This wasn't intended to be anything sappy or to be cut off actually, it just happened. I never want to be that player that people don't enjoy watching because they don't feel I'm having fun. I'm sarcastic and can be dry sometimes and that's how this seems to be coming across.

I don't hate my time here and I am invested in the game. It's just tougher for me.

Wasn't intending for this to be like the opener for my confessionals this round, but I felt compelled.

Feel free to respond to this if you want, but it's more just for viewers to be aware and I also don't want a super hateful exit post if/when I get voted out of the game considering no one in this ORG community knows me anyway.

Thanks.

At least ya'll get a vote. Naomi didn't even bother trying to hide the fact she had the dying wish which I thought was pretty funny.

Anders is panicking.
Sarena was crying.

Alex and I literally talked last night how we wanted to use Sarena later but Anders is in our 5 and we have to choose one.

Basically, as much as I hate it, Sarena has to go here. I have a lot riding on The Beasts and That One Bitch Anders (TBTOBA) and to ditch that immediately after forming it just to save Sarena who I have felt distant from for a while now wouldn't make any sense.

I don't see how the numbers will be there to flip it anyway even though Matt seems to think so. Sarena will go here and I will solidify trust with the 5.

That 5 is ideal for me because I have many ways into the F3 from there, but that's very forward thinking. I don't think getting to the end will be so easy...or it shouldn't be. I have Jess on the side and she seems to really want to work with me. She keeps mentioning how everyone loves me and that's kinda news to me, but very good news. She wants to vote where I vote and that's always a great ally to have. I'm going to work on my relationship with Jess in the near future because I will def need her at some point.

I just don't want to look back on this vote as like a defining moment for my game and how it began to crumble, but I think I have my ducks in a row for now.I think I have enough big personalities around me to blend in, but rest assured, I'm definitely prowling around and just waiting for the right time to get myself to that end game. These people are gonna sleep on me for a minute I think, but the lion doesn't roar while hunting, and I think I'm seeing the big picture and how it will come together for me.

I got to stay the course and focus ahead. I'll have to lose friends and allies along the way, but based off what I'm hearing and my positioning so far in the game, I'd say I should continue to trust my social game and keep pushing how I have been. It will pay off in the end.

Last for the round. Holy giraffe...I feel horrible about everything today. I'm hoping this isn't going to affect me in the near future. I was in such a good spot and I'm hoping this isn't the beginning of the end.

But Anders...I knew he'd have that in him, but my God...this was not how I was hoping this round would end.

I have plenty of convos to have I'm sure, but my intent is to play as fluidly as possible...and you can't beat a river into submission...you kinda just have to go with the flow and use the current to propel you. Is this how I was hoping round 1 of merge would be for me? No. Did I have much power here? None. What was going to happen happened whether I went with it or not...so I'm going with it and hoping I can use it to get me closer to the end.

I don't know that I've burned too many bridges here, I just need to make sure I get on the right page with the people I trust and go from there. But for now, I'm crashing...I'm dead tired and it's probably gonna be worse tomorrow.