So as this season wraps up I thought I’d give a bonus confessional with some things that I didn’t cover the first time around and what I’m taking away from this game. This is my apology for not confessing more during the season.

Stacy
My rock. I’m not sure how clear this was to the PWs, but Stacy and I bonded pretty close to immediately. We had some good chats really early on in the game about real life and hockey, and we just both knew that we would never turn on each other. It was through this bond that we were able to have really honest chats with each other, even when we were separated.
I always had her back and refused to do any game moves without her. I wasn’t forceful, but I got her into the Krueger majority that we were forming if we needed to go to tribal. After we separated, we talked about her position on Skeletor and the best way to approach it. We both agreed that she should approach Crystal and Jaclyn as a potential swing vote. It was around the time that she started messaging me about how we should stick with Crystal and the Myers that other sources seemed to say that the “Myers have her”. That being said, I always knew that she would still be loyal to me and I would follow her anywhere. I was terrified of Crystal and the Myers, but if going with them was the move, I would have never left her.
She also had my back. Before she was voted out, she told me that Jaclyn gave her an out. She said that if she had agreed to vote me out, then I would be going home, but she refused.
We may have disagreed a bit about how we both see the game, but I know that our friendship will go beyond this ORG.

The Challenge Redo Incident
I’m not sure everyone exactly knows why Krueger had to redo the first immunity challenge, but it’s definitely a low point of mine. I thought I’d share my perspective for you.
So we did the challenge Monday night and we did well. Stacy was unfortunately not present and I was worried that she wouldn’t be invited to initial alliances. After we finished the challenge, I formed an alliance with JP and Rudy and we were looking for a fourth. Rudy suggested Sue and after playing coy for a long time, I suggested Stacy. Eventually we just decided on both and made an alliance of five. So at least I was able to get Stacy in.
I should maybe preface this by saying that in my life I’ve never had an AIM account until signing up for this game. The only other ORG I had played before was Reddit-based so all communication was on there. Anyway, on Tuesday afternoon I was just messing around on the computer a couple hours before I had to go somewhere. I see Kenny message us saying that he’s available in case we needed to do the challenge. I thought this was a mistake so I reminded him that we already did the challenge. He said something about how we could redo the challenge for fun if we wanted to but it wouldn’t count. Some of my other tribemates were in the chat too, joking around. So then I said “Are there exactly three people names Ben Browning, Ken Stafford and Ronald Reagan?” Almost in slow motion, as soon as I hit “send” my heart sank. I looked at the name of the chat I posted in and it was the public chat. For some reason I thought we were typing in the tribe chat. I knew exactly what I had done but I didn’t want to believe it. I tried to see if you can delete a message in a chat, but you can’t. I played it off like a joke but I was in panic mode. I just spent the entire previous night earning favour with my tribe and this was something that could make me the first boot. All I wanted to do was not stand out in the early days, and here I was, the center of the first big drama of the season. I begged Kenny in a private chat to do something for us but he said there wasn’t anything he could do. After a while of persisting, he came up with a plan where we could redo the challenge with three new answers. They were much more difficult, but we went on to win that challenge. The more difficult answers could have been what saved us.
Did Kenny do the right thing? I have no idea. I’m not even sure I’d do the same thing if I were in his shoes. But as the player that screwed up, I am still forever grateful to him for his mercy.

Kelly
The first challenge after the swap was the infamous “post at some odd hour of the day” challenge. Kelly’s post was at about 2am and mine was at 4am. While we both stayed up waiting for our times we talked a lot and discovered that we were both night owls. There are so many things that I love about Kelly that none of you would care to hear about.

It was on the New Cobra tribe that Kelly and I sealed it. She told me I was her ride or die and I believed her. I replied honestly and told her that she was mine. It was at that point that my game talk with her had no filter. 100% truth. 100% trust. And I was in the right to do so. I know that I also had a final two deal with Stacy, but in the exceptionally rare case that I would go to the final three with both of them, I would have thrown the final three immunity challenge (If there was one). It’s clear to me now that Kelly would have probably crushed me in a final tribal council, but I don’t even care. I could never have turned on her. As it turns out, I’m loyal to a fault.

