Lol I'm going to get Cirie'd, and then I can look at Devin and be like "I told you so." And I don't want to do that...

This game has many ups and downs to it. So much time is devoted to playing, to talking to everyone, to building relationships, to every part of this. And right now it definitely feels like I've had more downs than ups.

It all started with the Rachelle eviction. Maybe I should've just voted to evict Lisa there. Would've made life a lot easier. I wouldn't have almost got evicted. I wouldn't have become the "easy pawn." I wouldn't have huge gaps between George and Devin. Maybe I should've figured out how to lie better. When I'm asked a direct question, it's really hard for me to lie because I want to answer with a question which would show I'm lying anyway.

If Merron would've just thrown up pairs for eviction when there was 2 remaining, this entire twist would've been done by now. Merron probably wouldn't have been evicted since Devin said his whole reasoning for going after him and not a pair had to do with how Merron handled his HoH, and how he wanted the pairs there because he didn't see any way for him to stay otherwise. I fought so hard with Merron and Devin for them both to end the pairs, but they had their own plans I reckon.

The 2 people I made f2 deals with are now gone and I really feel alone. I don't think I can beat Devin, and I sure as hell know I can't beat Drew. Drew and Chicken George want me to work with them, and I don't want to. I want to evict Drew. He has this game in the bag. He hasn't even been on the block yet - how can I beat that? And I'm almost positive Drew would take George over me because Drew thinks I have a good shot at winning as I have better relationships with the jury. He thinks I'll have Lisa, Kaitlyn, Merron, and Alex on my side.

Had I just won a comp.

I'm like the worst big brother player ever. Everyone is saying my moment will come, but I don't believe them anymore.

I didn't win this very important HoH since Drew/George are immune, and I'm leaving it up to the veto, and I don't think I did very well in it.

In a way, I'm sort of glad to be sitting next to Metta because we both do bad in these comps - he's only one the ones that involved luck, but I'm not counting him out. We can all find our time to shine. Chicken George told me that Metta just needs to lose and I should be safe, but honestly I don't know. Every time I plan for things, they always crash and burn.

All that aside, I have had fun playing, and honestly I don't know if I would actually change anything. Everything happens for a reason. I just hope I figure it out soon.

I think George is actually playing a really good game. Like I think he wants everyone to take him to the end, and I feel he has a super good strategy. He's strange, and I'm getting this vibe that he's been throwing everything.

He can sit at the end without winning a comp especially if he's next to Drew/Devin/Metta and say that they've won a comp, and that he's never been in any danger of being evicted. He can use the Drew/Devin/Metta won comps, and that they were threats. Yeah Drew hasn't sat on the block, but people has been gunning for him, and he won when he had to.

If I get through this round, I have to win the f4 hoh, and Devin or myself has to win the veto that way Drew can be evicted.

If I can't sit at the f2, I would love to see Metta and Devin sitting there.

Well it seems this is it...

Drew's saying he won't save me and he thinks it's best for his game...

I have nothing else to say but fuck it.

He's burned this bridge so there ain't no way in hell he'll get my vote.

I may actually be staying? George and Devin told Drew they would evict me, so he was fine not using the veto? He thinks he's just respecting my wishes because I didn't want to be auto evicted.... oh my god if George isn't lying to me, Drew will be hit with a blindside.

Is something actually going right for once??????

Before the veto results, I was talking with Devin, and we've made a f2 deal especially after we realized what kind of game George is playing. We both think or best shot is sitting next to each other. Drew's game speaks for itself, and George has been trying to be UTR, but he's in everyone's ear. He's staying just close enough to people to have a decent relationship with them. He can use the story "I was never in any danger of being sent home. I didn't have to win competitions." Me and Devin have been felt on the outside looking in for so long. I also think that George and Drew have this REALLY good relationship with one another like more so than they're letting on.

Okay, so Drew winning the veto wasn't the best thing in the world because once I congratulated him and told him I'd respect his decision, he really just slapped me across the face with a rude awakening. He first asked if I'd like to go through a vote, and I told him I would just so it would give me and metta both a fighting chance.

but this is how he replied.
DrewYesterday at 6:55 PM
understandable, but I'm going to honest here because there's no point in lying or hiding, I don't think it really benefits me to keep you in the game over Metta because I have to look at worst case scenario next round and I know for a fact that if we end sitting next to each other post-veto, I'll be evicted, whereas with Metta I can argue a case.

In that moment, I automatically though well he's going to save Metta and kick me to the curve.

I left the initial conversation with Drew on not so good terms.

Chicken George starts talking to me, and I'm onto his game because I've been comparing notes with Devin, and he's telling us both the same thing basically. He wants to make sure everyone takes him to the end. He's dangerous right now, but I can't worry about that yet.

chicken GeorgeYesterday at 6:36 PM
I'm going to try and convince drew to save you he is on the fence
We both know at this point we can't beat drew or Devin in final two only chance either of us have is against each other then it's a coin flip depending howlast comps go

So in my panic, I'm messaging Devin and he's getting extremely aggravated, so he starts working with George, and both of them supposedly tell Drew they'd evict me just let it go to a vote. But George told me he'd evict Metta, and Devin said he'd evict Metta in the event of a tie.

So I walked away for a bit because I didn't want to do anything stupid.

chicken GeorgeYesterday at 7:24 PM
He just told me that he's not going to use it just don't anger him. The plan is vote splits Devin evicts metta then we vs drew next week to bring him down we can do it stay focused

I didn't want to anger him, and I wasn't exactly pleased on how the conversation with Drew ended, so I went and talked to him really just explaining a lot of things.

and this is what i said:
I want to apologize for the above. I really don't want to leave on bad terms with anyone. I fully understand that you have to do what you have to do. I know we've had ups and downs, and I definitely appreciate you being honest with me. It was almost a slap in the face. It's hard to be stuck in this position, and I just really want there to be no hard feelings. I had my chance to save myself, and I came up short. I don't want you to have to feel guilty about your decision because you don't deserve that. I honestly respect whatever you decide, and if it means for me to leave, then that's what happens. You do what's best for you, and nobody can fault you for that. Not even me.

So he starts backtracking a little
DrewYesterday at 7:47 PM
Sorry if it sounded like I was about to just about veto Metta, because that wasn't what I was doing. I was just being honest about which way I was leaning should a vote happen
and no worries I'd be upset too if I came short, its perfectly normal to feel this way.
but I will respect your wishes and have us go through a vote, that's the least I could do right now
and it seems like the fairest way to go about it too

I think right now he's 100% convinced that I'm leaving, and that he's working on my jury vote. It's the only thing that makes sense because I'm not stupid. I've made some ignorant mistakes this game, but I'm far from stupid.

So Drew didn't use the veto, and I'm screaming inside. I feel bad for Metta because I think he thinks he's going to stay?

As long as George stays true to his word and actually evicts Metta and Devin does the same, I will have survived eviction 3 times.

I really hope this happens because 1) Drew is going to be blindsided 2) He had the chance to cast the sole vote to evict me especially if he really wanted me out of the game 3)He's going to realize that Chicken George played him so hard 4) It's about time for more shit to hit the fan

But damn, George just showed me that he's not someone to mess with. This is something else he can add to his story. This is something else he can use if he's sitting at f2, which is why it's in my best interest to make sure he's not sitting there beside me.

I'm still not sure how this eviction is going to go, but holy hell this has been amazing, and at least it would end on a high note.