Keith is a mother fucking star and don't any of you ever damn forget it.

You want drama? Keith. You want entertainment? Keith. You want a damn good strategic game? Keith. You want to see someone go up in smoke and flames? Keith's your guy!

Right off the bat Keith had one of the best mental states coming into the game - to treat season one as though it was an all-stars game. You have a bunch of people from a whole bunch of different communities - chances are, you're going to have to deal with people who know each other very well, and you're going to have to find that big group and take them out immediately. This is a mentality that if a lot of people realized would have completely turned the game on it's head. Unfortunately, most of this attitude was only found on the Yeliwor tribe and - yeah, we know how that went down, really.

Rutiilus had a strong start - I didn't want to lose any of that tribe, and I didn't. So you know - boring. There was a million and one alliances in that tribe, who would have gone home first? Probably me. Honestly. No entertainment lies in discussing Rutilus honestly. Keith wins captainship, which I think is a real big deal in setting himself up for the rest of the four tribe period of the game. Keith was totally on board with Jeffrey/Patty's plan to allow them to pick most of their alliance, and Keith was actually the one to take Atlan from Nikki when she fucked up in the captain picking process - he's out for blood!!

Keith was the captain of Yeliwor full through, everyone lived and died with Keith on that tribe, and there was nothing strategically that really passed him at all. I think he intended to play a little more of a subtle game, but he was definitely a dominating force in the tribe. There was a huge in built anti-iSF attitude that seemed to stem from Keith who knew instantaneously they would all be working together. The game, of course, kick started with Tom being kidnapped which caused a lot of bitterness and hatred, I think, in Keith - especially because it was clear that Tom was taken in order to be voted out. After Tom left, Keith/Jamie E became very tight. This is by far my favourite duo in the game (sorry Drew/Patty), they were both strategically sound, knew everything they needed to do, and served each other in the best lights possible.

Speaking of best light possible:



I have probably masturbated to that video. Like - just watch it, and if you didn't at least laugh once, watch it again until you do or you're never playing again honestly.

Anyways - Jamie and Keith, great, honestly - Jamie kept Keith level-headed, they lost a ton. They became the menimists and completely fucking dominated that part of the game. Like - ugh, it was so good. Y'all always complained about never seeing production? That's because all the good shit was on Yeliwor [and Mayagba] but seriously, what amazing gameplay throughout that entire part of the game and it's a god damn tragedy it didn't last any longer. UGH.

The tribal switched happened and Keith ended up on the Makeni tribe which was split 4/4 right down the middle alliance wise. This was, again, the most interesting tribe in the three split. No one was budging, no one intended to budge, except Jon - but even then Jon's best chances were with Keith/Alex/Gabe. In the ultimate scheme of things, I don't think I would have wanted to lose Sam/Gaston/Bryce/Georgina in this vote, but it would have been a damn good flip around for the underdogs in the game who couldn't catch a damn break.

Let's just take a pause to note here: Sam Vicario was not an underdog in this game until merge. Never was. You're welcome Drew and Ricky for acknowledging this.

Obviously, Alex went out in the rock draw. Alex served the same type of anchor role that Jamie did to make sure Keith didn't go damn crazy and then, well - yeah.

Keith had a VERY public fight with Ricky after admittedly a poor challenge time choice on my part resulting in Keith's immediate elimination from the challenge. Which consisted of such beautiful quotes as: "Or be roommates with Jeffrey. I know." "You're already running the game, why must you go in on little ol me?
I'm Keith btw hi" and "Come on Drunk Ricky. You decided to reply to me. Reply again. And we can keep replying to each other. I'll accept your friend request on FB if you do. I promise. Come onnnnnnnnnnn"

Luckily, because Gabe was so creepy and wanted to stick it into Georgina,

: I'm straight!

We know Gabe.

Gabe went home.

Quickly before the tribe swap, there was one last slave trade just for drama purposes, Ricky kidnapped Keith with the full intent to fight and fuck him over, this only you know - added fuel to the fire. It was real fun and Keith was real livid. Eventually, the Temne/Mende switch happened, Tom went home. Trigger warning: Tom. And yeah - house meeting:



Keith lost his last anchor, and went fucking nutty. The best part of all of this isn't actually the house meeting itself, it's the meetings outside of the meetings where Keith literally scheduled an individual sit down with every single damn member of his tribe.

"Cristina - 12:30 am est
Gaston - 5:15 pm est
Jeffrey - ?
Jon - 6:15 pm est
Young Matthew - 7:00 pm est
Rachel - 6:45 pm est
Yap - 9:00 pm est"

I didn't attend a single one of these meetings, but I can only imagine what they were like considering Keith then left unanimously.

Seventeen, arguably, might be debated as a little high. Of course, it is Keith's actual placement in the game. A lot of these rankings have to do not only with overall gameplay but also with story line, completed story archs, and where I see you in the grand scheme of things. And Keith, is an excellent example of that. There was not much he could have done after a point, a lot of people shut down the anti-iSF alliance (Gaston and Jon) despite being given multiple opportunities to take a stand in the game (Gaston and Jon) and after a certain point, as a leader in the rebellion, you can't stay around. And that's exactly what happened to Keith. Would I have loved to see Keith make merge? Of course. Hey - I would have killed to see him in the pressure cooker. If Jeffrey and Yap had left at 18 and 17 like they should have, we definitely would have seen a whole new game. But alas - you can't win them all.