ENERGON
The next challenge involved spending five sleep-deprived hours making a fucking pop can for a pop commercial. I screwed some robot arms off an action figure and even went to the store and bought some construction paper for it. I made the entire thing while at home without any of my three family members catching me and asking me what the fuck I was doing. It was remarkably exhausting. All that being said, this challenge win was definitely a highlight of mine. There is no better feeling than hard work being rewarded.
Kelly wrote and recorded this incredible jingle, and Caleb wrote out this incredibly impressive advertisement (Even when English isn’t his first language!). I really loved both of them after this challenge and wanted to make a three-person (one from each original tribe) alliance. Kelly loved the idea and when we pitched it to Caleb he wanted to include Matty. It became a four-person alliance, but this was the point where it became clear that Caleb and Matty were a really tight pair.
I was so scared of tribal council in a 2-2-2 situation (based on original tribe loyalties). What I realize in retrospect was that I should have used that opportunity to show the others that I wasn’t that attached to JP. We had grown long distant since the first challenge, but I knew he thought he had me. He was definitely an ally, but I would have easily voted him out in that spot if I had to. I was so worried about keeping my tight relationships with Stacy and Kelly so unknown that I didn’t even notice that I was giving off the impression of being in a pair with JP.

Where My Game Fell Apart
I can pinpoint a single AIM conversation where my entire game fell apart.
The afternoon before the merge vote, I had a conversation with Jaclyn that helped me gain her trust. She was okay voting out Rob and I thought that she was the key to a final four deal that could help us run the merge. She was really close with both Stacy and Kelly and knew that the four of us would be able to work together well. I also thought the first vote would be simple.
I then had the conversation with Caleb:

Spoiler

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Caleb Bankston So yeah I think we could have a decent majority at final 10 Rob is such a mess. I wish he was gone. We just have to get there an not lose any numbers. Are you comfortable with letting Rob go next round? I really think I can pull Sekou You can pull stacy? ME Who would go this round? Caleb Bankston Well, the plan was jaclyn right? ME I thought it was Rob I'm sofa king confused. Caleb Bankston Lol why are you confused? ME You're the only one who has mentioned Jaclyn to me. Rudy also said Sue mentioned Jaclyn but he's voting Rob. And we need Jaclyn's vote next week. I think we just get rid of Rob now. Caleb Bankston I like Jaclyn and I do want to work with her. But I'm very confident we have Sekou's vote next week, like 100% talk to them, they're dead set on Jaclyn rudy is so idk what is he telling you? ME Really? Wow. Caleb Bankston I know. So this first vote should be an easy one if they see how strong we're trying to change it they could suspect something's up I just agreed because it's never good to be seen as having too much influence in a vote ME True Caleb Bankston Sekou realized that. ME Just the word is Rob. They are expecting me to vote Rob. Caleb Bankston And he implied he wasn't comfortable with that, so we should have his vote next week. lol next vote* ME Eh, that's weird. Caleb Bankston I do like Jaclyn but I'm ok with her going, I think she's a bigger threat than Rob. The fact that you and I want her to stay is an example of that. Everyone's eyes will be on rob in case we are doing something next vote ME (Trying to get the vote off Jaclyn) We can't work with Rob though. He doesn't trust you Caleb. He told me that specifically. Caleb Bankston Ugh And I don't trust him. He's been telling people I'm untrustworthy. So if he throws my name around like that, I'm not working with him. ME If we lose Jaclyn, I don't know if we can get Stacy. I can try to get her, but it's easier with Jaclyn. I think those two are closer after Skeletor. Caleb Bankston I want to work with two of the girls. Not three. We don't need three, Jonas. ME We need six. Next week. Caleb Bankston Me, you, Jp, Matty, plus 3 people that will vote with us in Stacy, Sekou, Kelly. It's a little scary that you want to keep Jaclyn so hard. Not going to lie to you.

That’s the exact moment that Caleb turned against me. I didn’t think I was pushy, but it didn’t matter because that’s the impression that I gave off. In this game, perception is reality.
Ever since this conversation, I kept hearing that I was shifty/shady or acting all weird. Since he was the only one I had any kind of conversation like this with, I knew 100% that this was stemming from Caleb. I just couldn’t believe the betrayal. It’s my fault for not realizing that Caleb was in fact the one at the center of all this influence.
The crazy thing is, if someone had suggested splitting votes between Jaclyn and Rob three hours earlier, I would have been all for it. But the conversation Jaclyn and I had that afternoon is what led to me making the mistake that I did.

