think he would probably kill me if he knew how much I've been leaking to ~*the enemy*~ :-x
...this being the enemy. Am I a bad person for enabling an openly racist and overall very abrasive human being? I don't think I care either way. The yarns are too fucking good and I like her way too much. It's actually kind of hilarious because I thought I would hate her before I started talking to her properly. I can't tell if she actually likes me or if she is just entertaining me for the sake of it (pretty sure it's probably the latter), but... whatever?? It doesn't really matter? Most people in ORGs who try to pull off the bad bitch thing just come off as trying way too hard, but she's a breath of fresh air in that she's just unapologetically herself. Most people seem so fucking BORING compared to her for some reason. I tell her most things game wise and don't really expect anything back which I guess is kind of stupid but tbh I need to do it for leverage anyway since I've ostensibly been on the opposing "side" to her all game. Now that things are swinging against the Twisted alliance I'm glad I've been making an effort with her because it might just keep me in a little bit longer, even if she does intend to get rid of me as soon as I've exhausted my use. Either way, I'm in way too deep now and I've said way too many things I maybe shouldn't have said. Thankfully no one knows how reckless I've been with information yet, except
of course. He's the only person in the ORG world I know for sure I'll be able to trust in any game we ever play together, and I can also trust him not to judge me when I make stupid mistakes, so I told him that I leaked a bunch of information because I felt like a guilty puppy dog. As usual he was super understanding, promised me his discretion and talked through it with me.
usually it would be ok if I was a strategic clusterfuck but I've gotten better strategy wise lately and I posted for 18 hours to return to this game and now I'm doing nothing for myself it feels like. ugh
so basically that was a waste of time. I'm almost certain Jerri or Erik got the 5 candies from 10 and also the idol from 5 so there are going to be another 2 idols to contend with lolz
ahhyvezilla
I screwed you over twice :/ so now I have to be nice to you or three strikes and im a cunt
k p
i don't care dude hahaha
I would rather u be a cunt than be nice to me cos u feel like u have to
6:12 PM
ahhyvezilla
haha nah i want to be nice to you
I just have to justify it by making it seem forced
to keep up my bitch image
also Erik got the 5 candies and Jerri is being a shady bitch. she claims she only got the exile and told Eric she wants to use it to flip to us next round right before she told Zmanda she hates us all and will probably use it this round to secure numbers lmao. regardless, SOMEONE is obviously lying about the idol, and I'm starting to think it might be Eric :-x
OK so Kmanda put 49 on 1, which means Jerri had to have put at least 50 on it to get it (if she did). Mike seems certain that Heather did in fact put 100 on MVP. This means Jerri cannot have got the idol if she got 1, because she would have tied with Eric at best. In short, either Eric or Erik got it, so one of them is lying (unless there's a massive dupe going on, which wouldn't shock me at all. Jerri was being way too open about the exile prize). ugh
People who cannot have the idol:
Kmanda (49 on 1, 51 on 5)
Me (50 on 4, 50 on 7)
Mike (100 on 9)
Jeremiah (tied 100 on 10)
Zmanda (tied 100 on 10)
Sierra (even if she's lying about the 99.90 thing, she had to have put more than 50 on 4)
People who COULD have the idol:
Erik: Claims to have bid 15 and not have got it. Eric's bid could have cancelled with Jerri/Heather and therefore given it to Erik. Alternatively, Erik could have bid 51+.
Eric: Highest known bid with 50.
Jerri: Could be conspiring with someone else (read: Heather) to fake getting the exile when she actually got the idol (since she would have had to put at least 50 on exile to get it, giving her a tie at best with Eric on the idol). Seems pointless though.
Heather: Might not have actually put 100 on MVP, which... would make a lot of sense, actually. If she thought no one would challenge her for it because of her public post, she could have just put a low amount there and the rest elsewhere. Um.
I was actually in a state of panic for a bit there because I thought there was a chance I'd get evicted (long story that I can't be bothered telling right now) but I'm pretty confident I'm safe and come next round I should be safe in an alliance consisting of me, Kmanda, Jeremiah, Sierra and Zmanda (+ Erik as a controllable vote). It turns out Sierra is actually a pretty engaging conversationalist when she wants to be and I'm glad I'll likely be able to get to know her better. I actually feel really good about this grouping, even if it means I'll have to burn Mike and Eric. To be honest, though, it was either sink with them, or let them sink and try to do something for myself. It's obvious which is the better option. I'm also glad it'll ensure Heather's demise sooner rather than later. I don't know how someone can annoy me so much without ever even talking to me, but she's done it. Just her repeating every fucking word she hears to other people and twisting things to her advantage drives me insane UGH. I really hope I'm wrong about her having the idol.
The only way I go home this round is if Eric and Mike decide to vote against me with Heather and Jerri (pretty farfetched) or Zmanda is flat out lying to me about not wanting me out/wanting to work with me (pointless and cruel). If things go as planned, Monica should go home with votes from everyone but Jerri and Heather. I'm gonna be freaking out until the results are revealed, though, because if there's one thing I've learned over the course of this game, it's that this cast is shady as fuck.
As a final tidbit (it's freezing and I want to get into bed) - I'm not trying to be a psychoanalyst or anything, but something about this made me sad:
ahhyvezilla
I only like things that have unconditional love for me and are easy to manipulate
:-x
like it's a typical Zmanda thing to say and it was probably at least half a joke, but it just made me want to give whoever this person is in reality the hugest fucking cuddle in the world (I obviously didn't say anything like that because I figured it was meant to be funny but I was thinking it lmao). I think it's because it oddly kind of resounds with me and I know how much it can suck. I've always had this weird need for control in all areas of my life including my relationships with other people, and accordingly, I've always struggled with letting people in and giving into my emotions because I don't like anyone to have power over my feelings or my life except for me. I guess it's kind of like a defence mechanism? Idk. It's so weird how random people in ORGs make me all introspective about myself and my real life, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing??? Whatever. Goodnight!
EpicFvFvF
> Confessionals > Kim > #12 - Lost