In the end, you just gotta swing from the chandelier.

It's real hard to argue a case for or against Kevin in this game. There's a part of my mind that believes that Kevin definitely could have taken this game by storm if he had a lot more time; but the reality of the situation was that Kevin was hardly always a presence due to his crazy work schedule. That being said, Kevin still played an intelligent and well-balanced game strategically. So I've been torn whether to rank him much higher, or much lower. After much self-debate, 16 seems like a safe number for me. Kevin, know I debated this for a long time and you could be placed higher or lower on the scale at this point. But you get here, and you're going to damn live with it!

Most of my debate with Kevin I think stems from the fact that a lot of his early game became a matter of just having to live with the terrible decisions that Yap made due to him being too busy. There's no doubt that Kevin is a fairly socially aware player. Kevin started off on Ferrous with a lot of ORG connections, being paired with Yap, having a history of lovership with Lindsay - hey hey wink wink. Kevin had.. won(?) TJ's game so he was real central in that foursome, and probably would have won it all in the Ferrous competition to the death.

Kevin landed on Mayagba, and was immediately drawn into the 5AM alliance. Which is I haven't already highlighted, WAS A GREAT IDEA AND REALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN BENEFICIAL TO BOTH YAP AND KEVIN. I truly believed the two could have flip flopped between the two alliances - but Yap leaked it to Ricky, and that was really just the end of it. Kevin had to play with the SFers, would he have chosen them in the end? Yes, I truly believe so. Could they have played a more devious game? Definitely. Kevin kind of blended into the background here, just slightly developing relationships knowing that really he wasn't going anywhere in the grand scheme of things on Mayagba. Especially with their challenge record.

So bored, in fact, that he made this response to one of Georgina's music videos:



Never forget how damn hard it is to find a straight guy in Endure: Sierra Leone. DAMN HARD. He also set the comp record of being the ONLY person to recreate the tighty whities music video. He actually did it twice, because we didn't count the first one cause they weren't tighty whities.



There's so much wrong with season one and I feel like all of it is entirely encapsulated in that one video. Also in the true spirit of the straight guy that found itself in Kevin, he did that hockey player thing where he didn't trim his beard while the season was going on. SO STRAIGHT. FEEL THE MAN BALL SWEAT FROM THE TIGHTY WHITIES, RUB IT UP ALL ON YOURSELF.

Uh - yeah. Kevin/Jillian become a duo.. somehow? They're two very different people so I still don't understand y'alls friendship, it's still really a weird alliance to me. But that happened, and the two got switched onto Bo, where the two become essentially the swing vote between the two factions of Britti/Jeffrey vs. Tom/Cristina/Jamie E, and then everyone hated Eric. This position is clearly demonstrated by Kevin actually managing to get onto Mende, the high rollers tribe. The choice was never actually made though, which sucks - because it looked as though Tom/Cristina would have been the ultimate choice, and I'm all for a revolution.

Kevin showed a lot of intuition at merge. Ultimately his two big moves before he was brutally blindsided were as follows:

At Jon's tribal council, Kevin served as the swing vote that saved Jillian from getting the boot. Jillian was very close to leaving that tribal council as Yap had debated flipping in order to take out a threat, Kevin reigned him in (for the first time in the game, hmph. Too little too late, Kevin!) and this lead to Jon going home. This was crucial in gaining Jillian's complete trust and was just an excellent tribal council all together. Props all around on that one.

The second was Kevin was ultimately the main reason that Yap went home when he did. The iSF alliance lost the challenge at the final 14 which Jon had picked masterfully in the Dead Man Walking twist. The vote came down to Jeffrey and Yap - with the alliance leaning more towards Jeffrey. Obviously this would have been great for Ricky, getting rid of roommate and keeping Yap spy. Kevin was ultimately the caller in getting Yap out with Yap having nearly betrayed the alliance just the round before and logically felt he could have been part of the rebellion. It was real great.

Both are excellent game moves, that could probably be well fleshed out - but eh, I'm lazy. They both deserve massive props.

Kevin's boot however, is one of the best in the game, by far. Gaston, having just being booted due to BRYCE'S INDECISION, also a series of mistakes in pre-jury (ha!) he picked the tribes perfectly once again, and the iSF alliance is now at a point where they have to boot one of their own. The obvious choice would be Jeffrey, but nop - not anymore, it all comes down to bite Kevin in the ass. Kevin/Drew were pretty close, and they wanted to make sure that the next rounds Dead Man Walking worked in their favour as much as possible, thus blindsiding Kevin by giving Jeffrey an idol, with Drew voting with Jeffrey for Kevin. All around excellent. Obviously Kevin picked the best tribes possible for his alliance, in a blindsided mess.

This then causes Jillian to go Becky Buckwild on a revenge streak which - is pretty funny honestly. But she leaves soon after anyways.