Survival after JP
I already posted my initial reaction, but my whole strategy changed after that vote. I felt that I was attacked for being a threat. I thought that’s the target that I would have to remove. I wanted to act as if JP leaving left we weak and vulnerable. Not only that, but my relationships changed. I betrayed Rob, who trusted me. I never mended things with him, which is another mistake I made. Good damage control is key and I never went for it. Caleb and Rudy had betrayed me. I went to them pretending to be aligned with no one and looking for aid. Rudy was a lot more receptive, giving me a little information. Caleb just straight up lied to me and did a really bad job about it. He told me to vote either Stacy or Rupert and said it didn’t matter. Not exactly a strategy session. Jaclyn was still an ally but mostly through Kelly. Stacy seemed just as out of the loop as me. Pretty much all of the information I would get would come from Kelly. She basically let me know that I was a target and any other small things she heard.
What felt like talking to no one and being essentially isolated drove me actually crazy. I felt so restrained with my position in the game. It was so incredibly frustrating to be facing a majority alliance, especially one helmed by Caleb of all people.

I thought I was going to be voted out at the final eleven and I didn’t want to go out quietly voting for Rupert. I wanted to send a message to Caleb about how much I didn’t like him. Since no actual plan was proposed, I told my allies I’d be voting for him. Kelly and Stacy voted with me so at the very least, if something weird happened he would at least have three votes on him.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t try to get Rupert on my side, I thought that the tides were turning with his vote. I was playing round by round and thought it was the beginning of a fracture in the majority six. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself by talking to Rupert. Hindsight is 20/20 but obviously I should have.

By the time my actual number was called I just felt more relieved than upset. The frustration of isolation had taken its toll. Aside from finding out about Rupert, nobody had even told me a fake plan in over a week.
During my own vote, there was one person that voted with me and I knew it was Kelly. She could have easily just made it a unanimous decision. It would have put her in a better spot with the tribe. That’s how I know she’s the real deal. As a last chance to actually make any impact on this game on my way out I said I’d vote for Caleb if he was in the final. I just wanted to give him another “Fuck you” on the way out. It might not have created a target right away, but it might have stuck in people’s minds when it came to jury votes. I meant it too (yeah, it’s easy for me to say now). The way I saw it, whatever he wanted to have happen happened. I didn’t plan of voting for anyone who would let him get to the final.

Ponderosa
I was quite happy to see Caleb as the next person to arrive at Ponderosa. I tried to put my personal feelings aside as we discussed his game. He was at least self aware enough to know that he was a villain this season, but that can’t stop him from continuing to irk me. Even as new jurors came after him, Caleb has just always been so incredibly self-involved. He was even so delusional as to state that he had played a completely loyal game. I hope that one day he can look back on this game, see his flaws and grow from the experience.

What I have discovered after Kelly’s arrival at Ponderosa is how the creation of strong relationships is actually her game. She was an incredible social player and had good bonds with what seemed like everybody. I feel like the relationship we had was genuine, but I hope I wasn’t played. I really hope that we keep in touch on Facebook after this is all done.

Sekou’s arrival after asking to be voted out was frustrating. As a juror or viewer, I’m happy he didn’t let the final be boring. As a fellow player who was voted out while still so invested, it was annoying. I had to have my shot at this game torn from me and he just gave it all up. I understand why he did it, but he just gave up the privilege of being a player in this incredible game. An alternate path he could have taken would be to actually turn his game up and play hard for a couple of rounds. The other jurors may not have been as forgiving as me, but everyone has an argument and I would have heard him out.

The approach I had going into this Final Tribal Council was giving each finalist an equal shot at the money. I’m going to vote for the player who does the best job answering questions, owning their moves and articulating their strategy.

What I’m Taking Away from this Game:
- Two Friends – Stacy and Kelly. Two people that I’m likely to keep in touch with after this came is over.
- Lessons Learned – Mostly about how to play in an AIM/Forum based ORG. Activity and constantly being social is key. I should actually make group chats instead of relying on multiple one-on-one conversations. Matty and Rudy explaining their idol hunting blew my mind. The game is not so cut and dry. I should know that all the permutations of relationships are too complex to be effectively mapped out on Paint. I also learned that I couldn’t turn on true friends.
- Confidence – In myself. I used what I thought were ordinary math and problem solving skills to prove that I am actually great at something. It’s a confidence that I’ve already noticed coming up in my day to day life, and I hope to carry it forward.
- My Energon Can – A physical reminder, sitting in my room, of the crazy fun time that I spent playing Survivor: Decades 2

Jonas! I know everything that went down doesn't really support this but I think you were amazing. Wish we had the chance to talk more and actually work something out. Will never forget Energon, I felt I needed to pull my weight because you were working so hard! Also you were amazing in challenges overall. Love reading your confessionals too. :)