If I could literally substitute this entire cast ranking by just the five minutes of Corey Morgan baa-ing in the pressure cooker, I 100% would. But that would mean downloading eight hours of footage, cutting it down to that segment, and then uploading it, which really isn't more work but - just acknowledge the fact that that is one of the funniest moments of the game.

Now, Britti is an excellent person, who is very nice, and very lovely and kind-hearted. That said, if we were ranking who's the nicest and had the best spirit, this would be a whole different level of cast rankings and none of these bitches would be anywhere near the top 15. Britti's placement as number fifteen is mostly due to the fact that she got fourth overall, and because of that she has a lot of storyline. In terms of solid game moves, there's nothing I can accredit solely to Britti from beginning to end.

Alright, let's be straight up honest here, Britti's gameplay in Sierra Leone can be best compared to Monica in Blood vs. Water, literally to a T. Like just a whole lot less immunity wins, and a whole lot less third person. But like let's look at some Monica quotes -



Read as: Every time Britti got upset about someone calling her a goat.



Read as: Every time an alliance tried to get Britti to flip.



Read as: Britti knowing she could flip the game but still goes comfortably with Tyson (Drew?)

The only thing we're really missing for this full on Brittonica lifestyle is a beautiful Final Tribal Council breakdown about not being anything but her family. Anyone who played alongside Britti in season one knows very well that goat is a trigger word for Brittonica, having to console her time after time after being called one by someone in the game. For the purposes of this cast ranking, I'm going to very much be referring to Brittonica as a goat and deal with the repercussions of that action later in my old age. Perhaps, even, in death.

She started on Aurum where she instantly fell in with Drew/Jeffrey in the Vic's Dicks alliance. This is instantly where Brittonica stayed for the rest of the game. Serving as the third member of this alliance she sat in the back and allowed Drew and Jeffrey to call the shots in an arguably very good under the radar game. After Jeffrey won the Captain's Challenge and negotiated a deal to get his allies with him, Britti sat again with Drew/Jeffrey as the three took on Vic's Dicks. The thing I find pretty funny about Brittonica and Drew's alliance is it seems as though Britti never really took to any of his allies, namely Georgina and Patty within the game. Which caused some weird tension for a long time especially considering how long all of them lasted. Anyways, Kakim was boring, it's been described a whole lot of times to which nothing ever really comes of it. Worst tribe out of the 4 tribe phase, by far.

The game gets a ~little interesting~ as we move to the three tribe phase and Brittonica and Drew are no longer together, but Brittonica and Jeffrey are. We have a lot of viewer questions of where are things going to go to? Especially considering Jeffrey has been pretty domineering and in control and yelled at Cristina and like screwed her over a bunch? Will things get interesting? Nop. Jeffrey and Jillian get a sort of unspoken pact because Jeffrey is Ricky's roommate, and thus Britti falls in by association. Here is where begins a whole lot of the, "Brittonica could have done something to switch up the game, but ultimately stays with Drew, and by extension Jeffrey" moments. Tom and Cristina are thrust into a real awkward majority where Jeffrey has called them out a bunch and made some pretty rude comments. There's a whole lot of controversy surrounding Eric, and there's a plan in motion to push Jeffrey out of the game for being very, this with Tom/Cristina/Jamie could have made for a possible move - but no.

Tribe swap again! Brittonica is placed on the high rollers tribe with Drew. Nothing happens on Mende. Literally nothing. Literally for all I know about Mende, no strategizing even happened. I think everyone was probably residing in the fact that Kevin would have gone had a tribal occurred? Can someone confirm/deny this for me?

In these rounds Britti presents to us the ~lost parody~ of the game that isn't Tik Tok, Gay Guys Paradise, or Straight Guys, I think this was about Jeffrey:



Merge comes and Brittonica is reunited with Jeffrey (who's storyline is now dead and serves no purpose) so now Brittonica is sided alongside Drew and Ricky and Patty and Jillian and they just sort of ride a whole lot.

Brittonica gets approached a whole lot, most notably by Babies R' Us to potentially participate in alliances, to vote against the grain and to swing things in a different favour. But, I mean, arguably they do this very very terribly, because we all know Babies R' Us has literally the worst social skills in the galaxy. Except Gaston develops this weird friendship with Brittonica and they get a little close for a couple rounds, which you know, instantly becomes a problem so Drew/Ricky take Gaston out at first opportunity to ensure that their number is safe with them. Then Bryce makes a bunch of dead dog jokes, and the game just gets real personal for Britti because everyone just keeps calling her a goat.

*insert Corey Morgan baa-ing and calling Britti a goat again here.*

I think the main problem that I'm having with this cast ranking is the fact that there isn't much of anything to write. Essentially from merge onwards, if not a bit earlier, Brittonica was clearly meant to be sitting in the finale in one of the final tribal council seats. She went 24 hours in the final immunity challenge; however, because Georgina won the final challenge, it was the ultimate deal that Brittonica was going fourth. It was a little heartbreaking to see that she had very little clue how close Patty and Drew were, and it was also just a great representation of how the game really went. It did, however, allow for three finalists who all played the game to plead their case to a jury, which was pretty nifty to me.